Venting Please wish me luck

[leaf23]

Please wish me luck, or if you're practicing a religion, please pray for me.
Horrible day. Ideally was to bring up a request-complaint but it deacended to a horrible argument with that person yelling at me. Going to try to talk with them and resolve the situation since it ended in such a horrible note and me shaking and weepy and considering to check myself in a hospital because I just felt like taking a sharp object and kms never mind my plans and the ineffectivity of the method. Was just generally mentally in shambles. Horrible.
Anyways feel a bit more calm but just want to resolve the whole situation. I could use some well wishes please. I know lovely and kind people exist but dealing with like the ones earlier make it seem sometimes as if they don't. There's prolly some good in them too but they aren't showing or sharing their good sides to me.
Sorry for being so vague im just so paranoid someone i know irl might recognize me. Maybe more details later.
Thank you for anyone reading this and sincerely wish everyone else had a better day than I did.

 

[alpris13]

Please wish me luck, or if you're practicing a religion, please pray for me.
Horrible day. Ideally was to bring up a request-complaint but it deacended to a horrible argument with that person yelling at me. Going to try to talk with them and resolve the situation since it ended in such a horrible note and me shaking and weepy and considering to check myself in a hospital because I just felt like taking a sharp object and kms never mind my plans and the ineffectivity of the method. Was just generally mentally in shambles. Horrible.
Anyways feel a bit more calm but just want to resolve the whole situation. I could use some well wishes please. I know lovely and kind people exist but dealing with like the ones earlier make it seem sometimes as if they don't. There's prolly some good in them too but they aren't showing or sharing their good sides to me.
Sorry for being so vague im just so paranoid someone i know irl might recognize me. Maybe more details later.
Thank you for anyone reading this and sincerely wish everyone else had a better day than I did.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I had something similar happen to me a few days ago and it left me a mess. I understand how overwhelming it is when you deal with something like that. Try to calm yourself down for a bit so you can think more clearly and process what happened.

 

[leaf23]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I had something similar happen to me a few days ago and it left me a mess. I understand how overwhelming it is when you deal with something like that. Try to calm yourself down for a bit so you can think more clearly and process what happened.

Thank you so much . It makes me sad people are suffering the same pain, but i'm also comforted? Like i'm not alone.
Just remembering the incidents and people earlier makes me all sorts of fraught but i'm trying to write some of them down here for some sort of closure or processing, similar to what you're suggesting. Thank you for the advice btw . I do hope you're feeling better yourself or your own situation resolves itself, or is in the process of.

-----
Update: 2nd talk was okayish, i guess? Better than the 1st for sure in that there's no yelling.


Anyways. Some more context about the 1st talk!
(This whole situation was not in a work/ professional setting but a personal one btw.)
The subject was about something that's been happening for months. I actually went to talk with them months ago about the same topic, that months-ago talk went well and so i thought those things would stop. That person had to leave so left a deputy to be in charge of their space. THEN it kept happening again and again and again ad infinitum . Each time i'd point it out to the deputy (which was a special hell because im conflict avoidant) they'd say they'll put a stop on it but yah a couple of days later i'd have to head over to them again .

Fast forward to now when that person came back and the thing happened again .
I'm in a morass of frustration and anger when the same thing happened earlier as anyone might have guessed. Tried to be calm when i went over the same topic to that person but that person started gaslighting saying do you have evidence. I, incredulous, said, um yees? I saw it?? It was deliberate??
Holy hell, it's still so difficult to talk about it, even indirectly, i'm sorry i can't elaborate. Then that person said their people denied doing that and i'm all 'this instance just happened tho? I literally came over right after it happened. How could you have talked to them already?'. Then they said you have no evidence why don't you just record a video the next time it happens? Why don't you install a cctv camera? By that point i notice my hands are shaking i think i was going into shock. But also one part of me felt so embarrassed and humiliated because i couldnt say i dont have the money for that im sorry im poor. Think i was experiencing dissociation by this point. I'm so tired and stressed just remembering that whole 1st talk omg i can't write about it anymore i'm so sorry. I feel like i'm starting to be shaky and weepy again if i be more detailed and step by step going over the talk so i'll shorten it to us two going in circles, then them inserting some fault i did and trying to hijack that conversation into revolving around that fault. That fault of mine was wrong of me, i admitted it and apologized right away but it was completely unrelated to the subject at hand. That gaslighting and bringing up true but unrelated fault was them being defensive i know but i just wanted to reach a resolution and they kept insisting 'no, you're wrong, they said they didn't do it,' implying im a liar, 'you did that fault,' til they were raising their voice and yelling at me and i, in a fit of frustration, threw pieces of folded paper at the wall saying in shaky voice, ok well whoever did that thing just stop, then i left.

I'm so tired i'm so sorry, i'll maybe post some of the 2nd talk later. Just wanted to thank the people here. Thank you very much once again.

 

[wait.what]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you're at least physically safe from this individual. Your mental health is obviously being badly damaged. It takes a special kind of shithead to gaslight the mentally ill. Bullies do this because they know how easy it is to discredit someone with a psyche diagnosis. With an inconvenient witness silenced and any would-be defenders now gone, the bully can do pretty much whatever he or she wants. Such people are terribly dangerous, because in order to get their own way, they're quite comfortable with sacrificing other people. Sometimes their mentally-abusive behavior escalates into physical violence, sometimes not. But directly or indirectly, they may cause death, and quite deliberately so.

Please remain as safe as you can.

 

[leaf23]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you're at least physically safe from this individual. Your mental health is obviously being badly damaged. It takes a special kind of shithead to gaslight the mentally ill. Bullies do this because they know how easy it is to discredit someone with a psyche diagnosis. With an inconvenient witness silenced and any would-be defenders now gone, the bully can do pretty much whatever he or she wants. Such people are terribly dangerous, because in order to get their own way, they're quite comfortable with sacrificing other people. Sometimes their mentally-abusive behavior escalates into physical violence, sometimes not. But directly or indirectly, they may cause death, and quite deliberately so.

Please remain as safe as you can.

Thank you so much, I hope I'm as safe as I can be too. Actually part of why I wanted so much to resolve the situation again immediately was because I didn't want it to escalate. I'm actually not really worried about physical safety (maybe because my suicidal ideation is strong right now?) but more concerned about them damaging our property more.

They're actually my neighbors and the whole issue was about something they've been doing to our property. I feel now as if I've been too paranoid not saying that much, I'm so sorry. It's not something like a noise complaint but something more unique and identifiable so I can't elaborate. One of them is close friends with someone working in the mental health sector too and I'm worried they're lurking here, so.

To have you identify them as bullies was validating to me, thank you so much. I'm so socially isolated I haven't really talked about this to anyone and to have someone give a name to what I've been feeling and suffering is a comfort, thank you . Because of isolation, I feel like I'm often out of touch of normal behavior to the point that I doubt these things. So even though I definitely felt bullied, I wasn't sure if their behavior could be considered bullying. I was overthinking that maybe my feelings were distorting the whole situation and I was just overreacting.

Sometimes I felt as if I'm in an abusive relationship with them lol. They do something to me ("abuse") , they promise to take care of it ("change"), I forgive them ("make excuses" for them). Then the whole cycle repeats again and again.

It's gotten to the point that the sound of their voices trigger me. I frequently use earphones just so I can't hear them accidentally. The voices travel easily to our place plus some of them have no concept of "inside voice".

Seeking the homeowner's association was futile and I can't move out because I have to repair and renovate the house first if I want to get a good price selling it. It would take months selling it too, as the real estate market seems tough. I don't have the money to just rent somewhere else first and don't have anyone I could stay with.

It's possible to sue them but I've been putting this off because this way seems to have too much cons.

I was optimistic enough to think talking with them would work. I think I've tried everything. All of them and this whole situation is one of the reasons I really want to kms these days. I feel like I'm in a hopeless situation, or a waiting game wherein one of these: my ability to cope, my efforts to settle things with the house, or my desire to kms will win.