Venting Pretending to be a normie to my family is so difficult

[ijustwishtodie]

I hate it. I was okay with rotting in bed and doing absolutely nothing but my family aren't okay with this at all. They want me to be productive and to get a job as well as to stop me from rotting in my room all the time. They don't like seeing me in this way and they want me to "do something with [my] life". My family asked me "what do you want to do in life" and I stayed silent. I want to say to them that I don't want a life at all and that I never wanted a life to begin with but obviously I can't say that to them as they just wouldn't understand. Pretending to be somebody who I'm not is incredibly difficult. I wish I could just say the truth to them and that they'd understand me instantly but they won't. They'll see me as a lunatic when, in actuality, I know that I'm rational in my views.

It's things like this which make me want to stop fantasising about my death and to start in actually obtaining my death as early as possible. I'm not compatible for life and I never wanted to be a human in the first place. Dealing with life is exhausting. Pretending that I want a life is even more exhausting. If only they could understand me, I could tell them the truth. But normies can't comprehend somebody who doesn't want life because, in their view, everybody wants life.

The only people who can actually understand me are on this site which is why I'm venting about it here instead. I'm so frustrated at pretending to be a normie. I'm so frustrated at life itself. I'm so frustrated that I still am alive. I'm just... so frustrated overall

 

[RemainingDubious]

I want to say to them that I don't want a life at all and that I never wanted a life to begin with but obviously I can't say that to them as they just wouldn't understand. Pretending to be somebody who I'm not is incredibly difficult.

Why not just say it how it is?

they'd understand me instantly but they won't.

They don't need to understand. You feel how you feel and you are who you are regardless of what anybody thinks, like you said: "Pretending to be somebody who I'm not is incredibly difficult." so maybe embrace being you. If people don't like it that's entirely on them.

I'm not compatible for life and I never wanted to be a human in the first place. Dealing with life is exhausting.

You never wanted to be a human in the first place. So why continue to exhaust yourself pretending to be what your not to appease others. It isn't your responsibility to ensure they understand and like you.

It's impossible for others to like or dislike you when you're not even able to be you around them in the first place.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Why not just say it how it is?

Firstly, they wouldn't understand. Secondly, they'd just make me be more productive and I don't want that. Thirdly, I don't want to be more exhausted by dealing with their reaction. They just can't understand and they never will.

They don't need to understand. You feel how you feel and you are who you are regardless of what anybody thinks, like you said: "Pretending to be somebody who I'm not is incredibly difficult." so maybe embrace being you. If people don't like it that's entirely on them.

It isn't about embracing myself. I'm okay with being myself. What I'm not okay is being forced to be productive and to deal with life. No amount of me embracing myself will change that I'm either forced to be productive or to ctb (and, as already mentioned, I've already embraced myself... I just wish that they embraced me instead)

You never wanted to be a human in the first place. So why continue to exhaust yourself pretending to be what your not to appease others. It isn't your responsibility to ensure they understand and like you.

It's impossible for others to like or dislike you when you're not even able to be you around them in the first place.

Because I'm forced to exhaust myself. It's what life demands. I either have to be productive or I have to ctb but right now I'm too scared to do the latter. I'm forced to survive when I never wanted to survive in the first place

 

[vadim]

I feel exactly the same way. I'm not cut out for life and its demands and it's so exhausting having to pretend I don't feel that way because it's uncceptable to people. They won't accept that the problem for some people like me isn't fixable. They say they want to understand but then won't believe what you tell them if they find it too depressing, they don't want to hear "I'm not built to live in this world" even if it's your truth. They say they want to help but then expect you to improve and get over it at some point. If you don't, they'll blame you for your situation and say you simply aren't trying hard enough. But I can't find it in me to try any harder.

 

[LifeIsBS]

I hate it. I was okay with rotting in bed and doing absolutely nothing but my family aren't okay with this at all. They want me to be productive and to get a job as well as to stop me from rotting in my room all the time. They don't like seeing me in this way and they want me to "do something with [my] life". My family asked me "what do you want to do in life" and I stayed silent. I want to say to them that I don't want a life at all and that I never wanted a life to begin with but obviously I can't say that to them as they just wouldn't understand. Pretending to be somebody who I'm not is incredibly difficult. I wish I could just say the truth to them and that they'd understand me instantly but they won't. They'll see me as a lunatic when, in actuality, I know that I'm rational in my views.

It's things like this which make me want to stop fantasising about my death and to start in actually obtaining my death as early as possible. I'm not compatible for life and I never wanted to be a human in the first place. Dealing with life is exhausting. Pretending that I want a life is even more exhausting. If only they could understand me, I could tell them the truth. But normies can't comprehend somebody who doesn't want life because, in their view, everybody wants life.

The only people who can actually understand me are on this site which is why I'm venting about it here instead. I'm so frustrated at pretending to be a normie. I'm so frustrated at life itself. I'm so frustrated that I still am alive. I'm just... so frustrated overall

bro, i can't tell you just how much you've described my life word for word. but I've stopped pretending now, idc anymore and just bed rot everyday untill i eventually ctb.

 

[RemainingDubious]

i think you misunderstood what i was saying

Firstly, they wouldn't understand.

Like i said:

They don't need to understand. You feel how you feel.

It doesn't matter who understands you and who doesn't understand you, how you feel will remain the same.

I'm not okay is being forced to be productive and to deal with life.

Nobody can force you. If you truly believe they can, force them to understand you instead, then what you believe to be the problem is solved. You'll no longer be exhausted and have to pretend.
Being "productive" is subjective too.