Pro choice but only recently

[Step40]

So first time poster long time lurker. I have felt guilty reading and not showing my presence.
My brother ctb 15 years ago and up until about 5 years ago I was totally pro life.
I have been depressed and anxious only because of his death and the complete shock of it. There was absolutely no warnings at all.
I took sepsis after giving birth 5 years ago and I am lucky to be here but as a result of the sepsis I have physical and cognitive issues. Extreme tiredness which pisses me right off.
But as I have matured and understood suicide I am totally understanding of anyone wanting to ctb I completely acknowledge my bros pain and that it was his choice and right and my feelings or my life is no substitute for him to live his. It's quite selfish I think as I am only hurting because I am taking into account my feelings my loss and not his.
I attempted about 2 years after my brother's passing, I'm not sure how it happened as I was a very very heavy drinker but I tried to cut my wrists and ended up cutting my thighs
I guess what I'm saying is that I accept and acknowledge pro choice. I feel more comfortable on this forum than in suicide loss forums. Says a lot doesn't it.
I'm sorry for my crap writing sometimes I find it hard to put write down what's in my head.
Hope you all have a peaceful day x

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That was a good post and a great introduction. I'm sorry for your suffering but glad you're here.

I, too, lost someone to suicide unexpectedly, and I was traumatized and quite pro-life as a result. I can imagine suicide loss forums try to provide support but also negate and vilify the act of suicide, making the one who did so a kind of enemy because they were selfish, thoughtless, etc., and their act resulted in pain for others, which gets conflated with a conscious, intentional assault. It seems such stances would make the survivors "right," like innocent victims, and those who suicide "wrong," so that may feel supportive and empowered for a while, but it doesn't promote healing or understanding for the self or for the one who died. I could be wrong about the environment, it just makes sense based on how I myself felt and acted, and how others do as well. It's all focused on the one recovering, not on the multiple perspectives. Black-and-white, right-and-wrong thinking feels definitive and offers a sense of control, while accepting that there is gray means accepting one doesn't have control. That's not comfortable, nor comforting, unless one finds acceptance comforting. It's certainly less crazy-making.

I recently posted about it if you'd like to read, that is, how I acted pro-life and no longer do. I agree with your statement that pro-choice is more comfortable. It's not fighting against what or who one had no control over, it's respectful acceptance. At least, that's how I experience what you said.

I became pro-choice several years ago, not just about suicide, but about people having the right to autonomy and make decisions for themselves, even if I don't agree. I get to be autonomous, and to only make choices for me, and those who don't agree have to deal with that; I don't own it. I don't own others, either.

 

[Step40]

@GoodPersonEffed thanks for that.
that's me in a nutshell.
Don't get me wrong I miss my brother like crazy he was 16. But I will not believe that he didn't know what he was doing, he made his choice and I respect him for that.
will def read your post
Cheers x

 

[Epsilon0]

I am sorry for your loss, @Step40

Welcome to the forum! I know what you mean.

Before I seriously started thinking about suicide and the right to die with dignity I was strongly pro-life. My stance was not, however, the result of a rational and nuanced thought process. I simply took it granted that life was better than non-life and that suicide should be prevented at all costs.

I think most people are pro-life by default.
That is why I never blame anyone for not being pro-choice.

That being said, I cannot stand when pro-lifers push their narrow perspective on me and try to dictate how I should live or end my life.