Venting Pouring out my feelings

[GuppyBoyo]

The only thing younger me ever wanted was just a chance to learn.
Anything.
But they never let me do anything.

I wasn't allowed to play sports.
I wasn't allowed to play outside with the other kids.
I wasn't allowed to take advanced classes.

I wasn't even allowed to learn how to draw...
I was sentenced to staying at home, staring at the TV screen.
Getting whipped with blunt whips.
Drenched in freezing water until I collapsed on the bathroom floor, puking.
That was my fucking life.

And look at me now.
I can't even do the things I love without remembering them.
I can't even feel the joy of doing what I love.

And now?
I can't spend a second awake without my muscles burning.
I can't think without my head hammering with headaches.

Look at me...
Slobbering like a sloth, dragging myself through town to run errands.
Going to work.
Getting yelled at.
Coming home.
Sleeping.
Waking up.
Internet.
Eat.
Jerk off.
Sleep.
Repeat.

And now look at me —
Slouched over, hairy like an ape.
A tall, lanky, disgusting man.

i wanna be a beautiful woman....

 

[wantingdignity]

I hope life gets easier for you. I'm sorry that you weren't treated properly as a kid. You deserved to have a supportive home environment and I'm really sorry you didn't get it.

The part of your writing talking about modern day reminds me of Sisyphus. I can relate to feeling like you're trapped in a never ending cycle.

 

[NiveusAnima]

The endless loop is real. I'm built like a damn lumberjack, so when people find out I went through similar shit, they just... don't believe me. Fucking sucks.
Can't say I know it all, but I know life would be way better if I was a hot chick. Not even easier necessarily, just better.

 

[GuppyBoyo]

The endless loop is real. I'm built like a damn lumberjack, so when people find out I went through similar shit, they just... don't believe me. Fucking sucks.
Can't say I know it all, but I know life would be way better if I was a hot chick. Not even easier necessarily, just better.

would it make you happier too if you were a woman ?

 

[NiveusAnima]

would it make you happier too if you were a woman ?

Hell yeah it would! I wouldn't give a damn about shit like period cramps or whatever, I'd be way happier!