Psychosis, anyone?

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I feel like I'm just constantly living in a state of psychosis. It crept up on me two years ago, and never went away.

Anyone else?

 

[Rachel74]

I feel like I'm just constantly living in a state of psychosis. It crept up on me two years ago, and never went away.

Anyone else?

I was diagnosed earlier this year and been bipolar 22 years. Have you been diagnosed and what treatment are you on?

 

[alexithymia]

I had a brief psychotic break this past summer. Scary stuff.

 

[262653]

I will ask again, even though I don't hope for a meaningful answer, but what am I to lose, right?

So... what is psychosis?

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I will ask again, even though I don't hope for a meaningful answer, but what am I to lose, right?

So... what is psychosis?

I don't know .

My guess is , a significant inability to process and share in culturally accepted models of reality .
( everything from your identity , personal responsibiliteies , day to day self care , ).
Reality becomes defined by the mind's projections rather than a 'relationship' of the mind/individual with
said 'communally accepted ' reality .
The social component is under valued I think.
almost as if , when society doesn't seem to 'fit' , it triggers a reliance and belief in an alternative version of
reality ?

( Being part of society seems un-real because it seems less authentic than the mind's construct.)

I had a phase 15 years ago where I knew I was in a 'different zone' .
I would term it a 'nervous breakdown ' .. it manifested in converting to a religion via
a work 'boss' who I sought advice from after suffering a trigger ing romantic failure .

( I later processed this as a failure of my self built core belief system .
A belief in 'the other ' , potential romantic partner who would 'save my world' - a reasonably
common 'fetish' that people use to build their character structure to endure life . )

I'm just shooting the breeze on a coffee overload .
Maybe some others will weigh in .

 

[Girobatol]

yes, it kicked me this may and now I wanna ctb.... I was violent to my relatives.

 

[Final Escape]

I decided to try coke today huge mistake. I had a bit of psychosis as I was coming down. I regret touching it, was my first time. I've got no downers to help go to sleep. It's gonna be a long night lol!

 

[Misanthrope]

I miss the Olanzapine. Due to health issues, I can't take it anymore and the new drug is utterly pointless. So I am back to the joys of disturbances. Mostly ghosts at the edges of my vision. Or snippets of dead clients, friends and family, telling me how much I fail. Fortunately, it is only that at the moment.

Psychosis for me has been a mix of things. From believing my dead fiance had reincarnated into my yoga instructor... Which ruined my current relationship at the time and would later damage my instructor when I came to my senses.

I had god talking to me at one time, this was actually pretty amazing because it was very funny and insightful and showed me reality as it truly was but also sent me on a mission and demanded I write down everything it said. For everyone else, I was batshit crazy and wound up sectioned after trespassing. What I wrote was honestly mostly gibberish I could have probably made a career out of it.

Got immensely paranoid by Monsanto, with ridiculous notions the entire food chain would be compromised so spent a stupid amount of money on seeds like I was preparing for the apocalypse and this was the only way to secure the future of my loved ones...

Had the joys of aliens pruning my soul and MK ultra style experiments being done on me. Made all the worse when I got sectioned and was now in an MK Ultra facility. That was a very combative stay... Only positive to come of it was it creatively inspired me to write the first parts of a book.

The most stubborn one is sometimes thinking my prior suicide attempt was actually successful. Reality split at that moment and this is actually hell. Just enough hope kept alive to refresh the pain and make life seem orchestrated maliciously at the expense of my now fictional loved ones and myself to maximise the horror.

All of the above is ironic because when I am with it I am staunchly invested in science and attempted rationalism and only have faith in indifferent causality. That is what makes it so insidious. It feels like being inverted. Waking up and then having to deal with the wreckage. feels like a repeated experience like groundhog day. However, with no fun life lessons, just a fucking mess and upset people and bridges burned and mounting debts.

Scientifically the jury is out on what Psychosis actually is. There are a lot of ghosts of patterns but nothing concrete to truly be excited about. That is not surprising though since even now new brain regions are being discovered. The gut-brain angle is gaining more traction. Along with new neurons being discovered. Hell, even much of what was thought to be known about memory has been somewhat turned on its head. The connection between psychosis and epilepsy is also interesting.

Sadly not enough is known to be truly useful to us right now.

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I was diagnosed earlier this year and been bipolar 22 years. Have you been diagnosed and what treatment are you on?

I'm not on anything, although I probably should look into it.

I had a brief psychotic break this past summer. Scary stuff.

It's very intense. I'd love to do a podcast about that kind of stuff one day, but my mind is too foggy right now

I don't know .

My guess is , a significant inability to process and share in culturally accepted models of reality .
( everything from your identity , personal responsibiliteies , day to day self care , ).
Reality becomes defined by the mind's projections rather than a 'relationship' of the mind/individual with
said 'communally accepted ' reality .
The social component is under valued I think.
almost as if , when society doesn't seem to 'fit' , it triggers a reliance and belief in an alternative version of
reality ?

( Being part of society seems un-real because it seems less authentic than the mind's construct.)

I had a phase 15 years ago where I knew I was in a 'different zone' .
I would term it a 'nervous breakdown ' .. it manifested in converting to a religion via
a work 'boss' who I sought advice from after suffering a trigger ing romantic failure .

( I later processed this as a failure of my self built core belief system .
A belief in 'the other ' , potential romantic partner who would 'save my world' - a reasonably
common 'fetish' that people use to build their character structure to endure life . )

I'm just shooting the breeze on a coffee overload .
Maybe some others will weigh in .

This is a good way to put it I believe.

It's very hard to explain, but that may just be the brain fog. It makes me second guess everything around me. It makes me feel like everything I do is socially incorrect, and it makes me cautious of every social interaction.
It just makes me feel... psychotic

 

[AngelGirl]

Kind of an old thread, but I always had somewhat high psychosis levels when I got tested. I got tested by psychiatrists twice. The first time I got it done was about 8 years ago, and I got it done recently.

I always have a hard time understanding normal people. I feel like how a typical person thinks or acts. I don't want to change who I am but I want to be able to act like a normal person.
For instance I notice that I laugh at inappropriate times. I just do not understand when it's okay to laugh and when it's not to laugh. I only learn from other people's negative reaction afterwards.

I also feel that I also come across as inconsiderate, because I can't exactly understand how a typical person feels in a given situation. I often don't know if the person is happy or angry. It really messes with my ability to interact and build relationships with other people.

 

[netrezven]

The way it's mostly presented with me is like living trhought situations inside my head. It can feel like hours but it only takes seconds in real time. There is no difference in what happend in that psyhosis and what i did like 5 min/days ago, both feel real the same as i try to go back with memories. When i'm in this world of situations i know they are not real, but it feels like it is. Like planning to kill someone if he desides to kill me first, long before he even starts making that desigion. Long before i even deside to make a meeting. Everyone is alive, but still have this face full of agression, and nobody wants to kill me actually. It's a psyhosis and at least i know it.
Or like meeting a gril in a bar if i ask myself "why not chat with her a little", i'm entered into a world of any kind of done conversations with her in the milisecond. The sad part is that if i go to chat with her i know what will happen. I mean almost every single world that she or i would say corespond to variants in my psyhosis. Tested it in real life. It's not even necessary to be about me. I got old friends calling me back after a date, telling me "How the f*ck you knew all that details you told me before it". I'm so bored with normal.
I look at this stuff as calculations of possible outcomes triggered by very small actions in the long run. Big part of the way my psyhosis works is to predict bad and terrible outcomes, that happen because of small things. Must say lots of shit happens because of "small" desigions and actions in real life anyway.
It can work in a positive way too, like how to make money. My head starts to be like microwave with popcorns popping out.

 

[AngelGirl]

The way it's mostly presented with me is like living trhought situations inside my head. It can feel like hours but it only takes seconds in real time. There is no difference in what happend in that psyhosis and what i did like 5 min/days ago, both feel real the same as i try to go back with memories. When i'm in this world of situations i know they are not real, but it feels like it is. Like planning to kill someone if he desides to kill me first, long before he even starts making that desigion. Long before i even deside to make a meeting. Everyone is alive, but still have this face full of agression, and nobody wants to kill me actually. It's a psyhosis and at least i know it.
Or like meeting a gril in a bar if i ask myself "why not chat with her a little", i'm entered into a world of any kind of done conversations with her in the milisecond. The sad part is that if i go to chat with her i know what will happen. I mean almost every single world that she or i would say corespond to variants in my psyhosis. Tested it in real life. It's not even necessary to be about me. I got old friends calling me back after a date, telling me "How the f*ck you knew all that details you told me before it". I'm so bored with normal.
I look at this stuff as calculations of possible outcomes triggered by very small actions in the long run. Big part of the way my psyhosis works is to predict bad and terrible outcomes, that happen because of small things. Must say lots of shit happens because of "small" desigions and actions in real life anyway.
It can work in a positive way too, like how to make money. My head starts to be like microwave with popcorns popping out.

I'm sorry about the way you feel. Do you have a diagnosis? I often think a lot about having to kill them first before they kill me. I feel this way more strongly when I'm with someone who's close to me. I feel this way for random people too but only very weakly. I want to build normal relationships with other people but it's hard when they get more close to me I have to think more about killing them. And I probably wouldn't unless they are extremely close to me, like people I love or people I'm used to be in love with.
Actually I've seen someone who might suffer from a condition somewhat similar to yours when I was hospitalized in a psych ward. She was financially successful but it seemed like her life was continuously being ruined by her conditions. Again, I'm really sorry about what you are going through.

 

[Mr.Mediocre]

Never had a true psychosis, but I have PTSD from the time when I decided to take LSD in hopes it would make me happy for awhile, instead I didn't realize I had been sitting in a "friends" car too long and the cops got called on me during the peak of the trip (i took a massive dose) and had to maintain my composure to avoid getting arrested. Luckily I was not strip searched nor was I detained, but I remain traumatized, especially since the police officer knew I was on something and purposefully tried to get me to talk myself into a crime.

I vomited and cried for hours when I got back home. I did not go outside again for a week or 2 and to this day I get relapsing PTSD episodes whenever I see police. I'm sweating just typing this.

This wouldn't have bothered me much if I was off LSD. And I hadn't lied to my mom where I was going that day, because she still had reminded me not to do anything stupid and get myself in trouble. It was a massively embarrassing and humiliating experience that is going to be with me for the rest of my (hopefully) short life. I just wanted to feel happy for fucking once and I couldn't even have that.

 

[the box is empty]

I hear sounds like knocking or animals sometimes. I hear indiscernable whispers. At work I'm sure I come off as a prick because I sometimes don't respond to people talking to me when I'm not facing them. I'm trying to filter out if I'm actually hearing them or not.

 

[netrezven]

I'm sorry about the way you feel. Do you have a diagnosis? I often think a lot about having to kill them first before they kill me. I feel this way more strongly when I'm with someone who's close to me. I feel this way for random people too but only very weakly. I want to build normal relationships with other people but it's hard when they get more close to me I have to think more about killing them. And I probably wouldn't unless they are extremely close to me, like people I love or people I'm used to be in love with.
Actually I've seen someone who might suffer from a condition somewhat similar to yours when I was hospitalized in a psych ward. She was financially successful but it seemed like her life was continuously being ruined by her conditions. Again, I'm really sorry about what you are going through.

I have some tries with psychologists. I always end up quiting from that. What i thing about my conditions - PTSD for sure, mostly done by myslef, bipolar 2 or 1/i'm not sure/, combined with osdd/1b /meseed up with memories and recognising people/. Some many little tings in my brain that appeared on the scanner too. Never went to a mental hospital, only my wife considers that i might have some mental disorders, she likes it.
It' not like thinking should i ever kill my friends or something. I aways punish people /or protect myself/ by ingoring them completely. It's more connected to my business stuff, pure pragmatic stuff. Some recent stuff i put myself in: Since 2-3 years i'm negotiating about working some guys. I ended up not working with them at all. Reasons: the one guy wants to work with me, his people are idiots and he will always work for the bigger guy. The bigger guy knows about me /he showed up on a basic meeting not presentig himself/. I like him, he's like the older version of me, very close to Reimond Redington /in the black list series/, not the typical one. All scenarious in my head leaded to a situation where we will want to kill each other at some point during the years /10-15 years ahead/. And i believe he's thinking the same. Also i have some personal opinion based on their other businesses. Many people work with guys, they know that they will be betrayed and usually it's not a problem for them to do what it's necessary and obviously planed years ahed. I simply can't do that, not for money. For money - is the point of view now. If i see this in years, when the conflict comes, it will be a simple survival dilema, but that won't erase the fact that it all started for money, and some fun. It's a whole new paralel universe i have lived trought already, knowing it's only in my head. And those are just the silly ones.
Also i wanted to take some part in putting down some little tiny stupid government. No specific business interests there. It was better for humanity or at least for the one's that still have some working braincells. I just had to put 15 min to enjoy the lies on the evening news later. Now i want to help with this, only because i feel mentaly close to the other guys that are doing it. My actions can push things faster, but again they can ruin negotiations and lives. So i pass and watch the show from behind. It' not that importat to me practically, just knowing that there is someon who is doing what you will do in such a situation is both like "falling in love" and beeing afraid to the bones at the same time.
With friends and people i care about it's more like: Even if i want to buy a new fast/exotic/ car as a gift, or help with money, i can't do it, without saying what i see afterwards. Fast car as a gift is presented to my head as creating a danger point leading to a possible fatal carcrash. Giving money to someone who is not good with it can also be very destructive. I won't ever buy a vacation vauchers as a gift too.
Most of the time i'm simply not doing anything, trying not to create that fatal points, as i had some in my life for real. All i can do is distract myself so no one can see what i see. I have some good variants for points too and acting on them. It all works fine, but being one simple point away from disaster scares me alot. Not for me, for the others i care. I know, i'm crazy as f*ck, sorry.

 

[kovkay]

I had a drug-induced psychosis from abuse of LSD. I had weird delusions, thought I could control time. I cut off my hair and would wear a watch around staring at it when I wanted to slow time down. I also decided to start a company that would make smart watches. I had a weird infatuation with a guy that went to the same university, I confessed my love to him. I would listen to songs and think they have hidden meanings and I would send them to my friend saying stuff like "follow the red"
I look back at this time with lots of embarrassment. I still cringe at the stuff I've done and the way I behaved. This experience really put me off drugs forever.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I've had drug induced psychosis from lsd too, learnt it was that as that's what my doctor told me it was 3 weeks after taking the lsd, i was still very anxious and generally feeling disassociated. While high on the lsd though, those few hours, was pure fear and anxiety, turbo'd.

For 7 years i was schizophrenic and was hearing things, occasionally smelling things, getting all sorts of weird and unpleasant bodily feelings which always included anxiety, with really far out delusions and beliefs/thoughts.