Oct 19, 2020
As some of you may know, I recently failed a ctb attempt. The experience has inspired a lot of fear in me. Fear, humiliation, and a great amount of disappointment in myself.

I've been wondering if maybe I can somehow get better. Go beyond this hatred I have for society and the world in general. But I don't know how to get help. I've been on a couple antidepressants before, but they didn't help.

I currently have no insurance. I also live in the US, so no healthcare is free. We're poor, so I can't afford to pay for therapy or anything.

Does anyone know how I might go about getting some help? At this point I'm beyond desperate. I can't live like this, and I can't kill myself!

I appreciate any advice that anyone can give.


Nov 25, 2019
You could try some self-help books, or even mental health apps for things like CBT, or specific disorders. Just keeping a daily thought journal can help. If you haven't already seen Kati Morton on YT I recommend watching some of her stuff... https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton

I can take a while to find medication that works. If you have the opportunity to try some others then that might be helpful. I tried 5 or 6 iirc before I found one that works for me.
  • Like
Reactions: Sensei


Dec 8, 2020
It sounds like you're in such a difficult place right now. I'm glad that you want to seek out help, though. Recovery is not a linear or easy process, so it's important to be motivated as you seem to be. I live in the US too, and it's a shame how difficult it is to find help - even if you're fortunate enough to have decent health insurance and see someone, it can be challenging to find professionals who are a good fit for you.

Anyway, I suppose as a first step, are there any goals that you have in mind right now? For example, motivation in day-to-day life, or getting help regulating emotions? Also, you mentioned struggling with health insurance (an obstacle that so many people in this country unfortunately face). Do you know if you're eligible for Medicare?
Last edited:


Mar 26, 2020
As far as free resources go there are churches and pastoral counseling, various 12 step groups, telephone help lines, and you may wish to consider calling various hospitals to see if they know of other type self-help and support groups. Your reaching out here is a good indication of your ability to seek help where you can find it.

Your comment about hating society reflects some of the reaction of many to the process of replacing families and communities with organizations and institutions. It is sad that often the sharpest impact is felt most deeply by those least able to cope. This makes whatever connections you can build with others even more important.