Venting Pretty stupid

[TheEndForMe]

The first man i ever loved and cared for deeply, told me straight after having sex (my first time ever) that he has a girlfriend, and doesn't want to get into a relationship with me..

You think i stopped there? I kept chasing after him, convincing myself it was okay and that he'll love me back someday, got myself 80k in debt because he wanted to start a car business but he couldn't take the loan himself as he was still studying (the business- to no surprise there - failed)

For the last 2 years i gave him everything i can think of in hopes he would love me back, money, sex, time, love, emotional and financial support (i gave him a monthly salary from my paycheck, so he doesnt have to get a side job and can focus of his studies), and when i finally got fed up and asked for his help to pay off the debt with me since this was a shared business between us, he said and i quote "i don't know where this is coming from! Why are you suddenly obsessed with me paying you, are you off your meds again?" And called me selfish because i don't see that he is financially struggling right now, even though he just graduated and got hired immediately (he's a doctor, now in surgical residency, and doesn't have ongoing med school debts becuae he was a scholarship student)

So he basically called me crazy and selfish for asking for help, and you know what the sad part is? Sometimes i still catch myself thinking about our life together and how we would be if he actually loved me, but then i soon realize that he used me in every way possible, horrendously, and that people in general, suck

That's pretty much why i want to off myself, i mean, i wanted to since i was a teenager, but now i am 110% sure

Oh yeah, and i'll be paying off that debt well into 2029! If anyone is curious to know :) pretty stupid huh?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The first man i ever loved and cared for deeply, told me straight after having sex (my first time ever) that he has a girlfriend, and doesn't want to get into a relationship with me..

I kept chasing after him

For the last 2 years i gave him everything i can think of in hopes he would love me back, money, sex, time, love, emotional and financial support

So, you were still having sex with this man and tried to pursue him romantically despite him already having a girlfriend and making it clear to you that he doesn't want to go into a relationship with you? To be honest, I don't feel that sorry for you. Yeah, he fucking sucks but he also made it clear to you that it was never going to happen. To add insult to injury, you were doing all of this while aware of the fact that he was in a relationship...

 

[TheEndForMe]

having a girlfriend and making it clear to you that he doesn't want to go into a relationship with you? To be honest, I don't feel that sorry for you. Yeah, he fucking sucks but he also made it clear to you that it was never going to happen. To add insult to injur

We only had sex the one time, and i didn't know he had a girlfriend until after when he told me
And i didn't "pursue" him, i never asked for his love nor tried to get him to break up with her, i just wished he would love me back.. i can't control how i feel..

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

The first man i ever loved and cared for deeply, told me straight after having sex (my first time ever) that he has a girlfriend, and doesn't want to get into a relationship with me..

You think i stopped there? I kept chasing after him, convincing myself it was okay and that he'll love me back someday, got myself 80k in debt because he wanted to start a car business but he couldn't take the loan himself as he was still studying (the business- to no surprise there - failed)

For the last 2 years i gave him everything i can think of in hopes he would love me back, money, sex, time, love, emotional and financial support (i gave him a monthly salary from my paycheck, so he doesnt have to get a side job and can focus of his studies), and when i finally got fed up and asked for his help to pay off the debt with me since this was a shared business between us, he said and i quote "i don't know where this is coming from! Why are you suddenly obsessed with me paying you, are you off your meds again?" And called me selfish because i don't see that he is financially struggling right now, even though he just graduated and got hired immediately (he's a doctor, now in surgical residency, and doesn't have ongoing med school debts becuae he was a scholarship student)

So he basically called me crazy and selfish for asking for help, and you know what the sad part is? Sometimes i still catch myself thinking about our life together and how we would be if he actually loved me, but then i soon realize that he used me in every way possible, horrendously, and that people in general, suck

That's pretty much why i want to off myself, i mean, i wanted to since i was a teenager, but now i am 110% sure

Oh yeah, and i'll be paying off that debt well into 2029! If anyone is curious to know :) pretty stupid huh?

As I said to someone else on here:

People are selfish, liars, entitled, manipulative asshats. If you want to cbt because you see this and it's killing you every day; do it. If you are doing it because you think people will show up to your grave with flowers every day; don't. You will be disappointed even in the after life. IMO. Please make sure you want to ctb for more than a man.

 

[TheEndForMe]

As I said to someone else on here:

People are selfish, liars, entitled, manipulative asshats. If you want to cbt because you see this and it's killing you every day; do it. If you are doing it because you think people will show up to your grave with flowers every day; don't. You will be disappointed even in the after life. IMO. Please make sure you want to ctb for more than a man.

Yeah i know, like i said i wanted to off myself since i was a teenager for a lot of messed up shit, it was somewhat okay for a couple of years tho, but then it hit me again

its definitely not just about a man and i don't expect flowers on my grave at all, i know no one would care, and thats kinda of a relief for me tbh

i appreciate the advice :)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

We only had sex the one time, and i didn't know he had a girlfriend until after when he told me
And i didn't "pursue" him, i never asked for his love nor tried to get him to break up with her, i just wished he would love me back.. i can't control how i feel..

You literally stated that you kept chasing him because you wanted him to love you and that you gave him everything, including sex.

For the last 2 years i gave him everything i can think of in hopes he would love me back, money, sex, time, love, emotional and financial support

You think i stopped there? I kept chasing after him, convincing myself it was okay and that he'll love me back

It seems like you were trying to pursue him to me. Just because you didn't explicitly ask him shit doesn't matter. The point is that you went out of your way to try and get him to love you back despite him already being in a relationship.

You may not be able to control how you feel but you can control your actions. You went out of your way to give into those feelings despite him making it clear that he wasn't interested in having a romantic relationship with you and despite him already having a girlfriend.

 

[TheEndForMe]

You literally stated that you kept chasing him because you wanted him to love you and that you gave him everything, including sex.

Maybe i worded that wrong, after all English is not my first language. I promise i didn't have sex with him after that one time.. I'm not that kinda person

As for the rest, yes i believe i am guilty of giving him stuff and hoping he would love me back, hence the stupid part...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

As for the rest, yes i believe i am guilty of giving him stuff and hoping he would love me back, hence the stupid part...

I still have trouble feeling sorry for someone who decided to pursue some guy romantically, even if the sex part is true. He might he a scumbag but you aren't really the victim in this situation...

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

As I said to someone else on here:

People are selfish, liars, entitled, manipulative asshats. If you want to cbt because you see this and it's killing you every day; do it. If you are doing it because you think people will show up to your grave with flowers every day; don't. You will be disappointed even in the after life. IMO. Please make sure you want to ctb for more than a man.

I'm just making sure.

 

[clarencekiwi]

I still have trouble feeling sorry for someone who decided to pursue some guy romantically, even if the sex part is true. He might he a scumbag but you aren't really the victim in this situation...

wow, you suck

 

[EvisceratedJester]

wow, you suck

Yeah, I really suck for having trouble with feeling sympathy towards someone trying to pursue a guy with a gf./s

 

[Just_Another_Person]

You are a victim, not stupid. Horrible people like him predates on vulnerable one and even if he said he didn't want a relationship with you, he STILL took advantage of you. Emotionally, sexually, financial, you can name it; HE is in the wrong. I hope you can forgive yourself and ngl, probably will take time and also for you to forget about the feelings.

Yeah, I really suck for having trouble with feeling sympathy towards someone trying to pursue a guy with a gf./s

What is wrong with you? First you defend incels and now you are blaming the victim of a manipulator. If you don't have anything good to say when someone is venting just keep your mouth shut.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

What is wrong with you? First you defend incels and now you are blaming the victim of a manipulator. If you don't have anything good to say when someone is venting just keep your mouth shut.

First off, when did I defend incels? Pointing out that someone didn't "kill them" because they were just reacting to them in an aggressive and unproductive manner, treating the issue as something significantly less complex than it really is isn't defending them. It's a criticism of someone's approach to the issue.

Secondly, how are they the victim. They went out of their way to go into debt for someone in hopes of them falling in love with them, despite them making it clear that it wasn't going to happening. They stated that he said he did not want to go into a relationship with them and that he already had a girlfriend. All the things that they did were of their own volition. I can acknowledge that he's a piece of shit while also acknowledging the fact that the OP isn't a victim in all of this. They didn't have to do this. This person made it clear that they did not want to go into a relationship with them. They decided to still try and pursue him anyway.

Not every situation is as simple as "victim vs perpetrator". Sometimes, both sides suck.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

First off, when did I defend incels? Pointing out that someone didn't "kill them" because they were just reacting to them in an aggressive and unproductive manner, treating the issue as something significantly less complex than it really is isn't defending them. It's a criticism of someone's approach to the issue.

Secondly, how are they the victim. They went out of their way to go into debt for someone in hopes of them falling in love with them, despite them making it clear that it wasn't going to happening. They stated that he said he did not want to go into a relationship with them and that he already had a girlfriend. All the things that they did were of their own volition. I can acknowledge that he's a piece of shit while also acknowledging the fact that the OP isn't a victim in all of this. They didn't have to do this. This person made it clear that they did not want to go into a relationship with them. They decided to still try and pursue him anyway.

Not every situation is as simple as "victim vs perpetrator". Sometimes, both sides suck.

You literally put the "guilt" of incels being incels on society. It is 2024, society or not, people have plenty access to resources and have liberty to think their own ideals, as long it isn't hate. Men are misogynistic because of society and not their fault? I can agree with that, but incels are too far away down to just be victims.

You really don't see this is a case of manipulation? He was already manipulating OP when he didn't told first he had a gf. After that he continued to manipulate OP because he knew what buttons to push and how take advantage of it. Saying "both sides suck" is incredible insensitive and I repeat, if you aren't going to say something good on a venting thread, shut up instead of make people feel worse.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You literally put the "guilt" of incels being incels on society. It is 2024, society or not, people have plenty access to resources and have liberty to think their own ideals, as long it isn't hate. Men are misogynistic because of society and not their fault? I can agree with that, but incels are too far away down to just be victims.

You really don't see this is a case of manipulation? He was already manipulating OP when he didn't told first he had a gf. After that he continued to manipulate OP because he knew what buttons to push and how take advantage of it. Saying "both sides suck" is incredible insensitive and I repeat, if you aren't going to say something good on a venting thread, shut up instead of make people feel worse.

Not really. Saying shit like "just grow up" and telling someone that their negative assumptions of them were right isn't "murdering these incels", it's just reacting aggressively towards them. None of these points acknowledge things, like the specific societal expectations in place, that lead to incels being incels. It instead treats the issue as a completely individualistic one, rather than as, in part, a reflection of our failings as a society. I don't like incels either and I'm not going to pretend as though I haven't reacted similarly to them before, but this type of reaction isn't helpful, especially when they aren't being that misogynistic under this particular thread. Hell, I'd argue that @Dr Iron Arc is less of an incel, despite calling himself that, and is more of just a normal virgin with self-esteem issues (I view incel as being a label that applies more to a specific subset of male virgins who typically tend to be misogynistic and hostile towards others).

Hm... Talking about how "inceldom" as an ideology in part stems from our failings as a society isn't putting full "guilt" on it. I explicitly mentioned that it's part of the issue. When the society you live in constantly promises you things, such as entitlement to women's bodies, from a young age, while also putting a lot of pressure on you to live up to societal expectations by having a lot of sexual conquests and being "dominant", it will inevitably have an impact on you later in life. We live under a patriarchal system and this system moulds a lot of the views and beliefs we end up holding. Having discussions on how this impacts, not just women, but also men (especially misogynistic men) is vital in dismantling it and working towards changes that benefit all of us. You can acknowledge the disgusting and abhorrent beliefs of these men while also acknowledging the fact that none of these beliefs came from a vacuum. These views that they hold, and the resentment they feel, are partly due to the way in which our society is structured. It's almost like these issues are actually complex and not just a simple "bad man vs poor woman" type of thing.

Secondly, he didn't manipulate the OP. He didn't mention the fact that he had a gf until after they had sex, which is wrong. However, that was before the OP did all of the shit she did. She was aware of the fact that he had a gf and that he wasn't interested in her and she still went out of her way to try and pursue him, going into debt for a man who explicitly told her he didn't want to go I to a relationship with her. The OP isn't a child. She's old enough to know better.

 

[Nikitatos]

Since I was a kid, I always believe that self-centered, emotionless, soulless, self centered a-holes are more likely to succeed in this world. Being kind and caring is a burden.

If you don't give a sht about anyone, life must be easy.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Hm... Talking about how "inceldom" as an ideology in part stems from our failings as a society isn't putting full "guilt" on it. I explicitly mentioned that it's part of the issue. When the society you live in constantly promises you things, such as entitlement to women's bodies, from a young age, while also putting a lot of pressure on you to live up to societal expectations by having a lot of sexual conquests and being "dominant", it will inevitably have an impact on you later in life. We live under a patriarchal system and this system moulds a lot of the views and beliefs we end up holding. Having discussions on how this impacts, not just women, but also men (especially misogynistic men) is vital in dismantling it and working towards changes that benefit all of us. You can acknowledge the disgusting and abhorrent beliefs of these men while also acknowledging the fact that none of these beliefs came from a vacuum. These views that they hold, and the resentment they feel, are partly due to the way in which our society is structured. It's almost like these issues are actually complex and not just a simple "bad man vs poor woman" type of thing.

Secondly, he didn't manipulate the OP. He didn't mention the fact that he had a gf until after they had sex, which is wrong. However, that was before the OP did all of the shit she did. She was aware of the fact that he had a gf and that he wasn't interested in her and she still went out of her way to try and pursue him, going into debt for a man who explicitly told her he didn't want to go I to a relationship with her. The OP isn't a child. She's old enough to know better.

It is highly improbable (but not impossible knowing them) they would call their own mothers "deposit of cum", share their mother nudes online for everyone to see and comment "how filthy" she are, organize mass harassment and the list goes on; but they do this to women. As I said, men being misogynistic is not completely their fault, it is of the society we live in, and as you said yourself, a patriarchal one. But that doesn't give them the right to be hyper misogynistic and blame women for their own ineptitude or lack of trying (incels must think staying 24hs on PC in incels forums gonna make a "super hot gf" fall down from the sky on their lap). Again, men being somewhat misogynistic is a the result of failure(s) in society, being an incel and hating women is a choice they own make and shouldn't be accepted or even minimized.

Do you know how emotional manipulation work? That is what happened. No age is safe, these people will se someone they can take advantage off and will do it. OP is a victim. And even if you think it is OP's fault, it is their venting topic, you shouldn't be rude to them. Just go to another thread and ignore it, tet them have at least some peace.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It is highly improbable (but not impossible knowing them) they wouldn't call their own mothers "deposit of cum", share their mother nudes online for everyone to see and comment "how filthy" she are, organize mass harassment and the list goes on; but they do this to women. As I said, men being misogynistic is not completely their fault, it is of the society we live in, and as you said yourself, a patriarchal one. But that doesn't give them the right to be hyper misogynistic and blame women for their own ineptitude or lack of trying (incels must think staying 24hs on PC in incels forums gonna make a "super hot gf" fall down from the sky on their lap). Again, men being somewhat misogynistic is a the result of failure(s) in society, being an incel and hating women is a choice they own make and shouldn't be accepted or even minimized.

Do you know how emotional manipulation work? That is what happened. No age is safe, these people will se someone they can take advantage off and will do it. OP is a victim. And even if you think it is OP's fault, it is their venting topic, you shouldn't be rude to them. Just go to another thread and ignore it, tet them have at least some peace.

How is that proof that it would be highly improbable to assume that certain aspects of how our society is structured would have an impact on them and their views? Even going by your logic, someone being even "somewhat" misogynistic can grow overtime into them being full out misogynistic. The seeds would have to have been planted somewhere. Also, when did I say that they had the right to be misogynistic and blame women, or that being an incel should be accepted?

How exactly was the OP being manipulated if the dude made it clear to her, before she went ahead and did all of this shit, that he had a girlfriend and wasn't interested in her? Based on the post, she is at fault. He didn't lie to her about being in love with her and she doesn't mention any blackmailing, threatening, lovebombing, etc. The only thing that is mentioned that could potentially be considered manipulation is his reaction to her asking for some financial help with paying off her debt, which could be argued to be a case of gaslighting. Besides that, she has admitted to explicitly doing all of this in hopes of him loving her back despite him having told her prior that he has a gf and was not interested in being in a relationship with her. He may be a piece of shit, but, at least based on the on her post, she was doing this of her own volition.

 

[TheEndForMe]

Everyone it's okay please stop fighting..... it's okay I'm not mad of anyone I'm past that shit i promise.. I've come to terms with what happened and i acknowledge I AM indeed a shitty person, i just wanted to tell my story here before i leave becuae I can't tell it to anyone irl, not have people fighting about who's right or wrong

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Everyone it's okay please stop fighting..... it's okay I'm not mad of anyone I'm past that shit i promise.. I've come to terms with what happened and i acknowledge I AM indeed a shitty person, i just wanted to tell my story here before i leave becuae I can't tell it to anyone irl, not have people fighting about who's right or wrong

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel sad/upset. Please forgive me.

And you aren't a shitty person...

 

[TheEndForMe]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel sad/upset. Please forgive me.

And you aren't a shitty person...

Definitely no need for apologies! You are so sweet, i hope you find peace wherever you are

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Definitely no need for apologies! You are so sweet, i hope you find peace wherever you are

I'm at home /bad joke

But seriously, thank you. I also hope you find peace wherever you are

 

[Reflection]

I still have trouble feeling sorry for someone who decided to pursue some guy romantically, even if the sex part is true. He might he a scumbag but you aren't really the victim in this situation...

So, he cheated on his girlfriend with her (she didnt even know he had one), used her emotionally, physically and financially...and somehow she's in the wrong here because she loved him?

 

[Neowise]

Man, I'm so sorry to hear your story OP. I don't think you are fully a victim, and I don't think you are fully guilty. And I don't think you are "pretty stupid" either. You know what was pretty stupid? My lazy ass thinking "hey, there's gotta be an easier way to cut an onion into small pieces" and then proceed to rub it aganst a grate... Let's say I was lucky to keep my eye sight

I rather think you were pretty naive, and that's ok. Your feelings were blinding your brain and you believed in things that were obviously not going to work out. We all do things we regret afterwards because our emotions take control from time to time. I lost my virginity to some random party guest after I took Ecstasy, but I don't care. I traded my virginity for a whole lot of new experiences, opinions and character development so I'm fine with it. You made pretty negative experiences, but you will learn a LOT from it and your character can only grow. For example to never simp for a man again