Venting Psychosis took everything from me

[shadow999]

I am not experiencing psychosis anymore thank God, it ruined my life though. Feel like I had everything going for me. Then I started believing the delusions and after that realized the damage it did when I healed. Just feel like there's no point anymore. Years of work and relationships gone for no good reason. I am so tired. If it wasn't for psychosis and what it did to me then I would be loving life.
The anhedonia is so strong it just won't budge. I have no energy left and am stuck in bed all day. It's just so tragic.
Hoping to CTB soon via full suspension which I will be doing at home. A little tricky to find a spot but I think I will use weight lifting equipment. I live with family so if I can get some alone time I will CTB.
Wish me luck and peace.

 

[offbalance]

Good luck, I know first hand just how draining psychosis can be, even when part of you knows deep down it's not real

 

[shadow999]

Good luck, I know first hand just how draining psychosis can be, even when part of you knows deep down it's not real

Thanks. I can remember being so taken by the delusions, it consumed everything. Can't believe I didn't get proper education about psychosis that probably would have saved me.

 

[nibbleone]

Psychosis cost me my house, career, and all my money. It's a curse. Went from millionaire to my parents basement.

 

[shadow999]

Psychosis cost me my house, career, and all my money. It's a curse. Went from millionaire to my parents basement.

Sent me back to my parents house too. I used to have such a nice following for my music and I had to go and delete all my music and accounts out of delusional paranoia. Really feels like a curse.

 

[nobob]

I fell with you, I really do. A similar thing happened to me. My life is so fucked up. It feels like I'm living in the real world for the first time. My whole life has been such an illusive joke.

 

[shadow999]

I fell with you, I really do. A similar thing happened to me. My life is so fucked up. It feels like I'm living in the real world for the first time. My whole life has been such an illusive joke.

I feel ya. Feels like my folks set me up for failure. The wrong education and horrible treatment. If I CTB they will blame themselves and that is ok with me. At least I am not in psychosis now.

 

[LapseInTime]

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace! The fatigue part I can relate to. It's enough on its own.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot in this cruel existence, I hope you find the peace you search for, I understand why you'd feel so tired.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Pardon the question if it's too personal, but would you mind sharing what the experience itself was like?
What are some signs one could look out for or try for brief moments of clarity or sanity?
Did you feel altered in any way, was it like tripping balls?
Is it such a potent takeover of the mind that you wouldn't be able to recognize it if it happened again?

 

[nibbleone]

Pardon the question if it's too personal, but would you mind sharing what the experience itself was like?
What are some signs one could look out for or try for brief moments of clarity or sanity?
Did you feel altered in any way, was it like tripping balls?
Is it such a potent takeover of the mind that you wouldn't be able to recognize it if it happened again?

Be careful if you feel like you have things figured out. Gosh, it was like a rush of euphoria and ideas. I had a lot of research to backup my paranoia and euphoria over certain things. Be careful if you make big moves with finances.

 

[shadow999]

Pardon the question if it's too personal, but would you mind sharing what the experience itself was like?
What are some signs one could look out for or try for brief moments of clarity or sanity?
Did you feel altered in any way, was it like tripping balls?
Is it such a potent takeover of the mind that you wouldn't be able to recognize it if it happened again?

The experience was actually kind of euphoric, it was drug enduced psychosis so it mostly just felt like tripping.
I was having delusions and completely believing them, was talking to myself a lot, was hearing voices and seeing things that weren't there occasionally. Mostly it was that I was delusional. If it happened again it would be so apparent to me IMO because I have had so much sober time and time non psychotic, I would imagine I would recognize it.
If you are going through psychosis it's hard to say what could be a moment one coulf break free of it. It was so total for years for me I just thought it was enlightenment and I didn't experience any breaks from it.
It was more a period of time than episodic. I haven't believed delusions basically since I got sober.

 

[nibbleone]

Yes. If you think you're enlightened, Jesus, or supposed to save the world you're in psychosis.

 

[escape_from_hell]

The experience was actually kind of euphoric, it was drug enduced psychosis so it mostly just felt like tripping.
I was having delusions and completely believing them, was talking to myself a lot, was hearing voices and seeing things that weren't there occasionally. Mostly it was that I was delusional. If it happened again it would be so apparent to me IMO because I have had so much sober time and time non psychotic, I would imagine I would recognize it.
If you are going through psychosis it's hard to say what could be a moment one coulf break free of it. It was so total for years for me I just thought it was enlightenment and I didn't experience any breaks from it.
It was more a period of time than episodic. I haven't believed delusions basically since I got sober.

Be careful if you feel like you have things figured out. Gosh, it was like a rush of euphoria and ideas. I had a lot of research to backup my paranoia and euphoria over certain things. Be careful if you make big moves with finances.

Thank you for sharing. So euphoria seems to be a common theme, almost like a continual eureka or 'aha' moments?
Any theme to the delusions? Have heard paranoia is very common, is it like a persecution type thing like people are out to get you or more like a 'we are living amongst aliens' kind of secret knowledge or just high anxiety in general?

Any other common delusion themes to look out for? Finances getting pulled into a delusion sounds like it could be very ruinous and I'm sorry to hear you've been hurt by these delusions.

Sorry if asking too much, I think I could be vulnerable to this type of thing. I have a relative that often brings up being harassed by the government etc. but it seems like they are quite functional other than continuous complaints about it. Suspect I may be vulnerable to some degree genetically, have high anxiety but very low self-esteem which may keep me from imagining I am specifically targeted but could be otherwise delusional.

 

[nibbleone]

I've had a bunch of themes… thought 5g was going to really effect humanity (which it honestly may be doing), a certain crypto currency was going to save the financial system, I was Jesus, etc.

You can have a perfectly sound, supported idea and be delusional/psychotic. It depends on how it impacts your life.

There are genetics involved… COMT gene and dopamine regulation issues play a role. Bipolar/adhd can play a big role.

If you suspect you might have an issue STEER CLEAR OF MARIJUANA!!! Marijuana totally fucked me up. Search for marijuana induced psychosis and schizophrenia.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Wish you the best in whatever path you end up going. Psychosis really ain't a joke

 

[shadow999]

Thank you for sharing. So euphoria seems to be a common theme, almost like a continual eureka or 'aha' moments?
Any theme to the delusions? Have heard paranoia is very common, is it like a persecution type thing like people are out to get you or more like a 'we are living amongst aliens' kind of secret knowledge or just high anxiety in general?

Any other common delusion themes to look out for? Finances getting pulled into a delusion sounds like it could be very ruinous and I'm sorry to hear you've been hurt by these delusions.

Sorry if asking too much, I think I could be vulnerable to this type of thing. I have a relative that often brings up being harassed by the government etc. but it seems like they are quite functional other than continuous complaints about it. Suspect I may be vulnerable to some degree genetically, have high anxiety but very low self-esteem which may keep me from imagining I am specifically targeted but could be otherwise delusional.

Yeah I thought I was making revelation after revelation, was just getting swept up in fantasy. I thought I was psychic and that is why I was hearing voices. I thought there was a government plot out to get me and I was non human. It was so weird. I cringe at the memories. Wasn't too much anxiety for me. I used to feel relatively peaceful during that time, but I thought I was being hunted.
My finances are so shot. I would just say stay away from drugs and talk to a therapist if you feel like you are vulnerable to psychosis, you wanna avoid a "first break" from reality if it has not happened yet.

I've had a bunch of themes… thought 5g was going to really effect humanity (which it honestly may be doing), a certain crypto currency was going to save the financial system, I was Jesus, etc.

You can have a perfectly sound, supported idea and be delusional/psychotic. It depends on how it impacts your life.

There are genetics involved… COMT gene and dopamine regulation issues play a role. Bipolar/adhd can play a big role.

If you suspect you might have an issue STEER CLEAR OF MARIJUANA!!! Marijuana totally fucked me up. Search for marijuana induced psychosis and schizophrenia.

Yeah unfortunately if you have a family history or genetics of psychosis or schizophrenia you should really steer clear of psychedelics, plus drugs and alcohol in general. My grandma had psychotic episodes but I got 0 education about it.

 

[nibbleone]

Definitely avoid the first psychotic break! Get it treated. It sucks but psychosis can cause unimaginable problems if left untreated.

Once you recover find a psychiatrist that will slowly take you off the meds.

The whole reason I'm here is because of the effects of psychosis and the marijuana.

 

[Raven2]

A psychotic episode ruined my life too now I'm just stuck with all the repercussions from it. It sucks. I was fairly content before. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do.

 

[shadow999]

A psychotic episode ruined my life too now I'm just stuck with all the repercussions from it. It sucks. I was fairly content before. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do.

Thanks! Best wishes.

It sounds like you've suffered a lot in this cruel existence, I hope you find the peace you search for, I understand why you'd feel so tired.

Thank you so much. You've replied to all my threads so far that means so much really I wish you the best

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

i broke valuable things during a psychotic episode

 

[Nothing87]

I also suffer from psychosis and it completely ruined my life and my goals and It is also one of the factor why I will CTB.


Wish you luck!