Psych ward. Please help me. I am not insane. All I wanted was to die..

[MyTimeIsUp]

Hiya guys

I am not insane, but they are making out I am. Bare in mind I am not on medication, because my mood isn't the issue. I'm not depressed. I am a very traumatised individual.

Since trying to advocate for myself, things are changing. Yesterday someone knocked on my door to do a 'security check' and asked if I needed to speak to the doctor. Because I said I don't feel listened to. I expressed it again, and I was again, asked if I was going to hurt myself, do I feel safe, why don't you come out of your room so you're safe etc. Wtf? It's staff I don't feel safe around.

The reason I was sectioned was because where I was living FORCED them. It was either section me or kick me out.

The reason I told this person, albeit a professional (not MH).- she told me things about herself and she led me to believe it was OK, because she said she believes anyone should be able to end their life if they want to. Next thing I know, she is ringing all day and telling the crisis team etc 'if you don't section her, she's getting kicked out'. She did this ALL DAY, and told several people. Including the doctors that sectioned me.

I've read my care plan. The reason why I wanted to die isn't even on there (it is trauma, but very specific)... they haven't even got the area of the UK I was living correct on it, it is hundreds of miles from where they've put lmao. They have added a medical issue I've never had in my life, and have been tested for but it was years ago and all negative. Wtf. They've added shit and twisted it. Made out like I'm a chronic self harmer when it is RARE for me, and I don't cut. I didn't even say all this. I said it was rare. I'm in here for intent to end my life.

They're making out I am delusional, when I am not

I was sane when I arrived. Now I am not

They have taken my dignity. I have nothing left.

Everything changes when you start to speak up.

I am so scared.

Not only has my mental health declined, so has my physical health and rapidly. No one cares about you. You're deemed as insane.

I am a shell of a person now.

What did I do to deserve this?

There's a lot that's happened in here, that I can't go into, because I don't want to identify myself

Someone please talk to me on this thread.

Someone PLEASE believe me. PLEASE. I promise I am not fucking insane. Please. I am begging you. Believe me. Someone.

I can't do this alone. I have no family to help me, and no friends to help me.

I'm so scared someone will see this

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

You are not insane.

You have insight into your problems and situation.

Whenever I end up in the psych ward [it's been years since, thankfully] I would just keep lying until they let me go. Of course I feel fine! Of course I have no plans to off myself!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not insane! I'm sorry they treat you in such a horrible way there. It's inhumane to be imprisoned in a psych ward.

 

[athiestjoe]

You are not crazy or insane!! It breaks my heart to hear about the pain you're experiencing. This situation sounds totally overwhelming and awful, and I wish I could do something other than just give you reassurances. You don't deserve what they're putting you through—it's awful. I hope you find peace and serenity.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm so sorry for your suffering. I wish I could help more than just saying words but I confirm that you definitely aren't insane. You are very much sane but, unfortunately, you're living in an insane world with insane people. It's society that is insane, not you. Unfortunately, to get out of there, you have to pretend that you're insane just like them. I know it's difficult to do but there's no other way around it. I hope you can escape them asap so that you can be free from their clutches. I just want to say one more time that you aren't the insane one here

 

[SVEN]

Being in the UK myself, this sounds fairly typical of our "Mental Health" services, where they even exist. I've been threatened by Community Psychiatric Nurses with being detained if I didn't follow their instructions, and as one put it, "We won't hesitate and you won't like it !"
Really sorry for your predicament.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It sounds like that kind of place could easily turn a person insane! It's like gaslighting on a professional level! Well- it says here you have this illness so- therefore- you do. No- it can't be a clerical error. It also says you live hundreds of miles from where you say you do. You must be feeling really confused today! No- we can't have got it wrong... You're the insane one... It sounds awful!

I'm so sorry you are in this situation and the way you have found yourself in it sounds pretty underhand too. The person who refered you did sound as if they were baiting you to say all that stuff. How weird. Is it NHS? You'd think they wouldn't be actively trying to make more work for themselves.

I was lucky that it went no further but I glimsed at a fraction of the fear and powerlessness you must be feeling. After the IC SN welfare checks, they put me in touch with a helpline. One lady I spoke to was nice. The next, really wasn't. I really didn't want their help. I wasn't at immediate risk. I truly don't believe I have a severe mental illness asides from possibly mild depression- which I imagine a huge amount of people have. This was almost two years ago now. I'm hardly impulsive! Anyhow, this woman brought up 'mental competency' and I was frightened for a second. Like- seriously? You're not actually going to try and section me? It was scary to think they could even. After that, I wondered. Can you get a solicitor involved I wonder.

Do you know how long you have to stay there for?

 

[unknown23]

Sadly mental health services especially in the UK are just not what they need to be. Psych wards are horrible places that take any control away from an individual and they think that will change someone's outlook on life. Especially acute psych wards, they are chronically understaffed, they are not safe places at all. The words for in your best interest scares me now as I know where it is heading.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

You are not insane.

You have insight into your problems and situation.

Whenever I end up in the psych ward [it's been years since, thankfully] I would just keep lying until they let me go. Of course I feel fine! Of course I have no plans to off myself!

I have been, but yesterday I read some notes and of course I'll dispute it if it isn't true, basically the non mental health stuff. And all because I said I don't feel listened to... All staff said I was doing good and will probably get to go home soon, but since yesterday... been weird. Been repeatedly asked if I need to see a doctor, and if I'm going to hurt myself wtf. Am I OK? Are you going to hurt yourself? Wtf. Night staff are horrific. Already told them I've changed my mind, I said that days after arriving and day staff believed me.

You are not crazy or insane!! It breaks my heart to hear about the pain you're experiencing. This situation sounds totally overwhelming and awful, and I wish I could do something other than just give you reassurances. You don't deserve what they're putting you through—it's awful. I hope you find peace and serenity.

Thanks for this. I wish I lived in a country where no sections exist. I don't understand why they think it's acceptable to lock people away.

It sounds like that kind of place could easily turn a person insane! It's like gaslighting on a professional level! Well- it says here you have this illness so- therefore- you do. No- it can't be a clerical error. It also says you live hundreds of miles from where you say you do. You must be feeling really confused today! No- we can't have got it wrong... You're the insane one... It sounds awful!

I'm so sorry you are in this situation and the way you have found yourself in it sounds pretty underhand too. The person who refered you did sound as if they were baiting you to say all that stuff. How weird. Is it NHS? You'd think they wouldn't be actively trying to make more work for themselves.

I was lucky that it went no further but I glimsed at a fraction of the fear and powerlessness you must be feeling. After the IC SN welfare checks, they put me in touch with a helpline. One lady I spoke to was nice. The next, really wasn't. I really didn't want their help. I wasn't at immediate risk. I truly don't believe I have a severe mental illness asides from possibly mild depression- which I imagine a huge amount of people have. This was almost two years ago now. I'm hardly impulsive! Anyhow, this woman brought up 'mental competency' and I was frightened for a second. Like- seriously? You're not actually going to try and section me? It was scary to think they could even. After that, I wondered. Can you get a solicitor involved I wonder.

Do you know how long you have to stay there for?

Yep, that person was. And she was gaslighting me, and she has since gone behind my back and spoken to my consultant. My consultant is nasty. He's mean, he's dismissive, he's called me delusional and all sorts. All they do is gaslight. I'm questioning my sanity now. I'm starting to think I am crazy. It's NHS yeah, but the hospital is private and they get thousands a week per patient. The reviews about it are horrific and I'm not surprised.

Unfortunately, anything like that, you're deemed as fucking insane, it doesn't matter. No one gives a fuck. Once you're labeled with something, even if you don't actually have it (I really don't, plenty have told me, even other psychiatrists and psychologists, but this one doesn't care so whatever).

After this, I will likely never speak to a person again. I'm so traumatised. I'm already traumatised, I swear they're doing it on purpose. I wish I could go into more detail.

4 weeks, but they can extended it whenever they want. And they can randomly decide to hold me down and medicate me, it is lawful. How disgusting? My mood isn't an issue.

If I did that, I'll be deemed as crazier. I asked about a tribunal and they said there's no point, because they will listen to the doctor (he has a really bad reputation with patients, but they won't care - we're the crazy ones remember).

I'm fucked

My life is over

Being in the UK myself, this sounds fairly typical of our "Mental Health" services, where they even exist. I've been threatened by Community Psychiatric Nurses with being detained if I didn't follow their instructions, and as one put it, "We won't hesitate and you won't like it !"
Really sorry for your predicament.

Yep, lock us away and shut us up.

 

[whywere]

I cried reading your thread, as NO ONE should ever have to be downgraded like you have been. Not only is it totally unfair but to have someone else dictate one's life is SO WRONG and then add another WRONG layer on top when you are not bothering anyone.

Back in late summer 2015, when I went to see a primary care doctor. she decided right then and there that I "needed" mental health help and the next thing I know I am locked up in the psychic ward. I asked every doctor and nurse why and I was forced to stay a whole week, until a psychiatrist came by for the first time, after I had been in for 7 days and ask why I was there, as I did not need to be, go figure.

I send you lots of huge hugs, love, caring thoughts well wishes and the knowledge that you are never ever alone as you have family here always including me, as I also have no family nor friends.

Walter

 

[lifeisbutadream]

I think the best way to get out of a bad situation like that ASAP is be very polite to them - even tho they don't deserve it - and tell them what they want to hear.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I think the best way to get out of a bad situation like that ASAP is be very polite to them - even tho they don't deserve it - and tell them what they want to hear.

Literally what I've been doing the entire time, all the staff here love me and think I'm fine now. It is the night staff the issue. If only you understood psych wards. It isn't as black and white as that, hence psych ward. .? I'm the calmest, well behaved patient on the ward. Inside, I am not. I know how to mask my emotions, and to fawn, as it's how I've survived my entire life.

I don't need you to state the obvious. I apologise if you feel that was abrupt, but put yourself in my shoes for a second. It really isn't as simple as you think. This is about making money, not a person's wellbeing etc. I am a machine to them, nothing else.

I cried reading your thread, as NO ONE should ever have to be downgraded like you have been. Not only is it totally unfair but to have someone else dictate one's life is SO WRONG and then add another WRONG layer on top when you are not bothering anyone.

Back in late summer 2015, when I went to see a primary care doctor. she decided right then and there that I "needed" mental health help and the next thing I know I am locked up in the psychic ward. I asked every doctor and nurse why and I was forced to stay a whole week, until a psychiatrist came by for the first time, after I had been in for 7 days and ask why I was there, as I did not need to be, go figure.

I send you lots of huge hugs, love, caring thoughts well wishes and the knowledge that you are never ever alone as you have family here always including me, as I also have no family nor friends.

Walter

Thanks Walter. I appreciate that.

Unfortunately, a section 2 isn't that simple. They can do what they like to you. No one will believe me. Once you're called delusional, you're fucked. And this doctor, whom by the way, isn't even treating me, doesn't listen to me, he talks to staff members about me when I'm in the room, like I am 2. He speaks to me like he knows exactly what I am thinking and I am not thinking that, but hey, I don't know what I think, apparently. He has made me look more and more insane. Before this, I was fully independent living alone. All this happened because I fled an abusive relationship and was traumatised by a man, but that's 'delusional'.

I am not having treatment here. I really don't know why I'm still here and staff don't either. The doctor merely wants money. There's no reason to keep me here

I apologise for the shitty wording. I am normally a very articulate and intelligent individual, but unfortunately this experience has fucked me and I'm questioning everything right now, so I cannot write the way I usually do.

Thank you for your kind words, it means so much x

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Update:
A staff member believes me as she knows what this piece of shit doctor does to patients, many have complained. Also, a fellow patient backed me up about what happened as they heard our chat. See, I'm not fucking crazy.

 

[Unspoken7612]

Ask to speak to an Independent Mental Health Advocate.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/my-rights/

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Ask to speak to an Independent Mental Health Advocate.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/my-rights/

One comes on the ward each week but I don't trust them. How can I? I'm going to dispute everything, but my physical health is rapidly declining so I don't know. I'm normally a very healthy person but not anymore, not since coming in here. From the moment I arrived. No, I'm not on psych meds

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible to me, I'm sorry you have to suffer, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I hope they will free you
You are not insane
*hugs*

 

[skyflame]

I really feel for you, it's horrible being on a ward and staff don't realise how degrading the experience is because it's their place of work, and they get to go home at the end of the shift.

I was sectioned a couple of months ago and spoke to a MH advocate like someone else here suggested. I only had one meeting but I was surprised by how helpful they were, and I would have seen them again if I didn't get discharged.

There's no commitment, you can just have a chat about your concerns and maybe they can communicate this to staff. I'd recommend giving them a go if you feel up to it. It's a least a break from the boredom!
Sending you hugs <3

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I really feel for you, it's horrible being on a ward and staff don't realise how degrading the experience is because it's their place of work, and they get to go home at the end of the shift.

I was sectioned a couple of months ago and spoke to a MH advocate like someone else here suggested. I only had one meeting but I was surprised by how helpful they were, and I would have seen them again if I didn't get discharged.

There's no commitment, you can just have a chat about your concerns and maybe they can communicate this to staff. I'd recommend giving them a go if you feel up to it. It's a least a break from the boredom!
Sending you hugs <3

Thanks for this, this makes me feel so much better, because you've been through it. I've had a few conversations today, and staff are aware I'm not how I've been portrayed on my notes. And a patient backed me up in front of staff about how some staff treated me recently

I'll speak to the MH advocate next week, also, properly this time. I was too scared to earlier in the week.

I've asked for a *proper* assessment, which was the actual point of me being in here. Hopefully things will move along by Monday/Tuesday

Thanks :-)
Thanks for everyone's support, I really appreciate it ♥

 

[cicatrezESP]

i hope you can get out as soon as you can, you deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. i'm really sorry you have to go through this. i'm glad you have been able to receive support here, it's such a shame when doctors/nurses/mental health care doesn't do their job properly which is treat their patients with necessary respect. in the mean time, i hope there is a peaceful place in your mind you can return to, if you can find peace in such a horrendous situation. best wishes.

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

You are not alone! There are many, many people in this world, and especially in this forum, who can tell that you are completely sane. You are suffering, not insane. This is just how they treat people who suffer, because they don't know what else to do.

 

[verdedefome]

You're not insane, do not question your sanity. Are you familiar with the Rosenhan experiment?

Rosenhan experiment - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I'm not sure what you need to do to get out of there, but don't hesitate to lie or fake what you need to leave. You should trust your own experiences and judgement, and you've already figured out that this place doesn't exist to help you, so just keep as calm as you're able to and try to leave. And it's probably easy for me to say this when I'm not in your extremely distressing situation but it's all I can say, trust your own judgement, stay calm and do what you can to leave.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Update.

Being fobbed off. Treating me like a fucking 2 year old. Actually thought they'd listen lmfao

So things have to be 'put in place' for me to go home..what? I was fully independent before this. Now suddenly.. I'm not? Lmfao wtf.

Oh and I have to put my CASE to my consultant like he's my daddy and I have to ask permission to go home. Wtf. Fuck me. I am fuming. Just when I thought I was being listen to. Knew it would be short lived

Fuck this shit.

Essentially they just implied this is exposure therapy. . So the re traumatising me was intentional and they don't care. Essentially told me to 'deal with it' - not exact words, but may as well have said that. Treating me like someone that can't take care of themselves. I live alone. I have my entire life. Fuck everything. Putting words in my mouth and head also. Fuck off. Like I can't make a basic fucking decision. I make everyday life decisions with no help.

What the fuck

Cool.

Well I feel like a fucking idiot.

I am fuming.

This is an absolute fucking PISS TAKE.

Can't believe this.

They said I'm still here because I've got to 'prove' I can keep myself safe when alone. Lmao how you meant to when... I'm not at home? So I have to continue to be abused. Nice one.

Don't care how the staff are treating me. The previous person did..this one nah.

Fuck this.

You're not insane, do not question your sanity. Are you familiar with the Rosenhan experiment?

Rosenhan experiment - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I'm not sure what you need to do to get out of there, but don't hesitate to lie or fake what you need to leave. You should trust your own experiences and judgement, and you've already figured out that this place doesn't exist to help you, so just keep as calm as you're able to and try to leave. And it's probably easy for me to say this when I'm not in your extremely distressing situation but it's all I can say, trust your own judgement, stay calm and do what you can to leave.

What the actual fuck? A good psychiatrist would be able to tell the difference between faking and not. What bullshit. Mine can't - he makes shit up about me, based on nothing.

I'm staying calm, don't worry. I'm very good at masking.

When I'm out, human contact stops. Except over text and on here.

They can fuck off. Literally coercing me into things just so I can go home? Fuck off. Disgusting. This is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR.

Can't believe this is happening.

 

[whywere]

Update.

Being fobbed off. Treating me like a fucking 2 year old. Actually thought they'd listen lmfao

So things have to be 'put in place' for me to go home..what? I was fully independent before this. Now suddenly.. I'm not? Lmfao wtf.

Oh and I have to put my CASE to my consultant like he's my daddy and I have to ask permission to go home. Wtf. Fuck me. I am fuming. Just when I thought I was being listen to. Knew it would be short lived

Fuck this shit.

Essentially they just implied this is exposure therapy. . So the re traumatising me was intentional and they don't care. Essentially told me to 'deal with it' - not exact words, but may as well have said that. Treating me like someone that can't take care of themselves. I live alone. I have my entire life. Fuck everything. Putting words in my mouth and head also. Fuck off. Like I can't make a basic fucking decision. I make everyday life decisions with no help.

What the fuck

Cool.

Well I feel like a fucking idiot.

I am fuming.

This is an absolute fucking PISS TAKE.

Can't believe this.

They said I'm still here because I've got to 'prove' I can keep myself safe when alone. Lmao how you meant to when... I'm not at home? So I have to continue to be abused. Nice one.

Don't care how the staff are treating me. The previous person did..this one nah.

Fuck this.

What the actual fuck? A good psychiatrist would be able to tell the difference between faking and not. What bullshit. Mine can't - he makes shit up about me, based on nothing.

I'm staying calm, don't worry. I'm very good at masking.

When I'm out, human contact stops. Except over text and on here.

They can fuck off. Literally coercing me into things just so I can go home? Fuck off. Disgusting. This is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR.

Can't believe this is happening.

Said a prayer for you last night when I retired and have you in my thoughts all the time, my family member.

Stay strong and lots of hugs and caring thoughts.

Walter

 

[LittleJem]

If you are on a ward you probably know you have to act really calm to leave. I hate it. My top tip is if they give you benzos take benzos as those will help you be calm.

They don't understand trauma or anything really - they are doing a job which gives them the right/role to speak for you and you have to take it calmly and go with their narrative. It is disrespectful and infuriating and sorry you are going through this

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

If you are on a ward you probably know you have to act really calm to leave. I hate it. My top tip is if they give you benzos take benzos as those will help you be calm.

They don't understand trauma or anything really - they are doing a job which gives them the right/role to speak for you and you have to take it calmly and go with their narrative. It is disrespectful and infuriating and sorry you are going through this

I've been calm the entire time I've been here. That's not the issue. It's the fact of 'proving' I'm safe alone yet I've lived my life alone, and haven't tried to kill myself everyday (sarcasm, obviously I haven't, how stupid are they).

I'm not on any psych meds at all, my mood isn't an issue, hence why I'm not on meds or relaxants etc - not the issue - it's trauma, and they know and agree. I have tried two different calming meds but that was when I first got here and they didn't do shit, so no point trying again and again.

I can easily fake calmness. I internalise everything - always have, it's how I've survived. Little do they know. Fawning is how I've survived.

I just want to get out of this fucking prison

I honestly appreciate your words so much, it helps me feel less alone ♥

Said a prayer for you last night when I retired and have you in my thoughts all the time, my family member.

Stay strong and lots of hugs and caring thoughts.

Walter

Thank you Walter, you're so lovely. You're all so lovely and caring. I wish we didn't get such a bad press.

Don't know what I'd do without you lot you've all kept me from going quite literally insane. I almost lost it earlier. It is hard to be repeatedly backed into a corner and broken down daily.

I'll be going home soon. Half way there. Unless the cunts change things. Can't see why they would.

Everyone remember, if you ever *want* to be sectioned, read this shit. You don't, trust me, no matter how desperate you think you are. It is NEVER. I repeat, NEVER worth it