In my case I ultimately wish to die as I don't see existence as desirable. For me suicide is the rational solution to prevent all future unnecessary suffering, I will always prefer the sound of eternally not existing to being enslaved in this futile and cruel existence.
In general existence is just so burdensome, I find it very unappealing having the ability to exist as a conscious being where there is no limit as to how much I could suffer.
I envy those who cease existing, they are the fortunate ones as now they are eternally unaware and they lack the ability to be tormented in this existence there was never even a need for in the first place.