Didn't pick one, wasn't really sure what to pick. They are however why I believe people need a license granted after full psychiatric evaluation before being allowed to raise children. Children are sponges that absorb everything, and deserve to be raised with love and kindness. Hate is taught, and shouldn't be permitted. Period.
They provided me with the bare essentials. When old enough, I took care of myself. I put myself through school. I fed myself.
There was much anger, but the physical absuse was minimal. Up until I could go outside on my own, I was parked in front of a TV and later shit on because I was watching too much TV (I now hate TV). I grew up with the sit there and shut up mentality which evolved into me not being an overly social person. They taught me nothing, that was the school's job. They didn't look out for me when I needed it. Once I was old enough, I was always out as they never kept tabs on me. And its amazing that I survived some things. I didn't have much interaction with them, unless it was forced. I was later kicked out at 14 for standing up for myself against my step fathers raging name calling. My mother did leave him not long after for other reasons, so props to her on that.
So naturally, I didn't keep in touch much. I did move back with my mom in my mid twenties. It was mostly to her advantage. My rent paid her mortgage, I paid for and did some repairs. Eventually I left again once things fell apart. But in fairness I guess I had a roof, I would've paid rent elsewhere.
My mother died a few years ago, while I felt sad initially, I honestly don't really care as there wasn't a real bond made. I loved her as my mother, because I was supposed to. I didn't even go to the funeral. Though I do believe funerals are for the living and there was no one living I would've wanted to see or talk to as I have no family. I suppose that makes me a bad person in the end.
The step father is still alive I think. I've seen him a couple of times in the last 30 years, and he still played the victim. Haven't seen him in close to 20 years, and don't plan to. I've moved 100km away. If news gets back to me that he died, I will probably feel relieved that he can't manipulate anyone else. So yea I'm probably a bad person for thinking like that. So be it.
I'm generally nice to others. I smile, I hold doors open, I clean off my food table and push my chair in, I thank the people who serve me in the retail world. I help those whom I can. I took a senior and her dog to the vet not long ago because her dog appeared to have suffered a stroke. Thankfully the dog came home with medicine and seeing her happiness was all the reward I needed. I don't require praise, nor do I typically bring up my good deeds because despite the negative values that I was taught, I formed my own moral compass. Also I don't care what other people think, I do good things because it makes me feel good. Maybe it can make up for the things I'm not proud of.
So I guess I'm not sure what this classifies as. There are plenty of people who've had it far worse than I did. As such I can't claim abuse and feel right about that when kids out there have been beaten or worse, and I've never really brought it up to anyone anyway. While I mention it here, It isn't something I'd normally talk about openly. I'm a pretty quiet guy.
I will say however that my choice to CTB has nothing to do with my parents or my upbringing. It is health related. I'll eventually succumb to my illnesses, or take care of it myself if life becomes unbearable.
