Discussion Positive Thinking

[kovu]

The other day (by which I mean yesterday), I talked to someone akin to a therapist. I don't know her actual qualifications , but she has some. It's a service that's being offered at a course I'm currently attending (have to) as I'm out of work. While we were conversing, the topic of my entrance exam (which I have tomorrow) came up. I was frank about my chances of making it—it's quite competitive, and there are thousands of applicants to hundreds of spots. The odds, especially as I'm not as well-prepared as I'd like to be, are not in my favour.

So, I told her I'll probably not get in. I'll still attend, and I'll try my absolute best, but statistically, I probably won't receive a spot. Her answer was that I couldn't receive a spot if I went into the exam with that mindest. And I understand that language influences us, be it the way we phrase things, the words we choose, etc. But even then, it's more of a confidence thing, in my opinion—something that's going to help you more so during a speech or some such.

A realistic predisposition (which, to many people, will automatically appear as a negative/pessimistic attitude) doesn't necessarily have to influence the result. Whether I tell myself that I'm going to make it or not, the questions will remain the same, my knowledge will remain the same, and my answers to the questions will also remain the same. In the heat of the moment, it doesn't really matter if you told yourself you're (statistically) going to fail or (hopefully) going to achieve success.

Au contraire, in some situations, some negative thinking can even help you out. It makes you cautious, prepared. You don't go at things willy-nilly, hoping that it will work out, but you plan out contingencies in case you fail—because you're realistic about your chances. It's why I've got a plan B in case I don't pass the test. I'm also prepping a last-minute plan C that might also work out. We'll see.

What do you think? I'm writing this post because she really wouldn't budge on that particular viewpoint. Even when I tried to tell her that I'm not being pessimistic and when she acknowledged that I'm just being realistic, she still acted like I couldn't possibly be successful if I don't tell myself that I'm going to make it. Not that I didn't enjoy the conversation—she was likeable and quite agreeable—but that specific insistence bugged me.

My personal motto has long been: If you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed. I've often gotten my hopes up for nothing, and that's not something you want to repeat again and again when your life's like mine: a literal cavalcade of disappointment.

So, what do you think? Are you an optimist, pessimist or realist? And how do you approach things like that; do you tell yourself you'll succeed? Are you realistic about where your chances are and what you might expect? Do you think being a pessimist is a self-fulfilling prophecy?

 

[EchoWanderer77]

She has a point. You have to tell yourself that you can do anything you put your mind into, that you should do it, that you will do it. As Yoda said : "Do. Or do not. There's no try."

 

[Pluto]

 

[wham311]

I used to think that I can do anything. It took 38 years to realize I can not do literally a single thing right.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I get to hear that a lot - think positive. It's not that easy if we have no positive experiences at all.

I'm a realist. It's better to have not much or no hopes for an outcome - if it doesn't happen there's hardly any disappointment. If the expectations are too high the fall is a lot deeper if our expectations aren't met again. That results in us falling deeper into the hole we're already trapped in.

For people with an average life and especially for those who always have lucky hands it's easy to say "think positive" bc if they fail with sth they have enough positive buffer in them to move onto the next thing but once that positive buffer is gone due to too much negative experiences we had over a long period of time it's almost impossible to think positive and have positive expectations.

In my case, I would need so much positive things happening to me with 0 setbacks so that my life can become the life I want to live - yet, I can'tr think positive if I want to try sth bc I already know - most like this will fail again, as usual. I can't bear another failure right after the last one.

 

[ObsidianEnigma]

You are right, she is wrong. During college, work interviews, and other situations, I often succeeded even though I (rightfully) expected that I might fail because I wasn't prepared well enough.

I think it's good to set realistic expectations. If you know your chances are slim, you won't be negatively surprised, and you'll already be planning ahead: (what will I do if I fail?)

 

[avalokitesvara]

People, by and large, are scared children. They create all kinds of magical thinking to help them cope with the chaos and uncertainty of the universe. Whether it's praying to god, "manifesting", or "positive thinking", it's all the same desperate attempt to fervently believe our thoughts and feelings have any impact on the chaotic unfolding of our tiny lives in the enormity of the universe. She is a frightened baby, you have the courage to see things clearly and rationally.

I hope you get in.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've never been very good at positive thinking to the extent that I actually hate trying to think positively or, being pressured to. Mostly because it feels like lying to myself! I simply don't think it could even work for me because I wouldn't actually believe it. It would be like blowing smoke up my own arse.

I can only do it in a truthful way. As in- you don't have many choices here- you're going to have to do this thing. Ok- you're unlikely to be a 'natural' at it but, maybe you'll do a good enough job to get by. Make sure you've done all you possibly can to prepare for it at least- give yourself the best chance.

I don't think it necessarily guarantees failure either. I doubt I've gone into any exam, test, whatever without being accompanied with self doubt. I haven't outright failed all that much though.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better with more confidence and optimism. Maybe, but it just doesn't feel who I am. I think I'm a realist with a pessimistic bias.

I also think it's important to know our own faults, because sometimes there are ways around them. My job is creative and draws upon lots of different skills. Sone things I'm much better at than others. Obviously, practice increases our ability in each area. However, certain things, I simply fail at time and time again! It's more time saving to do the same thing using a different technique (sometimes.) If I'd lied to myself and told myself I was secretely great at this particular thing- I just needed more practice, I'd still be struggling with it! Sonetimes I think it can be better to concede defeat and, find another way.

I just think there needs to be a balance. So, not being so negatitive that we convince ourselves we're worthless and, can't do anything. But, honest enough to know our limitations.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I think the definition of "positive thinking" is a little cloudy and mixed up. The best approach in my opinion is to be positive, and negative, and realistic, all at the same time.

 

[kovu]

People, by and large, are scared children. They create all kinds of magical thinking to help them cope with the chaos and uncertainty of the universe. Whether it's praying to god, "manifesting", or "positive thinking", it's all the same desperate attempt to fervently believe our thoughts and feelings have any impact on the chaotic unfolding of our tiny lives in the enormity of the universe. She is a frightened baby, you have the courage to see things clearly and rationally.

I hope you get in.

That's what I'm thinking. I've had a, let's say, year of positive thinking, and it (obviously) didn't change things. I've gone back to being realistic. I suppose for some, positive thinking is important because it helps them from spiralling—it's easy to fall into too negative thought patterns, and those can change things. For the worse. If you aren't just realistic about your chances, but so negative about them that it keeps you from actually getting up and going and studying and working, then yeah, those thoughts can impact reality. But you don't have to think positive to get off your ass and work for it. It's no vice-versa. Other people—especially religious types, those that don't understand how you can be moral if you don't believe in god and heaven and hell—probably need it to stay accountable. (Which I also don't get, to be honest. Why would you stay accountable to god instead of yourself?). But if you're relatively stable, there's no reason to delude yourself with 'Everything's going to be okay, everything's going to work out,' etc. Sometimes it plain doesn't, and you just have to go at it again or look for something different.

I may have needed that year of positive thinking to bounce back from more depressive episodes and thought patterns, as a sort of adjustment period. (Den Bogen überspannen). But I don't see the need for it when you're not at-risk.

And thanks, I hope so too.

I've never been very good at positive thinking to the extent that I actually hate trying to think positively or, being pressured to. Mostly because it feels like lying to myself! I simply don't think it could even work for me because I wouldn't actually believe it. It would be like blowing smoke up my own arse.

I can only do it in a truthful way. As in- you don't have many choices here- you're going to have to do this thing. Ok- you're unlikely to be a 'natural' at it but, maybe you'll do a good enough job to get by. Make sure you've done all you possibly can to prepare for it at least- give yourself the best chance.

I don't think it necessarily guarantees failure either. I doubt I've gone into any exam, test, whatever without being accompanied with self doubt. I haven't outright failed all that much though.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better with more confidence and optimism. Maybe, but it just doesn't feel who I am. I think I'm a realist with a pessimistic bias.

I also think it's important to know our own faults, because sometimes there are ways around them. My job is creative and draws upon lots of different skills. Sone things I'm much better at than others. Obviously, practice increases our ability in each area. However, certain things, I simply fail at time and time again! It's more time saving to do the same thing using a different technique (sometimes.) If I'd lied to myself and told myself I was secretely great at this particular thing- I just needed more practice, I'd still be struggling with it! Sonetimes I think it can be better to concede defeat and, find another way.

I just think there needs to be a balance. So, not being so negatitive that we convince ourselves we're worthless and, can't do anything. But, honest enough to know our limitations.

That last sentence basically sums up my previous reply, so yeah, I agree!