Oh sweetheart I am so glad you have shared how you are feeling with us here. Of course you are not a bad person, you cant help the raw deal of cards that life has dealt you. Choices get taken away from us along the way and things happen we have no control over and its horrid and life changing.
I know that feeling/urge so well about just wanting not to be here a second longer and just having peace and yet another minute has gone by, then an hour and a day. But I am still here and so are you. Is it a bad thing I am still here? Well no, because if I wasn't I wouldn't have seen your post and wouldn't be relying to it. So I would say that you are still here for a reason.
The NHS sadly is not what it was set up to do all those years ago, its badly run and over stretched and going from bad to worse. There have been so many messed up people over the years because of them, although they do great things too.
You say you want someone to help you end your life and not strong enough to plan it or go it alone. Firstly I would say share with us here more about how you are feeling, something like contemplating and going through with ending your life isn't something to rush into, even though its often the only way we think we can cope. Do lots of research into it all, ask questions here, get advice, there are some very knowledgeable people on here and we are all suffering in one way or another. Also give yourself a break, try and be kind to yourself. I know that is very hard, but just something small, even if its just treating yourself to something you enjoy to eat or wearing a favourite jumper or lighting a candle to relax by.
Most importantly you are not alone. The real world is a scary place and I feel isolated too, to a deep degree, on here I feel like I have support which I lack anywhere else. So I urge you to come on as often as you like and just do what feels right, noone is here to judge and reading other peoples posts and advice is incredibly helpful in itself. You take care and remember we are here.