Man, no one tell you what you're going to, or not going to, feel. How could they? You'd have to find someone who shot themselves and survived to tell you that. And even that wouldn't be accurate because they survived. I hope you know what you're doing - shooting at the right location, right gun, right ammo - all of that. I'll tell you this that I'm not a proponent of taking a handgun and shooting myself in the side of the head. I just feel it's too risky. There have been a lot of survivors doing it this way. It's takes so much force to squeeze the trigger, and when you couple that with the anxiety you're bound to have, it just makes it that much more likely for a small flinch, and then, all of a sudden, you're missing by just a small amount that "lethal zone", and only end up a vegetable, or paralyzed, or something less than dead. The only way I'd ever use a firearm is with a shotgun blast into my mouth and blowing out the entire back of my skull. But, it's your life and, consequentially, your death, so you need to do what is right for you. I wish you good luck and that you get to that elusive peace you've been seeking.