Venting Please let me use this thread for self-involved whining

[odette]

Please let me use this thread to scream out into the world what I am desperately yearning to scream out all the time.

Worthless worthless worthless. It's unbelievable that anything could be so worthless as me. Everyone is sick and disgusted that I exist. Anyone who isn't sick and disgusted is indifferent. No one will ever help me because I am worthless an deserve to die. Of course no one is going to hug me or comfort me or support me because everyone wishes I would just be wiped clean off the face of the earth. They are disgusted that such a worthless pile of garbage would ask them for help.

I deserved to be punished. I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it. That's what I get for asking for help! It serves me right. Imagine having a worthless pile of disgusting garbage asking you for help. How dare I ask for help? How can anyone be so selfish? How do I have such an enormous ego? Absolutely revolting. The only good thing I could possibly do for anybody is kill myself as soon as possible.

 

[First loss]

Are you okay man? We can talk if you want.

 

[Sickman75]

Please let me use this thread to scream out into the world what I am desperately yearning to scream out all the time.

Worthless worthless worthless. It's unbelievable that anything could be so worthless as me. Everyone is sick and disgusted that I exist. Anyone who isn't sick and disgusted is indifferent. No one will ever help me because I am worthless an deserve to die. Of course no one is going to hug me or comfort me or support me because everyone wishes I would just be wiped clean off the face of the earth. They are disgusted that such a worthless pile of garbage would ask them for help.

I deserved to be punished. I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it. That's what I get for asking for help! It serves me right. Imagine having a worthless pile of disgusting garbage asking you for help. How dare I ask for help? How can anyone be so selfish? How do I have such an enormous ego? Absolutely revolting. The only good thing I could possibly do for anybody is kill myself as soon as possible.

I don't think your worthless

 

[21Neberg]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low, I recognize it. How are you coping with it? You clearly need to calm down before you do anything to harm yourself; although that's hypocritical coming from me.

I cope with anxiety attacks in a couple of ways, maybe they help you too:
-working out is a great way of focusing on one thing, and then being too tired to do anything at all. It usually results in a great, deep sleep too. (Bonus points for death simulation!!)
-blasting music is also great, as sometimes the music is loud enough to suppress all thoughts in the brain. As my hipster uncle would say, "ride the waves, bro!"

Also, there's one thing you shouldn't do. Cutting yourself is such a horrible deceiving method of coping, because it becomes incredibly addicting. I went through a period of daily cutting, and those scars are barely healing to the point that I'm afraid I may have permanent scars. Besides that constantly wearing long sleeves and hiding your body isn't fun either.

 

[odette]

Thank you thank you thank you. I can't believe the kindness and compassion I see on this forum. It blows my mind.

 

[odette]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low, I recognize it. How are you coping with it? You clearly need to calm down before you do anything to harm yourself; although that's hypocritical coming from me.

I cope with anxiety attacks in a couple of ways, maybe they help you too:
-working out is a great way of focusing on one thing, and then being too tired to do anything at all. It usually results in a great, deep sleep too. (Bonus points for death simulation!!)
-blasting music is also great, as sometimes the music is loud enough to suppress all thoughts in the brain. As my hipster uncle would say, "ride the waves, bro!"

Also, there's one thing you shouldn't do. Cutting yourself is such a horrible deceiving method of coping, because it becomes incredibly addicting. I went through a period of daily cutting, and those scars are barely healing to the point that I'm afraid I may have permanent scars. Besides that constantly wearing long sleeves and hiding your body isn't fun either.

I won't do anything spontaneous to harm myself, but thank you for your concern there. I'm someone who plans things out long term.

I can't find a way to cope with it. It has been building up for the past few years. The only thing that provides any solace is if someone cares about me and provides some comfort and affection. There have been a few fleeting moments where that happened a little bit, but they are so few and far between.

I just got out of the psych ward and it was sheer terror there. It's the third time in my life I've been in a situation of utter terror and every single time, everyone shrugs their shoulders and leaves me to my fate. I'm in utter panic since I got out. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm jumping out of my skin at every noise. I keep feeling like one of the psych ward staff is coming at me all the time now. It's all my own fault and nobody has any responsibility to help me and the staff are just doing their job as effectively as they can. I can't find anything that makes the panicking stop as long as I'm alone. And the fact that I'm alone and no one is willing to help me says so much about me and how much I deserve to die.

 

[Fallen bad23]

You are a good person, you are far from worthless for sure. The world won't be better after your gone it would have lost a genuine loving person. I know how you must be feeling right now but I can assure that you have an amazing spirit. Try to draw, paint, knit, cook,bake, read, swim, exercise, sing or dance. Search for a way so you ease your level of stress. Know that you are respected and loved on this forum :)