I'm 42 years old. I've lived through childhood abuse and domestic violence as an adult. I've been on disability since 2011. I'm nonfunctional at this point. I stay in bed most of the time. I have no friends and no social life. I spend some time with my brother. He doesn't understand and I just fake things with him so he doesn't have to worry. I have a cat that I love with all my heart. He's been my sole reason for living but lately I have been considering maybe someone else could take care of him better. I'm on meds. I've tried many. They don't help. I'm in therapy but can only go every 3 weeks due to expense and the therapist being so booked because it's a community mental health center. I'm alone most days and can go days without human interaction. Death seems my only option. I've been thinking of hanging myself on my door.
Threads
Warlock
- Jul 13, 2018
- 721
Hey. I'm a victim of intra-familial sexual abuse from my mother, and I suffer from C-PTSD and Depression as well, if you need someone to vent towards, send me a DM. I understand everything that you're going through.
Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
Hi. We're about the same age. I just turned 40 in June. I'm also on disability and have been since 2008. I'm very nonfunctional and spend most of my time in the bed. I've had psychologists and psychiatrists and medications but none of it seems to help.
My method of choice is nitrogen, though if I could figure it out I'd like to go via the tourniquet method. I'd like to know how Kate Spade and Robin Williams killed themselves. I know Kate Spade used a scarf and hung herself from a doorknob. I just don't know how she did it. I've tried passing out using the tourniquet method but had no luck.
I'm not totally sure of the doorknob method either but I'd like to try.
I tried to hang myself from the doorknob but didn't have any luck. I envy Kate. (Of course, I used a pair of pajama pants, which may have been too thick.)
I couldn't do the hanging thing. I sort of tried but I couldn't stand the constricting around neck.
I was hoping to compress carotid arteries and then pass out. So next I tried the tourniquet method. No luck there, either. I was again using the pajama pants. I think next time I try the tourniquet method, I'm going to use a pair of pantyhose. I did come close to passing out but I freaked. I wish I had kept going. I would've been dead by now.
I think everyone has some form of PTSD. Some of us are lucky enough to be protected from the horrible outside world when we are younger, but even then sick people find a way to mess that up. I think all of the pain, misery, and disappointment just piles up in life where you just can't take it anymore. I can only imagine what true PTSD feels like which is what the soldiers go through. How do you go from killing people in battle and seeing all kinds of grotesque, vile things to coming back and living normal in society. So many of them decide to take their own lives. I don't blame them.
