Poem critique

[FadingSunshine]

Hey, I was wondering if I could get some critique on my poem. I just started writing recently and I have no experience, but I thought it would be a fun thing to do in my free time. Please feel free to be as critical as possible, I won't take it personally I just want to improve.

Inside the bustling city
Everyone has a place to be
Walking to their destination
As if their life depends on it.
Working day and night
To live an average life.
They must be the center of the universe
The main character
Living their life only focused on themselves.
Their whole life in the pursuit of objects
More money
Faster car
Bigger house
Designer clothes
The rush of life has them addicted
Until it passes them by.
Their car that they loved so much
Sits rusting in a junkyard.
Their house which brought them satisfaction
Boarded up, left disarrayed.
Their clothes that they wore so proudly
Tossing and turning in the street.
The objects they spent their whole life pursuing
Accompany them to their coffin.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hey, I was wondering if I could get some critique on my poem. I just started writing recently and I have no experience, but I thought it would be a fun thing to do in my free time. Please feel free to be as critical as possible, I won't take it personally I just want to improve.

Inside the bustling city
Everyone has a place to be
Walking to their destination
As if their life depends on it.
Working day and night
To live an average life.
They must be the center of the universe
The main character
Living their life only focused on themselves.
Their whole life in the pursuit of objects
More money
Faster car
Bigger house
Designer clothes
The rush of life has them addicted
Until it passes them by.
Their car that they loved so much
Sits rusting in a junkyard.
Their house which brought them satisfaction
Boarded up, left disarrayed.
Their clothes that they wore so proudly
Tossing and turning in the street.
The objects they spent their whole life pursuing
Accompany them to their coffin.

Hello @FadingSunshine,
Thanks so much for sharing your poem!
I suck at criticism, including constructive one, so I would like to make a suggestion.

How about adding an object into the mix which is the opposite of four things you included in the poem, namely money, a fast car, a big house and designer clothes.
These objects are symbols of prestige, but as you said they will lose value over time and you can't bring them with you when you go. So, for example, the opposite can be letters from your best friend.

But we have letters from our best friends.
We know these are no prestigious,
But their timeless words will escort us,
Beyond our graves, when the life ends.

They focus only on themselves, and a letter implies we have significant others, so it's foreign to them, but we know it has value...

Again, this is just an example. As a natural-born drama queen, I like to present ideas in contrast.
You seem to be recovery-oriented, so I hope you thrive, or at least keep monsters in your head at bay, with your magic spells of poetry.

LoiteringClouds