It's just all I know, under no circumstances would I wish to exist, I see existing as completely undesirable in every way possible, I have no interest in suffering in this existence but rather I just wish the peace of never existing again instead. I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this cruel, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, to me human existence just feels like a mistake, just being conscious is painful for me, I wish I could erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all.