Venting Preparation

[Sea Turtle]

When I'm feeling my worse, the only thing that helps me cope is taking small steps towards fulfilling my plan to ctb. Anyone else..? I've ordered my SN online, written my note, made voice clips for the one I love, as I heard that the thing people missed the most is hearing the voice of those who have gone. I've gathered everything I need for Stan's stat dose, unfortunely no anti-emetics but 100g should be enough for multiple doses anyways.

Not sure when I'm leaving yet, but I really don't think I can go on for much longer, especially with the next semester starting soon. SN will be here within 2 weeks. I hope the packaging isn't obvious.

Today's just one of those days I lie in bed and fantasize about ctb, but there's nothing left for me to plan or do. I think I've rewritten my note dozens of times by now. Nothing more to do but to be trapped in my own head. It's just one of those days

 

[WornOutLife]

I guess the closer you're to your plan, the better you feel.
I cancelled my SN order because I've decided to live for some more time but it deffo felt great when I ordered it lol.

 

[Sea Turtle]

I guess the closer you're to your plan, the better you feel.
I cancelled my SN order because I've decided to live for some more time but it deffo felt great when I ordered it lol.

I guess.. it does feel calming that it's finally coming but typical brain stressing about what if someone else sees the package, what will the labeling be, will I be questioned, will someone see my motives with it etc etc.

I just want this all to be over ...

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I've been stuck in my head so long pacing over ctb I've worn out the carpet. Going backwards is even worse. When someone mentions recovery I want to strangle them. I hope we both go soon

 

[Dcap1]

My near fatal overdose was peaceful, no pain, no memories. I woke up in hospital 5 days later when taken off of ventilator. I overdosed around 10pm and was found 1 pm the following day. I went through hell in hospital and put my family through a nightmare.
Try to hang on and hope for better days ahead.

 

[Sea Turtle]

My near fatal overdose was peaceful, no pain, no memories. I woke up in hospital 5 days later when taken off of ventilator. I overdosed around 10pm and was found 1 pm the following day. I went through hell in hospital and put my family through a nightmare.
Try to hang on and hope for better days ahead.

Please don't play that card on me. I've made my peace with my decision. It will be my first, and only attempt. I'm sorry for what you have been through but let me make my choice.

Better days are a lie. Better days don't make the bad days forgotten. Better days don't make life worth living. It all ends up back in the same hole, with the same feelings. The only thing I crave is nothingness. No feeling. No pain. Where nothing matters.

I've been stuck in my head so long pacing over ctb I've worn out the carpet. Going backwards is even worse. When someone mentions recovery I want to strangle them. I hope we both go soon

I feel that, truly. Wish you the best