A_Poetic_Death

A_Poetic_Death

"Existence is pain."
Dec 19, 2019
26
I'll fess up and say this is impulse, but the truth remains that my life is only going to get worse after 31 with severe mental illnesses, financially and 100% everything. The trigger was/is my abusive dad.

I'm on a high cliff in my area, I'll just say its a desert. The app My Elevation suggests its 5, 143 ft. We live at 4, 300 ft. Anyone know the statistics for survival/vegetation state/coming back worse?

The cliff goes down into a ravine for water in the desert wilderness. I'm not sure how the car will impact. Its a toyota Camry with lots of weight.

My thought is and I am parked on a slope.... more inertia. Car weighs 3000lbs.

I gun the engine as fast as possible, as soon as I got free fall, close my eyes and let it happen....

I'd be a gd liar if I said I wasn't frightened right now and there's a 90% chance of not CTB. I get the nerve to do it and then crap out and go cry about my shit life and then it gets better and then it gets worse.

The dreaded CTB debate....get on or don't get on.
 
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A_Poetic_Death

A_Poetic_Death

"Existence is pain."
Dec 19, 2019
26
I didn't CTB. Too much fear. I've been in the car on the cliff over an hour. Chatroom helped tremendously.
 
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randomz

randomz

Specialist
Nov 4, 2019
395
I am glad you decided to not CTB and you are still here with us.
 
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A_Poetic_Death

A_Poetic_Death

"Existence is pain."
Dec 19, 2019
26
Thank you ❤

I don't know, lots of conflicted emotions right now.
 
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squirtsoda

squirtsoda

Fallen Eagle
Jan 19, 2020
324
Lots of places I know in Arizona that would be a beautiful way out, also between 5,500 and 8,000 ft elevation
 
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NeverHungry

NeverHungry

To eat or not to eat...
Jan 30, 2020
72
Thank you ❤

I don't know, lots of conflicted emotions right now.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. That sounds extremely rough. I'm glad to hear that you were able to get support from the chatroom. :heart:
 
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Thereisnothing

Thereisnothing

Enlightened
Jan 4, 2020
1,604
Thank you ❤

I don't know, lots of conflicted emotions right now.
Understand how you must be feeling, but glad to hear you are safe. I attempted to CTB last week and stooped not long after started the method, so much conflict. Keep talking and sharing, I know it changes not our problems, but sure is helpful to vent and know people care. :hug:
 
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Jean4

Jean4

Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
Apr 28, 2019
7,557
Thank you ❤

I don't know, lots of conflicted emotions right now.
Please do not do anything impulsive. You are talking to an impulsive CTB er. We aren't going to stop you, but are here should you want to talk. :)
 
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A_Poetic_Death

A_Poetic_Death

"Existence is pain."
Dec 19, 2019
26
Thank you all for the support guys ❤❤❤❤
 
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Amorphous Blob

Amorphous Blob

Member
Jan 30, 2020
52
At the very least that sounds pretty badass
 

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