poem about bpd that i wrote??

[scarletrat]

filthy claw like hands/thing inside of me

im multiple people at once but at the same time im no one. i steal personalities from others and wear them until someone tells me they hate how ive changed. everyone keeps telling me that i just have to find myself but they dont know that i dont exist. im just a puppet. a shell whose only purpose is to be used by others repeatedly. ill tell people stuff to hurt them. because ive always known that every little detail theyve ever told me about themselves will be used against them at some point. ive told people about me. about what im gonna do to them. they say they dont believe me or dont care because they havent seen the other me. but then when that me does come out its too late. ill do everything to hurt them. physically and mentally. and when that fails to make me feel better i hurt myself. then i manipulate them into coming back. meanwhile im actually just sitting in an 80s looking room with flickering lights drinking my cinnamon tea and smoking a cigarette. through the glass window im watching it all unfold. unable to do anything but at this point ive stopped caring. stopped trying to prevent it. its too confusing. too hard anyways. so i drown myself in my tea and burn the place to the ground while it looks for its next victim.

 

[patheticq]

This is beautifully written. I also have BPD, and god; what a nightmare. It's comforting to know other people truly understand the hell it is to have borderline.

 

[Chaosire]

Your words really speak to me.
I have BPD as well, and this cycle you describe has been repeated over and over, in my not-so-distant past.
Even though I've had therapy specifically for my borderline, the urge to relapse in that cycle is still present.

Just know you're not suffering on your own, even if it feels that way. I think a lot of us here can relate.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I have BPD/EUPD, an illness I really hate, and that that does strike a chord with me. Hoping you are all ok tonight.