Venting PTSD makes me wonder

[Throwmyselfaway]

Ok so earlier this year I was diagnosed with ptsd due to my childhood. Long story short my dad abused my mom horribly. I wasn't but saw and heard everything. Hell my first memory is her with a black eye from him. However I started getting flashbacks of even more that I didn't think was possible. This morning was talking to a friend about our broken bone counts. I had before I was even a year old. Story goes basically fell off something both times and that's how both happened. I honestly am starting to think that's not what happened anymore. I don't speak to my dad anymore and my mom I don't ask questions like that about. Other things popped up too including stuff that happened in the last decade that triggered other memories. The triggers and flashbacks are making my mental health worse and worse. I'm hoping to hold back on ctb for a bit but this is fucking hard some days. I don't want it to be in the moment. I want it on my terms

 

[SanJunipero1]

Trauma's a real bitch. I found the book The Body Keeps The Score to be really helpful. Hope you can get something out of it. I do a lot of creative writing which helps me loads to. Getting stuff out of my head and on the page is a safe dissasociative way for me to handle the memories and feelings.

 

[stygal]

I also have a sealed box in my head with the inscription "trauma".
I don't ever go near it.
It definitely contains a lot of memories I pushed aside for now...maybe ever...I don't know yet.
Sometimes though it's inevitable and a random flashback/thought pops up triggered by a daily event.
I don't even wish that on a bad person.
It's literally hell.
Hopefully you'll find a way to distract yourself enough or maybe try therapy.

 

[Good4Nothing]

My story is very similar. When I was in my early 20s the memories started coming back and I kind of hit a wall that I couldn't move past until I confronted it. It took many years, and a lot of drugs and alcohol, and help from friends. I don't know if we'll ever be free from the repercussions of the trauma, but it is possible to put it behind. Not leave it behind, just kind of walk in front of it, if you know what I mean. It's going to follow you everywhere you go, but you can put it behind you so it's not a monster in your face shouting you down. It'll take time. And I'm not advocating drug and alcohol use, that's just where I ended up while I was battling my demons.

 

[AutoTap]

I just try to shove those thoughts back in the corner of my mind. Although of course the memories still surface now and then.

 

[Nyxtus]

Yeah, this is me recently. I had bottled it in for years and years until I met a girl that made me open up all that Trauma. I'm still struggling with it, but I've found immersing myself in it and trying to understand it has been helping. Support from friends and therapy is making it better, and I'm starting to feel like I might eventually be better off for facing all of this.

I think what all of us with ptsd/cptsd are doing by pushing it away is only helpful in the short term. Eventually we have to face it. In my case the longer that I pushed it off, the more it eventually hurt when I had to face it to grow in life. Good4nothing is entirely correct in their assessment of it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah, i understand. im always remembering something or something is triggering another memory. i only have 1 i dont really "remember" and if anything did happen i dont want to know.

idk if it would help you but the last day or so ive taken to sharing my memories. not in a place to be kept but just sharing them. ill tell my husband or my grandfather if its a memory about him, or ill make a post here in offtopic, the last option is a little more "keepy" but i dont HAVE to go back and look at it. no one has to comment or even read it......all i want is to get them out.

if you decide to try this but arent sure who to talk to or anything you can always pm me. i dont have to respond or anything if thats what youd prefer but it will at least allow you to know someone does care and is listening