Playing up more to people that 'know'/sabotage

[ConfusedClouds]

Anyone else find that if they try 'opening up' about their struggles, it ends up actually getting a ton worse?

Having tried to get a bit more understanding of my potential reactions, I've recently had a couple of times I've tried explaining to someone 'external' (e.g a course instructor). But generally I've found if I have told someone, I end up playing up and being even worse than if I had kept quiet and just tried to battle any reactions and tried keeping them hidden to myself. Get confused what is maybe subconscious/out of my control and what is me being lazy and failing to control consciously and appropriately. At least the course instructor was 'briefed' and so was able to respond in a suitable way for me. But I still question if I was better not mentioning anything.

Even with my therapist I often ended up having a 'tantrum' of sorts and/or freezing and/or sulking a load - wasting more and more of the short expensive time and then getting increasingly pissed off with myself and spiralling more.

 

[Ash]

Sucks, doesn't it.

I'm learning that I sometimes need to let people know that I struggle with my mental health and what impact it can have on that particular activity (e.g. I might have to step out for a few minutes if it gets busy, in which case please don't draw attention to me or put me on the spot) but I don't go into details with anyone who isn't in a position to help (e.g. trained in MH). In my experience, most people WANT to do help but don't know how and unintentionally say or do the wrong thing. I find I get on much better if I take relevant issues to the relevant people, just as with stuff like talking to a mechanic about the car but not the best way to repair the garden fence or whatever.

Hope you can find a way to communicate more effectively and manage your own reactions and emotions, even if it's a case of delaying them so you can get the best out of the time you have with your therapist, for example.

 

[Little_Suzy]

"Invisible illnesses" are an absolute joy! lol

Finding your tribe can help! Join group therapy with people who have the same disorders as you. You might also want to bring your family to therapy sessions so that the doctor can explain what you're going through, identify the triggers, and validate your suffering.

Avoid discussing your feelings of suicide with professors, as they may not have consented to such trauma dumping. Please contact your student disability office for academic accommodations; this is the best way your professor can help. If you ever need additional time to finish your assignments, be sure to stay up-to-date on your professors' policies regarding an Incomplete grade.

Academic accommodations and Incomplete grades are your best options for academic success while experiencing suicidal thoughts.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Thanks guys.

My big issue is that I don't know what my 'issues' are - I've not had any eureka moments and my therapist even admitted she couldn't work it out. So I don't really have words, and with the whole 'freezing' thing can make it more of a ballache to 'open up' and explain - I don't even know what words I'm trying to find/force out. Just such a jumble. I split from my therapist a week or so ago after she had been away for a couple weeks. Hence suddenly piping up here so much lately.

Even more confusing as I have had such mixed experiences in the past - been successful in some jobs, a lot of travelling inc solo backpacking, elite sport for a bit (alongside work), bit of a decent level 'jack-of-all-trades', heck I even have quite a full on academic degree. But then looking back each of these has memories that pop up of struggles I had - e.g resits at uni or frustrations on the sport pitch. But then everyone has these type of struggles. I think I liked travelling because of the language barrier and everything being reduced to being 'functional' - no real 'in depth' conversations.

Folk I meet go on about how 'great' I am - I seem to end up 'popular', yet then I feel like a total fraud with this confusing bubbling under - I try saying anything and its either dismissed with positivity about me or I go too far with negativity and the advice switches to 'speak to someone'.

I haven't properly spoken to a gp/doctor because when I tried they heard my functional background and just asked how long I wanted signed off work and if I wanted meds to 'get me back on my feet'.

Equally I've now isolated from friends and family and am moving around quite a lot. Somewhere around the nomadic/homeless borderline, renting a room atm but savings dwindling.

I don't know what the question is, nor what the possible answers are. And because (obviously) noone can make decisions etc for me, it comes back to me needing words for something I don't understand - and have got to my 30s with all sorts of 'cool' experiences. Which also adds to the spiralling/fraud where I probably should not be here moaning.