Progressing into the very last stage of my whole life

[Incorrigible77777]

Submitted resignation application to Microsoft on Monday. Ordered a rented house and just moved in yesterday. For the rest of time I won't work anymore. And if everything goes fine (e.g. the N I order arrives on time), I'm expected to CTB in October when my life ends at the age of 24.

Still somehow frightened due to survival instinct. Any idea on how to cope with it?

 

[rt1989526]

Wishing you the best, jealous that you scored some N. Are you going to have it tested?

Wish I had advice for you about SI, I am going to have to battle it myself.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

jealous that you scored some N.

Not yet. But it's on the way. Contacted the A and finished setting up my bitcoin account. Will deposit and place the order if things go fine. And on the other hand, I already contacted a forwarder so that I plan to have the C->forwarder->my place.

 

[Joey]

Wish you the best man on whatever decision you make whether if it's changing your mind or going through with it.

SI is a bitch to conquer and I'm not really sure.. :(

 

[Jojo81]

Man am so jealous of you. Developer at M. Nice salary. Young guy.. Not Married.. Etc.. But I haven't put myself in your shoes.. Only you know the pain you carry.. But deep in my heart, I think you can keep going with life. Am sorry about this.. Wish you all the best.

 

[Ghost2211]

Very cool you get a truly peaceful method. I hope your final couple months are relaxed and comfortable.

 

[Painless_end]

Submitted resignation application to Microsoft on Monday. Ordered a rented house and just moved in yesterday. For the rest of time I won't work anymore. And if everything goes fine (e.g. the N I order arrives on time), I'm expected to CTB in October when my life ends at the age of 24.

Still somehow frightened due to survival instinct. Any idea on how to cope with it?

May I ask what happened due to which you feel like CTB

 

[endergames]

I can only guess that something tragic or traumatic occurred for you to decide on CTB. In terms of controlling SI, I would suggest a clear mind of purpose and meditative detachment. I wish you luck as you embark in your journey.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

Man am so jealous of you. Developer at M. Nice salary. Young guy.. Not Married.. Etc.. But I haven't put myself in your shoes.. Only you know the pain you carry.. But deep in my heart, I think you can keep going with life. Am sorry about this.. Wish you all the best.

Thank you. I really appreciate. If there were more people around me said so, tragedies would not happen. However, I'm born in a misfortune family of origin, and in an East Asian country which endorses suffocating cutthroat culture. It's way too late as the mode of thoughts were formed when I grow up and is already hard to change.

For my story in detail can read this thread.

May I ask what happened due to which you feel like CTB

I can only guess that something tragic or traumatic occurred for you to decide on CTB. In terms of controlling SI, I would suggest a clear mind of purpose and meditative detachment. I wish you luck as you embark in your journey.

My story

 

[Xiaomi]

Submitted resignation application to Microsoft on Monday. Ordered a rented house and just moved in yesterday. For the rest of time I won't work anymore. And if everything goes fine (e.g. the N I order arrives on time), I'm expected to CTB in October when my life ends at the age of 24.

Still somehow frightened due to survival instinct. Any idea on how to cope with it?

I'm sorry everything had led to this.

In order to combat SI, you might want to numb yourself with drugs or just recall your most painful experiences to prove that life isn't worth going back to.

 

[RedDEE]

My advice is that if your N does not arrive, acquire F instead.

 

[Captive of Mind]

My advice is that if your N does not arrive, acquire F instead.

Is that what you are doing? And is it easy to get F?

 

[RedDEE]

Is that what you are doing? And is it easy to get F?

No, that's not what I'm doing. But F is very easy to get on the darkweb. Once, I got F, but not to CTB, just to get high and for fun. It is very lethal. But at small doses, it is a good high.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I would like to do the same but I don't have the energy. This constant battle in my mind makes me being tired all day.

 

[Taki]

Thank you. I really appreciate. If there were more people around me said so, tragedies would not happen. However, I'm born in a misfortune family of origin, and in an East Asian country which endorses suffocating cutthroat culture. It's way too late as the mode of thoughts were formed when I grow up and is already hard to change.

For my story in detail can read this thread.


My story

This is the amazing thing about the conviction to die, in the way it absolutely overtakes us regardless of our lives and how they appear. No one on the outside can possibly understand it. Still I feel sad for you and if things can turn around for you I hope they do.

 

[listeningpost1379]

when asian parents are bad, they are the worst of all evils, and the way society is built there completely crushes down on victims. the typical complaints from the majority with normal parents dilute it, when we're overseas, diaspora speaking over us dilute it further. it is the most isolating experience in the world

i envy you for finding determination while so young. good luck with everything

 

[airboy_a380]

Dude, why don't you move to another country, you clearly have the skills for it.

 

[draw a circle]

good luck bro. i might be doing it before the year ends, wish me luck as well

 

[listeningpost1379]

Dude, why don't you move to another country, you clearly have the skills for it.

this is a very naive comment. skills mean nothing. it depends on each person's situation & can be horrifyingly difficult. i have been trying for the past 12 years

 

[woxihuanni]

this is a very naive comment. skills mean nothing. it depends on each person's situation & can be horrifyingly difficult. i have been trying for the past 12 years

Yeah it fucking kills me. Having the skills to be useful to others does not necessarily mean those skills ever buy you what YOU need. I wonder how many of us are here who are so sick of being a whipped brain that they'd gladly take their brains out and shove them u somebody's ass.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

Yeah it fucking kills me. Having the skills to be useful to others does not necessarily mean those skills ever buy you what YOU need. I wonder how many of us are here who are so sick of being a whipped brain that they'd gladly take their brains out and shove them u somebody's ass.

你也是中国人吗？看你ID应该是吧

I'm sorry everything had led to this.

In order to combat SI, you might want to numb yourself with drugs or just recall your most painful experiences to prove that life isn't worth going back to.

I think I'm already very dedicated to death. There's nothing else I long for on this world. I just wanna go and never look back. I chatted with several SS users before and found I'm the most desperate one among all of them.

My advice is that if your N does not arrive, acquire F instead.

What's F? I saw people talking about it in the past 2 or 3 days.

No, that's not what I'm doing. But F is very easy to get on the darkweb. Once, I got F, but not to CTB, just to get high and for fun. It is very lethal. But at small doses, it is a good high.

So the effect of F is just "getting high"? How does it differ from N?

I would like to do the same but I don't have the energy. This constant battle in my mind makes me being tired all day.

I understand the feeling of not having energy cuz this is also the symptom of major depression I have. When major depression gets severe, I could just lay in the bed and don't feel like eating or drinking anything. I feel extremely weak and don't even have strength to surf the Internet. I haven't eaten anything in the past 3 days.

good luck bro. i might be doing it before the year ends, wish me luck as well

Good luck bro! You're great See you there.

 

[woxihuanni]

@Incorrigible77777, I'm not Chinese but I'd taught myself some Chinese way back. No longer remember much.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

@Incorrigible77777, I'm not Chinese but I'd taught myself some Chinese way back. No longer remember much.

Maybe I can teach you to recall the knowledge, when I'm still alive ;-)