Planning to ctb

[micheal7271]

Tomorrow will be the day I choose wheater or not I am going to ctb. I am a student tomorrow is going to be the announcement of university entrance exam. If I don't get into uni tomorrow I am going to ctb, I feel that I don't pass the exam bcz I did poorly in the exam. This is the only path I can take, as this is the only possible way my parent can afford my education. My mom said that it's okay even if I don't make it but I knew deep down that she is going to be disappointed and ashamed of my failure, my grandpa and my grandma are going to shame me, maybe other people are going to shame me too as I did well in high school. I cannot take anymore mockery, my family is not the best I had always been my mom emotional punching bag, I fix my family problems, my family is really religious to the point I have to wear things I honestly hate and they shamed me even threaten to cut me off if I don't wear the things they want, and they think that only crazy people did therapy so never seek help. I never had vacation just so I can afford uni, I already sacrificed a lot for this exam, time, money, and health. Honestly I don't want to ctb, I want to try lots of things, I building a relationship, going to places I want to go, and try different style. I already acquired sn and I have domperidone for antiemetic.

I am so sorry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker

 

[derekWest]

You have so much pressure ! As in many cases, religious and poverty don't improve the situation.

You want to ctb for external causes.
So obviously, I hope that you will cancel your decision to ctb.

I don't have a magic wand. But I hope that it will get better for you.

Stay safe as you can.
.
Me too, I decided to make a choice between life and death.
I choose life because I thought that I have again some interesting things to do in my life. It was true.
I hope that you will see such good perspectives tomorrow and cancel tour ctb attempt to profit of your life as you can.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[darksouls]

I wish that everything will be better for you in your future

 

[Linda]

Tomorrow will be the day I choose wheater or not I am going to ctb. I am a student tomorrow is going to be the announcement of university entrance exam. If I don't get into uni tomorrow I am going to ctb, I feel that I don't pass the exam bcz I did poorly in the exam. This is the only path I can take, as this is the only possible way my parent can afford my education. My mom said that it's okay even if I don't make it but I knew deep down that she is going to be disappointed and ashamed of my failure, my grandpa and my grandma are going to shame me, maybe other people are going to shame me too as I did well in high school. I cannot take anymore mockery, my family is not the best I had always been my mom emotional punching bag, I fix my family problems, my family is really religious to the point I have to wear things I honestly hate and they shamed me even threaten to cut me off if I don't wear the things they want, and they think that only crazy people did therapy so never seek help. I never had vacation just so I can afford uni, I already sacrificed a lot for this exam, time, money, and health. Honestly I don't want to ctb, I want to try lots of things, I building a relationship, going to places I want to go, and try different style. I already acquired sn and I have domperidone for antiemetic.

I am so sorry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker

I don't think you should ctb in these circumstances. If you don't get into university, you should look for another way forward in life. You will find one.

 

[micheal7271]

Update:
I passed the exam, I got into one of the top 10 uni in my country, the 2nd best engineering uni in my country, into a very lucrative major. However now I felt even more suicidal than before. I feel guilty to my mom I feel that I am a burden to my mom, tbf I always felt like this ever since elementary school, I felt that by being born I am already a burden to her. She talked about how expensive my education is going to be, how much she will pay, and that if I work I have to give money to her whenever she ask for it. I think that I got into a wrong major as this wasn't the major I initially want, I choose it because there is higher chance I am going to get into this program. I felt even more depressed than before, I felt even more suicidal , and that I want to end all of this. I am burn out, tired and I have no support system. I am contemplating to ctb before August. Sometimes I just wish that I was born into a happy, economically secure family, and non religious family.

Thank you for reading this, I am so sorry for my grammar, I am not a native speaker

 

[derekWest]

Update:
I passed the exam, I got into one of the top 10 uni in my country, the 2nd best engineering uni in my country, into a very lucrative major. However now I felt even more suicidal than before. I feel guilty to my mom I feel that I am a burden to my mom, tbf I always felt like this ever since elementary school, I felt that by being born I am already a burden to her. She talked about how expensive my education is going to be, how much she will pay, and that if I work I have to give money to her whenever she ask for it. I think that I got into a wrong major as this wasn't the major I initially want, I choose it because there is higher chance I am going to get into this program. I felt even more depressed than before, I felt even more suicidal , and that I want to end all of this. I am burn out, tired and I have no support system. I am contemplating to ctb before August. Sometimes I just wish that I was born into a happy, economically secure family, and non religious family.

Thank you for reading this, I am so sorry for my grammar, I am not a native speaker

I'm sorry that this positive news can't be able to satisfy you. But I understand easily the pressure that you feel.

For me, I have "a lot" of money but I keep anxious about money problem (because, maybe I can loose my job). So I can't imagine me under the pressure that you have.
.
Where do you live ?

You have no therapists to see ? Or maybe chat gpt can help you if you don't care of confidentiality issues.
Others people here do it and it seems to work.