degeneratewaste
dressed for the grave.
- Aug 24, 2020
- 264
Hi, new user here. I don't really know how to start off on this stuff and I doubt anyone will really even read this but if you do, thankyou I guess.
I'm a 19 year old female from the UK who has been extremely miserable most of their life. I've hated existence since I was about 13 years old, and somehow it keeps spiralling to get worse and worse. I'm more suicidal than I've ever been and am now more than ever seriously looking into ending my own life.
This is mostly because I've been through enough fucked up shit in this short time, more than any normal person needs. I have clear parental issues and have gone through years of emotional abuse at their hands, and have been sexually assaulted several times at the hands of 3 people, and raped twice. The first time was a year and a half ago, I was meant to stand in court against the perpetrator (my ex boyfriend) last month, but he committed suicide the day before the trial was due to go ahead. I feel so guilty and upset for his family. The second time happened only a few days ago. Since then there have been several problems in my relationship as the person that did it has a fuck load of dirt on me that has come to light and my partner has been day drinking and making my life extremely difficult leaving me with almost nothing to turn to except for the familiar comfort of self harm, alcoholism and drugs. And of course, suicidal ideation.
I've bought a large stash of pills recently to have as backup for an overdose and I'm planning on consistently adding to it until it's big enough to kill me with no return. I'm new to all this stuff though. Any advice on methods, foolproof type stuff? I know this is really long and I doubt any of you will even care enough to read or even reply, but it's worth a stab in the dark since I have no one to talk to in real life without judgement or concern. Thanks
I'm a 19 year old female from the UK who has been extremely miserable most of their life. I've hated existence since I was about 13 years old, and somehow it keeps spiralling to get worse and worse. I'm more suicidal than I've ever been and am now more than ever seriously looking into ending my own life.
This is mostly because I've been through enough fucked up shit in this short time, more than any normal person needs. I have clear parental issues and have gone through years of emotional abuse at their hands, and have been sexually assaulted several times at the hands of 3 people, and raped twice. The first time was a year and a half ago, I was meant to stand in court against the perpetrator (my ex boyfriend) last month, but he committed suicide the day before the trial was due to go ahead. I feel so guilty and upset for his family. The second time happened only a few days ago. Since then there have been several problems in my relationship as the person that did it has a fuck load of dirt on me that has come to light and my partner has been day drinking and making my life extremely difficult leaving me with almost nothing to turn to except for the familiar comfort of self harm, alcoholism and drugs. And of course, suicidal ideation.
I've bought a large stash of pills recently to have as backup for an overdose and I'm planning on consistently adding to it until it's big enough to kill me with no return. I'm new to all this stuff though. Any advice on methods, foolproof type stuff? I know this is really long and I doubt any of you will even care enough to read or even reply, but it's worth a stab in the dark since I have no one to talk to in real life without judgement or concern. Thanks