Planning stuff

[WorthlessTrash]

Contrary to what you may think, I am not referring to planning suicide.

Anyone apprehensive about planning to do things weeks or months in advance because at any moment the bus could arrive at the bus stop?

Like I have a card game competition I qualified for coming up in July, but I don't want to plan on going or book reservations for transportation or lodging or even look forward to it because I don't know if my time will come before then.

Anyone else feel the same?

 

[Bong-Hit-Transplant]

Yeah I see what you mean.

I gave up on setting exact dates a while ago, but now it just feels weird planning for the future at all when I don't even know whether or not I'll be there to see it. I don't want to be caught with my pants down because I didn't prepare for something, but it's hard to care about taxes or whatever when I'm practicing how to hang myself in my free time.

There's a couple things I want to get done, but after that, I'm just giving myself a couple months window to do it. Not setting an exact date or anything, just a few months where I'm not setting any obligations or plans. If I wake up one day and feel ready, I'll just do it then and there.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yeah I see what you mean.

I gave up on setting exact dates a while ago, but now it just feels weird planning for the future at all when I don't even know whether or not I'll be there to see it. I don't want to be caught with my pants down because I didn't prepare for something, but it's hard to care about taxes or whatever when I'm practicing how to hang myself in my free time.

There's a couple things I want to get done, but after that, I'm just giving myself a couple months window to do it. Not setting an exact date or anything, just a few months where I'm not setting any obligations or plans. If I wake up one day and feel ready, I'll just do it then and there.

Exactly right.

And planning these things is going to make me feel obligated to stick around, and I don't want that pressure.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Yes I'm apprehensive of committing to anything, even if in my head I know that should I go before something occurs it doesn't matter to me. Anxiety is nearly ever present for me now, so I'd like to minimize stress where I can, and it's so tiring planning things that others want. My sister was bothering me for months to come visit her and I never wanted to commit to go since I didn't want to be here and knew it would add more stress going (which it did). There's enough stress as it is, and it really does add on more feeling as if we're forced to be here for however much longer. I can really relate to what you wrote, I'm sorry you feel that way as well. Congrats on the competition you qualified for though.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yes I'm apprehensive of committing to anything, even if in my head I know that should I go before something occurs it doesn't matter to me. Anxiety is nearly ever present for me now, so I'd like to minimize stress where I can, and it's so tiring planning things that others want. My sister was bothering me for months to come visit her and I never wanted to commit to go since I didn't want to be here and knew it would add more stress going (which it did). There's enough stress as it is, and it really does add on more feeling as if we're forced to be here for however much longer. I can really relate to what you wrote, I'm sorry you feel that way as well. Congrats on the competition you qualified for though.

Appreciate congratulations and your time to replying :)

It felt nice at the time, but now everything I do feels in vain.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't plan anything. I don't have anyone to plan something with, anyway. Even of I did, I don't get any enjoyment from anything anymore, so what's the point?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I don't plan anything. I don't have anyone to plan something with, anyway. Even of I did, I don't get any enjoyment from anything anymore, so what's the point?

Agreeable. When you don't enjoy anything anymore, there's no point in doing it, much less caring about it.

 

[Hercules]

I can relate. I feel like I am stuck in limbo between life and death. I am not dead yet, but I am no longer living. It is hard to even get through a single day let alone make even small plans for the future. It feels like I am already dead, so nothing I do really matters anymore. Another thing is when I talk to someone or spend time with them I think that this is the last time I will see them or talk to them. When I go somewhere I think this is the last time I will get to come here, or the last time I can do this or that.

You could make plans to go if you want. Who knows where you will be in July. Your not obligated to go somewhere or do something just because you made plans to do so. When July comes, if you don't want to go you can always cancel at the last minute. If you decide you want to go, you can go. It sounds like fun. Of course if it will stress you out more, don't. You should do what you think is best for you.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I can relate. I feel like I am stuck in limbo between life and death. I am not dead yet, but I am no longer living. It is hard to even get through a single day let alone make even small plans for the future. It feels like I am already dead, so nothing I do really matters anymore. Another thing is when I talk to someone or spend time with them I think that this is the last time I will see them or talk to them. When I go somewhere I think this is the last time I will get to come here, or the last time I can do this or that.

You could make plans to go if you want. Who knows where you will be in July. Your not obligated to go somewhere or do something just because you made plans to do so. When July comes, if you don't want to go you can always cancel at the last minute. If you decide you want to go, you can go. It sounds like fun. Of course if it will stress you out more, don't. You should do what you think is best for you.

I'm afraid to look forward to things because I don't want it to distract me from my ultimate goal of catching the bus, if that makes sense. If I book my trip, I will feel obligated to make an attempt to look forward and go through with it

Really though, there is one place I would go before I CTB just to knock it off my bucket list or potentially have a life changing experience there that compels me to keep on living, but C19 is making it next to impossible to achieve this

 

[outrider567]

Contrary to what you may think, I am not referring to planning suicide.

Anyone apprehensive about planning to do things weeks or months in advance because at any moment the bus could arrive at the bus stop?

Like I have a card game competition I qualified for coming up in July, but I don't want to plan on going or book reservations for transportation or lodging or even look forward to it because I don't know if my time will come before then.

Anyone else feel the same?

No, there is absolutely nothing that I look forward to, there is nothing 'coming up' that I foresee will make me feel better in any way(only because she is not here to share things with)