Venting Preparing for SN (Venting and Method)

[killmekillu3]

Thinking about SN


So I'm a 19 year old male who lives in Hungary, I failed my last attempt 3 weeks ago. I took 300 pills (150 pills of Tildin, the stronger one, 800mg Ibuflam (painkillers) 100, sleeping pills and other painkillers. I've been in the psychward for 2 weeks, I got out last week.

I have had suicidal thoughts since my childhood. So it isn't new, but I loved life. 2022 was my graduation from gymnasium and this year I was supposed to go to university( I got a scholarship, but had to pause due to physical and mental health. I was in a relationship till my attempt, but the relationship was going downhill, because of my family background. I hate both my father and mother for ruining my life. They divorced when I was 1 years old. at the age of 7 My mother took me to Germany where I did the first grade, learned German, but my mother took me back home, since I was diagnosed with ADHD and they wanted to perscribe me pills for it or make me go to a special school, which my mother didn't want. So we went back to live with my grandparents, which was a nice time in my life, but there was constant arguing, shouting, always stress. At the age of 12 my grandfather died, who was my father figure, my dad spent less time with my than my ex gf.

Anyway after the death of my grandfather I sunk more into the computer, since my grandparents just me in front of the computer, never really motivated me to go out and make friends, or maybe I'm wrong and was a spast who just couldn't make friends, anyway.. I got into high school 9th grade - covid hit, no socializing still sitting home at the computer 24/7. 11th grade hit - covid was over. Started to socialize was making memes on tiktok and stuff, got into sports and gym, but it was futile I have joint hypermobility, I have an ACL tear in my right knee untreated for 3 years, thanks to my lovely mother a cyst in my shoulder a loose shoulder blade and a dislocated kneecap in my left, on top of that ringing ears. But at least I wasn't fat anymore. 12th grade got a girlfriend, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, she was writing me love letters about imagining a future together, I was finally happy that I met her and maybe I could break out of the loop of stress, hate, family conflicts, a father who doesn't care about me and just spends his time chasing women and alcohol, he brags about being a hard-worker when he bought his high school diploma... My mother on the other hand just thought shouting at me and blaming me for everything will help me, because I have ADHD(OMG HE HAS TO BE SHOUTED AT!!!). So the reason my relationship went to shit is of my mother, when the parents of my girlfriend came down to visit us she immediately started rambling about her little brother who has ADHD and dyslexia(she told them it doesn't exist and it's just an excuse for the kid not to try) told her parents how to raise their son !!! HAHA. Then they immediately got the bad impression off her and only came down for my graduation because I invited them, but that was a disaster as well, shouting in the car while we were in the backseat with my ex. Then in the summer my girlfriend got fungal infection and I stupidly asked my mother if I should go to the doctor, so we don't keep giving it to each other, I was dumb.... My girlfriend got mad then barely came. She would have stayed with me maybe we could have been something more if my family background wasn't trash or my physical health wasn't every ligament in my body popping when I make a move.

Now here I am writing this on the sofa at my paternal grandmother, where they found me and brought me to the ER. Like I said above I took 300 pills and drank alcohol, unfortunately my grandmother came home 2 days early, they found me I wasn't breathing on my own anymore ( almost succeeded ), but regardless I was in a coma for 2 days I did it 2 on November 23rd or 28th? It was a Wednesday, my final push was my girlfriend not coming over and I realized that the relationship was going to go nowhere anyway, she was already eating breakfast with her EX and his friend group, probably already messaging other guys, while I'm writing this, but why would I care, she told me in my place she would kill herself, when I was already suicidal, but no one ever took me seriously, family, ex-gf friends, no one even wanted to hear me out or ask how I'm feeling, only looked at me and told themselves what a depressed loser, her family told her that she would be better off without me. She told me that I should go to a psychiatrist with my problems and not talk to her about them, but when she was depressed I was always there for her, never for a moment did I think I didn't matter at all like this. When I woke up from coma all I could see that my ex never even cared at all, she was trying dress for her prom ignored calls, didn't even type or call me NEVER EVEN ONCE VISITED ME in the hospital or the 2 weeks I spent in the psych ward, I "broke up" with her, because I knew her intention was just to break up with me after she finished her exams, because she won't be with someone because of pity and she can't be with me when I tried to throw everything away..... Like wasn't it because you didn't care about me either? No one cared about me at my lowest? And now the weeks passed and everyone forgot and I should just move one like I didn't want it to succeed, had to pretend the entire psych ward stay that I'm happy as fuck and motivated to continue my life. My mother is desperate, now she's listening to me, everyone is calling me selfish for attempting and if I attempt I'm a selfish bastard, but I'm going to.

I ordered yesterday from a chemist shop 500g of SN, I have beta blockers, but no access to any meto, only antidepressant and anti anxiety pills, will get painkillers and just fall asleep in my room this week I think.
Would have been a nice life If not for the circumstances and all of this, but I never feared death and I am still fully serious about it even though my mother is looking at me looking at suicide videos of families, how they feel. I don't know... I feel like an asshole for planning it again, but I want to be freed from this existence and maybe try in another life.

Tomorrow or the next day I'm just going to walk into the chemist shop and get the SN I ordered, Should I do the blood test?
Will saying that I want it to marinate meat be good or will they look at me dumb?
I don't know if I should write another suicide note, the other one is at the police station


I'm planning to wait for my family members to fall asleep, put 25g of SN into a glass with water take antiacid, painkillers and some conventional anti nauseua medication, don't have access to stuff like meto (perscription). My mother follows me almost everywhere.

Will 40 minutes be enough?

I'm curious whether or not it is really that easy to get SN as me walking into the chemist shop and just buying it without a word and no one notices lol. At least Hungary is nice in this aspect if in nothing else.
Had to vent, sorry..

 

[dinosavr]

First of all, I am really sorry for what you've been through. You're really strong!
If I were you and they asked me why I was buying SN, I would say my friend asked me to do it, he's a chemistry student and that he needs some for the studies, blah blah blah. This way will protect you from having to go into details (not only because the details don't exist lol).
Also, I am not 100% sure but I believe the SN used for the meat is different, not as pure as SN that they sell in chemical shops. It's not for sure but I think you should reconsider lying about the meat, it might be risky.
Either way, I hope it goes well and you will not have any problems!!

 

[killmekillu3]

First of all, I am really sorry for what you've been through. You're really strong!
If I were you and they asked me why I was buying SN, I would say my friend asked me to do it, he's a chemistry student and that he needs some for the studies, blah blah blah. This way will protect you from having to go into details (not only because the details don't exist lol).
Also, I am not 100% sure but I believe the SN used for the meat is different, not as pure as SN that they sell in chemical shops. It's not for sure but I think you should reconsider lying about the meat, it might be risky.
Either way, I hope it goes well and you will not have any problems!!

Thank you! Yeah I was thinking about that, that my father or friend sent me to buy it for them or something like that and they need it at home and they do chemistry ...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should follow a SN protocol incl fasting as best as u can to reduce chances of vomiting. Dying after SN ingestion is a long process, unconsciousness occurs after 15-20 minutes in most cases the actual dying process probably takes longer. 40 minutes may not be enough if someone can find you. You should plan several hours to be on the safe side.

 

[killmekillu3]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should follow a SN protocol incl fasting as best as u can to reduce chances of vomiting. Dying after SN ingestion is a long process, unconsciousness occurs after 15-20 minutes in most cases the actual dying process probably takes longer. 40 minutes may not be enough if someone can find you. You should plan several hours to be on the safe side.

I'm thinking about doing it at night, when the family is asleep. I sleep till like 11-12 it's not unusual, I will lock the door and probably after some time it will be suspicious I didn't come out but 12-14 hours should be enough I hope.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm thinking about doing it at night, when the family is asleep. I sleep till like 11-12 it's not unusual, I will lock the door and probably after some time it will be suspicious I didn't come out but 12-14 hours should be enough I hope.

it's more like possible noises when you vomit for example or gasping for air can also make noises. There have been reports that people were rescued bc others in their flats/houses heard noises. And you said you can't get AEs which is an additional risk to vomit.

Well anyway it's up 2 u. just saying what comes to my mind and what I would try to prevent as best as possible to be successful.

 

[killmekillu3]

it's more like possible noises when you vomit for example or gasping for air can also make noises. There have been reports that people were rescued bc others in their flats/houses heard noises. And you said you can't get AEs which is an additional risk to vomit.

Well anyway it's up 2 u. just saying what comes to my mind and what I would try to prevent as best as possible to be successful.

Well I don't know what I should do then, maybe walk out of the house while everyone is asleep and walk as far away from people I can and do it in a secluded area or just put on some music in the background to dampen the noises?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Well I don't know what I should do then, maybe walk out of the house while everyone is asleep and walk as far away from people I can and do it in a secluded area or just put on some music in the background to dampen the noises?

The key is not to be found too early. Nobody here can tell you how long the actual process takes until you cannot be rescued anymore, too many individual factors have to be taken into account here.

 

[Goku Black]

I'm planning to wait for my family members to fall asleep, put 25g of SN into a glass with water take antiacid, painkillers and some conventional anti nauseua medication, don't have access to stuff like meto (perscription). My mother follows me almost everywhere.

Will 40 minutes be enough?

Is this the only setting where you can take SN? If there are no alternatives available then I don't know how I'd advise you go about doing this because whatever you do may cause some attention to be drawn to your room that late at night even when everyone's asleep. Make no mistake that there have been people who've taken sn at home or in their car since according to stats, people are more likely to ctb in such places than anywhere else for sentimental and safety reasons.

Tomorrow or the next day I'm just going to walk into the chemist shop and get the SN I ordered, Should I do the blood test?

Testing with blood test is the bare minimum you have to do with this.

just put on some music in the background to dampen the noises?

If there is no other option then I guess this could work but it's still a risk either way.

 

[killmekillu3]

Is this the only setting where you can take SN? If there are no alternatives available then I don't know how I'd advise you go about doing this because whatever you do may cause some attention to be drawn to your room that late at night even when everyone's asleep. Make no mistake that there have been people who've taken sn at home or in their car since according to stats, people are more likely to ctb in such places than anywhere else for sentimental and safety reasons.

Well most likely yeah.. no other alternative really only really me walking out of the house and going into a secluded area (forest or something like that..). But I want to do it in my room I think, I don't really think I will make a lot of noise and my parents don't really pay attention that much.

Testing with blood test is the bare minimum you have to do with this.

What if it's 90%+ pure on the bottle I'm buying it from a chem shop so they can't scam me I think.

If there is no other option then I guess this could work but it's still a risk either way.

Yeah well, if it doesn't work, I don't know what I will do but my body is weak and I'm pretty sure I won't last long, at least I hope, but even if I do, I do not think the Ambulance will arrive on time, I live in a small village 2k people and it will be late at night my parents probably won't come and just think I'm having a bad dream and making noise. But honestly I'm unsure myself of what to do.

Maybe I could increase the dosage to all the 500g? I will vomit, but it has to be lethal pretty quick, right? Or is that stupid?

 

[Goku Black]

What if it's 90%+ pure on the bottle I'm buying it from a chem shop so they can't scam me I think.

You need substantially more than that at 95+% in purity to be as pure as needed to ctb.

Well most likely yeah.. no other alternative really only really me walking out of the house and going into a secluded area (forest or something like that..). But I want to do it in my room I think, I don't really think I will make a lot of noise and my parents don't really pay attention that much.

At the end of it, do what you can to make sure you won't get caught and also be aware that once you drink SN, there may be no going back because as you said, you live a small village which probably means the closest help you'll get is quite a distance away and that's if they have enough Methelyne blue in stock to help you or any at all to begin with.

Yeah well, if it doesn't work, I don't know what I will do but my body is weak and I'm pretty sure I won't last long, at least I hope, but even if I do, I do not think the Ambulance will arrive on time, I live in a small village 2k people and it will be late at night my parents probably won't come and just think I'm having a bad dream and making noise. But honestly I'm unsure myself of what to do.

If your body is already significantly compromised especially to do with your cardiovascular system or any pre-existing issues that affect the flow of blood and oxygen throughout the body then you do have a significant chance to ctb over someone who doesn't have such issues. I'd also suggest to use all the meds you can to make this easier on yourself.

 

[killmekillu3]

You need substantially more than that at 95+% in purity to be as pure as needed to ctb.

Well I hope I get that kind of purity from a chemist shop, probably will I'm buying which is really pure as far as I can see, the shop doesn't specify the purity, but if it isn't pure will increasing the dosage help or no?

At the end of it, do what you can to make sure you won't get caught and also be aware that once you drink SN, there may be no going back because as you said, you live a small village which probably means the closest help you'll get is quite a distance away and that's if they have enough Methelyne blue in stock to help you or any at all to begin with.

Yeah I'm pretty sure even if my parents found me after I did it, which will be late at night IF, but realistically in the morning I'm already gone.

If your body is already significantly compromised especially to do with your cardiovascular system or any pre-existing issues that affect the flow of blood and oxygen throughout the body then you do have a significant chance to ctb over someone who doesn't have such issues. I'd also suggest to use all the meds you can to make this easier on yourself.

I lost 10kg from the ICU, I was there for 5 days and psych ward, heavy smoker, and have high colesterol levels (I don't know if that matters, but that's what I got on my release papers from the ICU.) I'm barely eating or drinking, I'm probably going to start fasting a day before and stop drinking for 4 hours then do it.

 

[Goku Black]

I lost 10kg from the ICU, I was there for 5 days and psych ward, heavy smoker, and have high colesterol levels (I don't know if that matters, but that's what I got on my release papers from the ICU.) I'm barely eating or drinking, I'm probably going to start fasting a day before and stop drinking for 4 hours then do it.

Hmm, well considering you are a heavy smoker then it's likely you are already compromised to some degree from a cardiovascular standpoint. A full day's fasting is fine considering you need as much as possible to be out of your system in order to get it down.

Yeah I'm pretty sure even if my parents found me after I did it, which will be late at night IF, but realistically in the morning I'm already gone.

I just hope you'll be careful in all of this because if in the event your parents to find you, it's going to be quite a lot for them to deal with, not knowing what you took especially if you don't keep the bottle of sn in plain sight alluding to what you took.

Well I hope I get that kind of purity from a chemist shop, probably will I'm buying
which is really pure as far as I can see, the shop doesn't specify the purity, but if it isn't pure will increasing the dosage help or no?

That really depends on the purity because taking more may compensate due to the lack of a higher purity but it'll come at the cost of having a much higher chance of vomiting it out. It has to be at least 97% in purity.

 

[killmekillu3]

Hmm, well considering you are a heavy smoker then it's likely you are already compromised to some degree from a cardiovascular standpoint. A full day's fasting is fine considering you need as much as possible to be out of your system in order to get it down.

Well I used to be active and smoked on and off but the past three weeks I started chain smoking. Yeah I will just cleanse my system.

I just hope you'll be careful in all of this because if in the event your parents to find you, it's going to be quite a lot for them to deal with, not knowing what you took especially if you don't keep the bottle of sn in plain sight alluding to what you took.

Well I don't care about anyone anymore, I do in some degree, but it was my decision and they drove me to do it, my life is ruined and I do not want to keep struggling to fix my joints with 4 surgeries this year alone and rehab, the entire year will be gone and I live in a village secluded from any form of social contact and in the meanwhile I can see my ex-gf who told me she would kill herself in my place with all my problems instead of listening to me and telling me it will be okay after I spent atleast a 1000 euro worth on her and got an album and love letters which she said were not true anymore, I can't bare the thought that her family and she do not give a single fuck about me all my close relatives tell me to man up and it will be okay and I know people have it worse, but it doesn't make me feel better. I don't like living anywhere, but I'm reliant because my joints are so fucked it hurts to do anything pretty much because they're strained, untreated injuries over the years which just get worse and worse.

I only really care about my mother but she will have to accept my decision, I've openly told her that it would've been better if I died or never did it at all, me failing was the worst outcome of all. Now I have to do it again, because there is absolutely no coming back from this.

I just don't know if I want to tell my ex-gf that she was the person that made me the happiest during my life and me finding out that she didn't love me anymore and I was dragging her down along with all my other problems was the final straw and I felt like I was just a burden that I needed to get rid of. Well she really easily moved on from me after my attempt immidiately broke up with me after it. No calls no texts, not from her family, eventhough I know every single relative, friend of hers. No one cared. Only my mother after she was turbo abusive to me and I had to move to my grandmother, because my mother refused me going through knee surgery and my girlfriend did not want to come to our place, so I moved, but my GF still didn't came, So after all my mother wasn't the problem, but that she wasn't in love with me anymore and didn't care. Well I don't know I might just do it on impulse, eventhough I have been planning for months, with my last pill attempt it was supposed to be 3 days alone and die due to lack of oxygen from the opiate Tilidin 100+ pills, but 12 hours wasn't enough, maybe five minutes more and I wouldn't be here and looking at this community who all understand the pain of the other in some kind of way which is nice, but I just want to finish the job I begun the consequences will come to those who abandoned me like a rabid dog. My ex can go talk to her little ex boyfriend in the same dormitory. We had so many intimate moments, nudes( even though sextortion is a thing, I was deathly afraid she would do it or show it to her friends, but I don't care and I will wipe my phone before I do it, but I just don't understand how a person can go from writing love letters where you are in their future and introduce you to their family within a week of being together and doing sexual acts which are insane, next to her fucking roomate in public and then not care about me when I almost killed myself? And my mother just tries to explain to me that my girlfriend was a narcicistic psychopath and blah blah blah everything has to be explained, but why couldn't everyone be atleast be a little bit kind before I attempted, now only because of pity my father and mother change, want to buy a house for me and I would inherit 400M Forint like a million euro, but money doesn't fucking excite me I wanted to be loved for who I am and accepted, but no one fucking cares about me and no one will, it will only be because of money, no more pure fucking feelings in this generation.

That really depends on the purity because taking more may compensate due to the lack of a higher purity but it'll come at the cost of having a much higher chance of vomiting it out. It has to be at least 97% in purity.

Well if I vomit I just drink more and have a little bucket ready and vomit quietly. I've told my mother about my stomach problems and I will hide the SN, so it will be downplayed as me just being sick and falling asleep, if the ambulance arrives it will be too late, the doctors in the ER barely found out what I took because it was a german medicine, they only did, because I was careless and didn't hide it and the looked in the trashcan.

 

[Goku Black]

Well I don't care about anyone anymore, I do in some degree, but it was my decision and they drove me to do it, my life is ruined and I do not want to keep struggling to fix my joints with 4 surgeries this year alone and rehab, the entire year will be gone and I live in a village secluded from any form of social contact and in the meanwhile I can see my ex-gf who told me she would kill herself in my place with all my problems instead of listening to me and telling me it will be okay after I spent atleast a 1000 euro worth on her and got an album and love letters which she said were not true anymore, I can't bare the thought that her family and she do not give a single fuck about me all my close relatives tell me to man up and it will be okay and I know people have it worse, but it doesn't make me feel better. I don't like living anywhere, but I'm reliant because my joints are so fucked it hurts to do anything pretty much because they're strained, untreated injuries over the years which just get worse and worse.

I only really care about my mother but she will have to accept my decision, I've openly told her that it would've been better if I died or never did it at all, me failing was the worst outcome of all. Now I have to do it again, because there is absolutely no coming back from this.

I just don't know if I want to tell my ex-gf that she was the person that made me the happiest during my life and me finding out that she didn't love me anymore and I was dragging her down along with all my other problems was the final straw and I felt like I was just a burden that I needed to get rid of. Well she really easily moved on from me after my attempt immidiately broke up with me after it. No calls no texts, not from her family, eventhough I know every single relative, friend of hers. No one cared. Only my mother after she was turbo abusive to me and I had to move to my grandmother, because my mother refused me going through knee surgery and my girlfriend did not want to come to our place, so I moved, but my GF still didn't came, So after all my mother wasn't the problem, but that she wasn't in love with me anymore and didn't care. Well I don't know I might just do it on impulse, eventhough I have been planning for months, with my last pill attempt it was supposed to be 3 days alone and die due to lack of oxygen from the opiate Tilidin 100+ pills, but 12 hours wasn't enough, maybe five minutes more and I wouldn't be here and looking at this community who all understand the pain of the other in some kind of way which is nice, but I just want to finish the job I begun the consequences will come to those who abandoned me like a rabid dog. My ex can go talk to her little ex boyfriend in the same dormitory. We had so many intimate moments, nudes( even though sextortion is a thing, I was deathly afraid she would do it or show it to her friends, but I don't care and I will wipe my phone before I do it, but I just don't understand how a person can go from writing love letters where you are in their future and introduce you to their family within a week of being together and doing sexual acts which are insane, next to her fucking roomate in public and then not care about me when I almost killed myself? And my mother just tries to explain to me that my girlfriend was a narcicistic psychopath and blah blah blah everything has to be explained, but why couldn't everyone be atleast be a little bit kind before I attempted, now only because of pity my father and mother change, want to buy a house for me and I would inherit 400M Forint like a million euro, but money doesn't fucking excite me I wanted to be loved for who I am and accepted, but no one fucking cares about me and no one will, it will only be because of money, no more pure fucking feelings in this generation.

I simply have no words other than I'm truly sorry for all that has happened to you, for this to even happen, to plan to take your life is something really disheartening. I'm also sorry in particular for how everyone in your life treated you because there was no reason at all to go out of their to hurt you like they have. It's ridiculous how people have been apathetic to you and your feelings as well, being so cold after your attempt. To have done so much for the person you cared a great deal about and to have it thrown back in your face truly isn't something anyone should go through.

I've told my mother about my stomach problems and I will hide the SN, so it will be downplayed as me just being sick and falling asleep, if the ambulance arrives it will be too late, the doctors in the ER barely found out what I took because it was a german medicine, they only did, because I was careless and didn't hide it and the looked in the trashcan.

Fair enough, it seems that you've already thought some steps through.

 

[killmekillu3]

I simply have no words other than I'm truly sorry for all that has happened to you, for this to even happen, to plan to take your life is something really disheartening. I'm also sorry in particular for how everyone in your life treated you because there was no reason at all to go out of their to hurt you like they have. It's ridiculous how people have been apathetic to you and your feelings as well, being so cold after your attempt. To have done so much for the person you cared a great deal about and to have it thrown back in your face truly isn't something anyone should go through.

Fair enough, it seems that you've already thought some steps through

Thank you for the kinds words.
I think if someone genuinely loves the other they would go do everything in their power to make them happy, I went after my own family, abandoned my own plans and what I have gotten in return is a cold shoulder even after my attempt. I have 3 friends and my best friend who almost cried seeing me, but they will all get over it, they are strong and stable, but I can't endure anymore hardship and my physical and mental health are bound together and both are deteriorating at the same time and I'm not going to fix what's broken, I tried that with everything, but I can't be fixed anymore I think even if I have all the money in this world it won't change a thing I think. I was lied to at the ER as well, they said I wouldn't be sent to a psych ward and still was sent. I met many nice people there even made friends which is insane.. I could make friends with complete strangers because of shared shitty life in a psych fucking ward and not in the outside world. And I have a full scholarship with all the academic achievements one can achieve in the gymnasium I went to, but it still isn't enough and I'm not feeling better. I would rather be unintelligent and happy than know too many things before hand and know all the possibilities, the only one I didn't know was the one that I would be found and the one I didn't want to accept is that you can not change another person, only the person can change themselves for you IF IF IFIFIFIFIFIF they want, alas that never happens. Legit being a bee would be a happy life they provide for the bee hive live for 3-4 weeks and help the world, but yeah being in this world is cruel even if many others went through hardship, how can they tell me that I should just get over all of it? Maybe I am overemotional for a guy, but is it that bad? That I was honest with everyone in my life pretty much and still got nothing in return for it? Yeah I just want my SN method to work. I'm legit sitting on the same couch right now where I attempted. next to my grandmother writing this who is laughing on the phone not a single care in the world, because everyone only cares about themselves. I was deemed aggressive, because I was hurt and said that I was hurt and still had to apologize and was jealous because my ex ate with her ex and friend and of course I would be jealous if we had all of these memories together, BUT THE DON'T FUCKING MATTER SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME SHE LOVED THE FUCKING THOUGHT OV BEING LOVED BY SOMEONE THIS MUCH OR IDK BECAUSE THEN SHE WOULD HAVE FUCKING CARED ABOUT MY FEELINGS BUT OF COURSE THOSE DONT MATTER WHEN YOURE A GUY. HER DUMB MOTHER SAID IN A CONVERSATION A WHILE AGO THAT YOU SHOULD BE EMPATHETIC TO OTHERS AND LOOK THROUGH THEIR EYES... SO WHEN I WAS DEPRESSED WHY DIDNT THEY ASK ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS AND LET ME TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IN TRUTH THEY DO NOT CARE NO ONE DOES. EVERYONE IS ONLY THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES AND HOW THEY CAN BENEFIT FROM THE OTHER PERSON FUCK THIS FUCKING WORLD MAN