Preparing myself

[Lost Magic]

I bought a bag of Bitter melon tea powder. I'm going to add 10% vodka to it and do some taste tests as a sub for N. I will first drink it straight out of an airtight bottle and then I will start putting Orajel on my tongue and gums. I'll even pop a few miracle berries to see if it reduces the bitter taste further. I am really getting into the mindset of leaving now and I think these phycological tests will help me prepare for when it is finally time to end it all. I want that coveted bus ticket either towards the end of this year or the beginning of next. Wish me luck!

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy those who have N as they can just peacefully exit this world for when the time is right for them, that does sound like the best suicide method and I believe that only those who are lucky die a peaceful death. It must be a relief having the N, and I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Lost Magic]

I envy those who have N as they can just peacefully exit this world for when the time is right for them, that does sound like the best suicide method and I believe that only those who are lucky die a peaceful death. It must be a relief having the N, and I wish you the best with your plans.

Thankyou FuneralCry. I have always enjoyed your kind posts to both myself and others on here. I am just really tired and feel ever so much lonelier now. If I stay around too much longer I will just become more bitter and cynical about everything. To me, life is just one tiresome shit show. It doesn't help that the people around me are just vile not to mention couldn't care less. I have lived at least 10 to 15 years too long. I'll know when it is time. I just need to buy that bus ticket to go bye-bye. Hopefully, this will be my last Christmas. I just need to suppress my Survival Instinct and tell it to stfu and let me go lol. Anyway, thanks folks! I'll mostly be posting stuff just to get things out of my system before I muster up the courage. Limbo is a strange spot to be in, but I'll get through it.

 

[Lost Magic]

I just tried some bitter melon (without the alcohol) after rubbing orajel on my tongue. It actually wasn't too bad at all. I'll add more bitter melon with the alcohol the next time just to be sure. Tbh, I am used to drinking bitter drinks anyway. I drink kratom tea with lemon daily. I think I should be okay with N. I'm actually looking forward to it.