You look just like me! I used to study theology for a time, but I dropped it. Are you a Christian? I am, but I can't practice it or anything, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, but I have no energy for nothing, I don't go to church, I don't read the Bible, I don't love my enemies, I'm addicted to porn, I don't even pray . Anyway, do you have any relationship with religion? How do you balance it with your suicidal thoughts?
Hi Joa! Nice to hear about that, and thank you for replying.
I consider myself a Christian, although I also consider almost all religions valid, and accept Jewish perceptions as well.
I didn't grow up extremely heavily involved with the church, but I used to attend with my Mother at the time. She fell out of love with the church due to personal reasons, and I did soon after. I was an atheist for the longest time, and honestly, I saw a lot more anti-Christian media (BOI), and much much more.
I recently became a Christian again after playing a historical game that had the Church as a backdrop; then I realized something that I didn't before. The heart of religion isn't the pastures and priests, it isn't the Pope, it's the people and the community that surrounds it, it kind of got rid of my anti-religious sentiment after that.
Still Anti Religious Authority Figures though. (Only Jesus himself can say what's right and wrong), And those who say otherwise are being false prophets.
I've kind of personally studied it because I find it alongside psychology of the time's fascinating, but I didn't go to college for it, I haven't read the Bible fully, just graphic novel-adjacent (Action Bible), and long-winded recounts of the stories.
I don't generally believe that we are all inherently sinful from birth, and that we must repent fully. I see the bible more as lessons on how to live your best life, with a mixture of fantasy and history, that people can
My relationship is complicated; I suffer through a lot of the things that you do. (Maybe I'm not addicted to porn), But if there's any god out there, then I hope they judge me truthfully for what I've done, I can't do what I wish to do with the vessel I was born into.
But that's my opinion, if I go to hell, then I do so, there's not much I can do, so I just try my best and live on.
What would you want your life to look like?
When I was younger, I wanted to be an ice cream salesman; I didn't think about that kind of thing.
In my teens, I wanted to be a comic artist or some creative, no matter the cost, I wanted to Write Books and Make Graphic Novels. (I didn't because I'm not very good at drawing, and I kept making new projects and was inexperienced.)
In my early young adult life. 17-18-19, I wanted to do System programming/ Game Systems Programming for the gaming industry and help make the foundations for other people's art, I hated myself so I wanted to put myself before others everywhere.
Now? I just want to try to reclaim the life I lost because of my disabilities, it's.. It's not even big things anymore, like just having consistent friends to hang out with IRL, walking around town with them, experiencing life, the good and the bad, maybe date someone and find love. Basically, the stereotypical young adult/teen experience.
I've been pretty lonely throughout my life, and I was a mixture of homeschooled and too outwardly autistic for me to really get a whole bunch of friends who also weren't autistic/introverted, and I feel like I lost a huge chunk of my life too, finding relationships, hell even the embarssing stuff, or getting bullied. I just want my life to feel like it's real again, like reality matters, even if it's infrequent.
My ideal self would be outwardly social and a lot more energetic, I wouldn't care if I had a filter or not, and the rest of my time would be spent pursuing my passions, no matter how cringey and having the pride to show to the world stuff I created, and happy to be myself.
What kind of character do you most enjoy playing in TTRPGs? When you play that character, how deeply do you get into their mindset? Do you start thinking and feeling like them?
I generally enjoy small, slightly spunky, feminine characters. I'm a forever DM, so I like Kobolds, Goblins, Fey, Anthropomorphic Creatures, that kind of thing. I'm also really into Mice and rats.
As for Classes, I tend to lean more towards Magic and diplomacy. I like playing Artificer and general support-related classes. I haven't had a session long enough to become fully immersed, but I tend to think more critically like them. It does sometimes feel like a barrier, though, and long combat sessions can really ruin the vibe at times.
Honestly I feel like I write and think more about my TTRPG characters and how they are and how they'd react to things, rather then actually playing them. xp
