I'm a waste of space, a piece of shit and would be better off dead instead of going on as I feel. I don't know why people won't just tell me how it is and do something for me for once instead of everything being about how other people would feel if I was gone. Please just tell me what I need to hear to make this less painful.
houseofleaves
and this with thee remains.
- Jan 14, 2022
- 554
There's a possibility that you're not the most beautiful, successful, brilliant human being on planet Earth. But by no means the conclusion to this problem is catching the bus.
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
I don't know either. The guilt of suicide just helps me stay miserable until I die. The only important thing is how the guilt VS misery balances. Once misery wins at the right moment I get to be done.
thedaywillcome
I will leave soon
- Apr 2, 2022
- 358
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
If you don't feel guilty by the knowledge your suicide will devastate loved ones, then good for you & I envy you.
thedaywillcome
I will leave soon
- Apr 2, 2022
- 358
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
You're probably just fucking with me. It's clear I'm talking about guilt while living. If you don't get it you don't get it. Move on.
I absolutely hate myself, people don't want to be near me, even if I were in their position, I will probably do the same. I am pretty much the definition of loser in society.
I don't honestly know why I haven't ctbed yet, probably just hesitation. I still feel lonely or useless most days. I think about it more when I see people in public, they make it look so easy.
It's very weird to say this, and I might be just crazy. But it helps me to not set any expectations to anything I do.
At this point, I am okay with being a horrible person. Pretty stupid right? And it makes me realize the flawed nature of humans, how we as a species are selfish.
How we spend most of our lives working, and trying to get better, getting more money.
It makes me considered a failure to not be able to do these things, and I think that as well. Even the slightest amount of stress makes be want to ctb.
But in the grand scheme of things, we will all die eventually so it kind of doesn't matter. I know that I a terrible person, but throughout the years, I noticed that successful people are terrible in their own way.
In order to rise higher in status, someone has do move down. When I see homeless people on the street, all of them just drive by in their shiny new cars. It doesn't matter whether they give money or not, it's acting like homeless people exist. Living all in their little bubbles and knowing they will do something great to change the world.
But is it really a better change in the world? When our actions of "greatness" is slowly killing everthing around us? When what I have is built upon the skeletons of other humans?
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. This is just how I cope so it's perfectly okay to disagree.
Point being is that all people are kind of terrible in their own ways, just some people never seem to acknowledge it, believing that they can do no wrong. The constant need to be only good drove me insane, I hated pretty much doing anything from wasting food to wasting air. I think that in order to get something, something must be taken first.
yeah long rant, I will literally forget what I just typed because of these stupid meds. I spent several minutes trying to spell upon as apond. So yeah, my brain is out of order until I get of these meds.
I don't honestly know why I haven't ctbed yet, probably just hesitation. I still feel lonely or useless most days. I think about it more when I see people in public, they make it look so easy.
It's very weird to say this, and I might be just crazy. But it helps me to not set any expectations to anything I do.
At this point, I am okay with being a horrible person. Pretty stupid right? And it makes me realize the flawed nature of humans, how we as a species are selfish.
How we spend most of our lives working, and trying to get better, getting more money.
It makes me considered a failure to not be able to do these things, and I think that as well. Even the slightest amount of stress makes be want to ctb.
But in the grand scheme of things, we will all die eventually so it kind of doesn't matter. I know that I a terrible person, but throughout the years, I noticed that successful people are terrible in their own way.
In order to rise higher in status, someone has do move down. When I see homeless people on the street, all of them just drive by in their shiny new cars. It doesn't matter whether they give money or not, it's acting like homeless people exist. Living all in their little bubbles and knowing they will do something great to change the world.
But is it really a better change in the world? When our actions of "greatness" is slowly killing everthing around us? When what I have is built upon the skeletons of other humans?
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. This is just how I cope so it's perfectly okay to disagree.
Point being is that all people are kind of terrible in their own ways, just some people never seem to acknowledge it, believing that they can do no wrong. The constant need to be only good drove me insane, I hated pretty much doing anything from wasting food to wasting air. I think that in order to get something, something must be taken first.
yeah long rant, I will literally forget what I just typed because of these stupid meds. I spent several minutes trying to spell upon as apond. So yeah, my brain is out of order until I get of these meds.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,978
It sounds like you are suffering a lot, it must be so unbearable. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I hope you find relief from your pain.
