pregnancy is scary scary

[tiaralamb]

getting pregnant is such an anxiety for me. no disrespect to any parents here at all, but I just detest life so much at this point that creating a new innocent soul to be flung into this chaos is not so good of an idea to me. & knowing my luck they'd inherit my mental ailments so there's that.

but I recently had a dream I was pregnant and when I woke up I was kind of sad because it wasn't real. mostly relieved, obviously, because again it's a terrifying terrifying concept. but!! I was a tiny tiny bit sad. a tiny bit. microscopic amount sad. there's always going to be a tiny bit of me that thinks having a baby would fix everything somehow but to be honest I think that's just because of my age. idk. is post-suicidal baby fever a thing.

 

[Venus13]

I think that's natural, especially for women. I'm a stringent antinatalist philosophically and I have no true desire for a child but I've felt that twinge of sadness about not experiencing it. I think it's good to sit in that feeling and explore it at some point. Having a family is not completely sinister, there are elements that are beautiful and pure. Maybe your subconscious recognizes elements that are appealing and enticing and presented it but your conscious mind knows better.

My best friend from childhood had twins today and they're already needing extra medical care. Reality hits hard, no enticement of it will ever change that. Still, it's hard to constantly be in harsh reality. It's okay to have sadness about not experiencing what appears beautiful on paper knowing it's not really a good option.

 

[tiaralamb]

I think that's natural, especially for women. I'm a stringent antinatalist philosophically and I have no true desire for a child but I've felt that twinge of sadness about not experiencing it. I think it's good to sit in that feeling and explore it at some point. Having a family is not completely sinister, there are elements that are beautiful and pure. Maybe your subconscious recognizes elements that are appealing and enticing and presented it but your conscious mind knows better.

My best friend from childhood had twins today and they're already needing extra medical care. Reality hits hard, no enticement of it will ever change that. Still, it's hard to constantly be in harsh reality. It's okay to have sadness about not experiencing what appears beautiful on paper knowing it's not really a good option.

this is genuinely such good advice, thank you. the perspective of acknowledging it sucks to miss out on something but knowing it's for the best is something I needed <3. if i wasn't such a mental case I could have my cake and eat it too, adopting a child. sigh ·_·

 

[AsAboveSoBelow]

I am of the opinion that if we're not sure we'd be able to look after a child (emotionally, financially, and holistically etc.), we shouldn't bring them into this world.

I suppose it's trickier for women. I wonder if there's any reason for this anxiety? Is it not possible for you to get on some form of birth control where you live, if you're not planning to have babies? Or use protection. Sorry if dumb question

For me, if I'm in a better place and not such a fuck-up as a person with bad genetics etc., I'd love to have a family. I love kids. But at this rate, I don't want to have kids when I'm not sure if I'm going to CTB or if I'm not stable enough myself to look after them responsibly.

Do what you feel comfortable doing and dealing with, in the long run. It's your body and your life. Bringing a human being into this world, for me, is a big deal. Though not all parents really plan for their kids, let alone look after them properly. The fact that you're thinking about all this, to me, demonstrates that you're a thoughtful and considerate person.

 

[Pluto]

I relate to what you say. It is healthy to avoid repressing the emotions, but to instead inspect what is happening closely.

I've found that there are many motivations that play into parenthood:
* A deep yearning to be the parents that we never had, and as such address unresolved pain from the past.
* A desire to experience being loved in the highest way possible for a human
* A deeply-held 'fairy tale' interpretation of family life, perhaps caused by a lifetime of consuming movies and TV shows.
* Wanting to keep up with friends who have been promoted into the parenthood realm
* Pressure by parents who want to be grandparents, etc.

There can also be darker aspects. My father was a closeted sadist and wanted to cause suffering while maintaining plausible denial. My mother though she could dictate the personality of her child. Even normies who have kids because 'you just do' shows a lack of thought.

The big challenge is the expectation vs. reality argument. Many people who have children come to regret it, but their stories tend to be ignored since people have a bias towards hearing romantic and positive reports. Money is a big factor, as is support from others, good relationships, physical/mental wellbeing, worldly knowledge, education on child psychology, etc.

The losses in sleep, energy, income, etc. make for a questionable picture compared to being able to invest in your hobbies, interests and generally enjoying a more relaxing life. There are also possible ethical concerns around bringing children into a world with such dire ecological and social issues.

Having said all of that, the mere fact that you think along these lines (i.e., thinking at all!) would make you a better parent than many. What matters most is not closing off to possibilities, but ensuring that choices made are based on rational cognition and realistic understanding.

 

[LittleJem]

I have never wanted children. Then maybe twice in my life in two (small) moments of happiness the desire came to me….so I agree it is natural for women to have these feelings (even though not every woman does..and I have hardly had them).

My mother was both mentally unstable and abusive and I slways knew I would not have children unless I could be a good mother. The reality is thst it was hard for me to even look after my (shared) dog. When I watch good parents I know I don't have the skills, the energy to parent. Even for people who do, it's hard being a parent. You also don't know what your child will be like. I think lots of women at menopause feel a pang about not having children, even if they did not want them. But also the reality if having children is that lots of people can regret it or find it relentless. For life not just for Christmas!

 

[FuneralCry]

Pregnancy sounds like a horrific experience, I would find it disturbing if there was something inside of me that would soon exist. Procreation is absolutely unacceptable and shameful to me, it's incredibly selfish to create unnecessary suffering that never needed to exist all for someone's own benefit. Nobody deserves to be burdened with existence, it's kinder to leave the nonexistent alone as procreation is the source of all human problems.

 

[EfiLoneVolon]

getting pregnant is such an anxiety for me. no disrespect to any parents here at all, but I just detest life so much at this point that creating a new innocent soul to be flung into this chaos is not so good of an idea to me. & knowing my luck they'd inherit my mental ailments so there's that.

but I recently had a dream I was pregnant and when I woke up I was kind of sad because it wasn't real. mostly relieved, obviously, because again it's a terrifying terrifying concept. but!! I was a tiny tiny bit sad. a tiny bit. microscopic amount sad. there's always going to be a tiny bit of me that thinks having a baby would fix everything somehow but to be honest I think that's just because of my age. idk. is post-suicidal baby fever a thing.

Knowing somebody feels uncondionnal love toward you must be very pleasant. I think having a kid, teaching him things, share good times with him,watch him grow is probably the coolest thing in the world.
Probably sometimes a difficult task but a wonderful experience.