PLEASE HELP, VERY ANXIOUS

[IWantToSleep]

I had SN and got 2gm of propranolol yesterday, I had a massive anxiety attack in the evening, couldn't eat more than one meal, tossing and turning in bed, barely any sleep, my heart feeling like it was going crazy.

I've had issues with alcohol in the past and maybe the trigger for the panic was thinking 'what if you took the propranolol on it's own in a blackout and injured yourself?'. Idk how realistic me doing that is or me having a heart attack or stroke from taking it.

So I started thinking, 'should I throw my ctb stuff away?, maybe it's making me more anxious having it and not using it immediately, it's not like the hotels are open around here yet to ctb anyway' then I started getting even more anxious about what if I throw them away and can't get them again, I've been thinking of ctbing for a while but I've never been as close as this, so maybe its the realisation that it's not just an idea, it's getting closer.

I've had terrible anxiety for years which is the main reason I want to ctb, but it looks like my anxiety wants to potentially mess that up too by making me throw my stuff out.

I'm thinking of trying to go to a psych hospital or something right now because I'm so anxious, I've never been before and I don't know if I'll even be allowed in.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO GUYS, I CAN'T ENDURE THIS ANXIETY BUT IT'S CONTROLLING ME AND I DON'T WANT TO POSSIBLY LOSE MY ONLY SHOT AT CTBING AND HAVE TO LIVE WITH ANXIETY AND PANIC FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THERE'S TOO MUCH SUFFERING AND I CAN BARELY DO ANYTHING BUT I WANT IMMEDIATE RELIEF NOW SOMEHOW.

 

[TooConscious]

The panic is SI making you believe this is your only shot... Knowing you will family therefore trapping you here. But this is a THOUGHT and you will overcome this even if you don't succeed as you wish this will not last.
Can you look at it as you have obtained the stuff so your exit is there. Don't rush into things because that's when mistakes happen. Panic is shit its designed for fighting animals with big fucking teeth away but unfortunately we are stuck with it in this shit hole where you're not allowed to use it properly or you go to prison so it directs inwardly and destroys us which is the flaw of this sick species.
Good luck buddy

 

[RedHarlequin]

About the propranolol- unless you take the 2 g all at once propranolol is pretty harmless. Doctors also prescribe it for shaky hands, stage anxiety etc. That is if you take 80mg

 

[mineko]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can really sympathize because I have horrible anxiety and panic and as I think more about making concrete preparations, including ordering something, I'm getting more anxiety and panic. Your body feels danger and is trying to protect you, although it feels like it is trying to kill you. I also feel the same way as often, including right now, I feel like my body is literally going to shake itself apart from all my stress and that I can't take anymore.

May I ask if you've tried to get help for your anxiety and panic? I don't think much of psychiatrists or meds. Ambien got me to where I am now. The only help I've received from the professionals that worked was EMDR for my PTSD. Sadly, it seems it was only temporary. Kava kava root traditionally prepared used to help a lot with my anxiety, but I'm guessing from my brain changes due to the ambien, it's not working very well anymore. Something else that has greatly helped me in the past are Claire Weeke's books on anxiety, panic and agoraphobia.

I wish I could do more to help you. But maybe knowing that someone else understands might help a tiny bit.

 

[IWantToSleep]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can really sympathize because I have horrible anxiety and panic and as I think more about making concrete preparations, including ordering something, I'm getting more anxiety and panic. Your body feels danger and is trying to protect you, although it feels like it is trying to kill you. I also feel the same way as often, including right now, I feel like my body is literally going to shake itself apart from all my stress and that I can't take anymore.

May I ask if you've tried to get help for your anxiety and panic? I don't think much of psychiatrists or meds. Ambien got me to where I am now. The only help I've received from the professionals that worked was EMDR for my PTSD. Sadly, it seems it was only temporary. Kava kava root traditionally prepared used to help a lot with my anxiety, but I'm guessing from my brain changes due to the ambien, it's not working very well anymore. Something else that has greatly helped me in the past are Claire Weeke's books on anxiety, panic and agoraphobia.

I wish I could do more to help you. But maybe knowing that someone else understands might help a tiny bit.

Thanks very much, I'm taking 75mg pregabalin/lyrica twice daily, I don't know if it does anything or not but if I haven't gone to the hospital or something over the weekend I can pick it up again on Monday, I couldn't get it yesterday so I don't have any right now.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Just stop for one second and try and think (I know it's one of those annoying things people say and it never helps or works but bear with me!)

having it there does not mean you need to use it right now. Put it somewhere safe and focus on the thought that you now have it as a back up. realistically - if you don't CTB today - does it matter? There is always tomorrow. And you will know when the time is right if that is what you choose to do.

that then means you will have more time to process your concerns and see the threads on here from those who were successful if that is what you truly want.

there is nothing wrong with going to try and get help from a hospital today - the option will always be there if you put it somewhere safe.

 

[mineko]

Thanks very much, I'm taking 75mg pregabalin/lyrica twice daily, I don't know if it does anything or not but if I haven't gone to the hospital or something over the weekend I can pick it up again on Monday, I couldn't get it yesterday so I don't have any right now.

Are you taking that just for the anxiety or do you have another condition? Have you been on it a long time? I'm pretty sure that it can lead to withdrawals if you are physically dependent on it and miss a dose, just like benzos and z drugs.

As others have said, just having the SN doesn't mean you need to use it. But I'm having panics just thinking about ordering N so I guess I'm not one to talk. Sending lots of hugs!

 

[whywere]

Hi! Well lets start shall we? 1st) I am 65 years young, dumb not smart BUT one hell of a lot of life experience and 2 attempts. 2nd) Now with the 1st aspect said, YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT to everyone here and the world in general. 3rd) I feel so sorry for you as far as having anxiety problems, I have had A LOT of those type of issues through the decades. Throwing ideas out there for you, as far as I need YOU here with me and all of your global family, relax and regroup and sleep some and then formula what might help to stabilize the anxiety. For me through the decades when I get attacks of panic and/or anxiety, I generally take a walk, exercise is a good way for me to relax, ones brain produces natural "feel good" chemicals when one exercises (for me walking). Everyone know this as far as ctb is one and done, but there in again, I need YOU to be part of our global family here. I send you lots of hugs, smiles and SUPPORT. I also send you a beautiful sunny weekend to regroup, relax and the knowledge that you ARE loved and cared for here. Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[Carrotcake]

Can you store your kit in a safe place? Getting it out of sight might help to take your mind of things. I would personally not get rid of them, having my exit kit available is very important to me.

Remember you are in control here. You decide wether or not you use the items you have gathered. You can keep them without using them as long as you want.

 

[WornOutLife]

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much anxiety sucks.

Well, it seems you've realized that having the ctb stuff around is only making you feel worse so I think you should not have it with you for now.

Alcohol helps me to calm down too but you should only drink once or twice a week. Look at it as if it was a "reward"

And I dunno if this will help you but it really helped me to be less anxious. It's an 8 minute video about meditation without spirituality or silly music lol. Check it out!

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt