Cannedbones
Sing me to sleep
- Mar 14, 2021
- 65
I've decided that my time has come.
I've been practicing partial hanging at home. With some sturdy rope I got from a jacket. It's been holding my weight well. I had it tied to the metal bar in my wardrobe.
However after much contemplation and since I'll be dead anyway, I decided not to ctb at home. I don't want my family to find me like this. I've successfully left home once when I was 15, though I had a failed attempt, what would stop me from leaving home now that I'm 21 and at least have some little money on me to make it as far away as possible and find a place to ctb. I've been fantasizing about my suicide for a while now and I'm planning it out now. I'm not sure if I thought everything out.
I don't know where else to share this. I know this is perhaps the only place that will ever understand me. I'm scared. I've always wanted to just disappear and it's time to try it again. I want to leave in the next couple of days. I can't really get much away since I live in a small country. But I really hope no one finds me or bother me. I'm thinking of spending one day on the beach, writing and admiring the sunset before heading to the mountains where I'll admire the starry sky once or twice before I find a nice place where I can hang myself on a tree. That's how I imagine it. I'd take a last look at the starry night sky before darkness consumes me. I know it won't go as smoothly planned and that I might have some obstacles along the way. Im not sure what to take with me in my backpack. My journey towards death might last a couple of days, probably 3 or 4 or less or more. I'm not sure. So I was thinking a blanket, my ropes and whatsoever, my phone because I'll need to listen to some music, a notebook and a pen so I can write down my last final thoughts. Am I forgetting anything else? Did anyone try to ctb in nature /outside and failed? Does anyone have any tips? I really don't want to screw this up.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I've been practicing partial hanging at home. With some sturdy rope I got from a jacket. It's been holding my weight well. I had it tied to the metal bar in my wardrobe.
However after much contemplation and since I'll be dead anyway, I decided not to ctb at home. I don't want my family to find me like this. I've successfully left home once when I was 15, though I had a failed attempt, what would stop me from leaving home now that I'm 21 and at least have some little money on me to make it as far away as possible and find a place to ctb. I've been fantasizing about my suicide for a while now and I'm planning it out now. I'm not sure if I thought everything out.
I don't know where else to share this. I know this is perhaps the only place that will ever understand me. I'm scared. I've always wanted to just disappear and it's time to try it again. I want to leave in the next couple of days. I can't really get much away since I live in a small country. But I really hope no one finds me or bother me. I'm thinking of spending one day on the beach, writing and admiring the sunset before heading to the mountains where I'll admire the starry sky once or twice before I find a nice place where I can hang myself on a tree. That's how I imagine it. I'd take a last look at the starry night sky before darkness consumes me. I know it won't go as smoothly planned and that I might have some obstacles along the way. Im not sure what to take with me in my backpack. My journey towards death might last a couple of days, probably 3 or 4 or less or more. I'm not sure. So I was thinking a blanket, my ropes and whatsoever, my phone because I'll need to listen to some music, a notebook and a pen so I can write down my last final thoughts. Am I forgetting anything else? Did anyone try to ctb in nature /outside and failed? Does anyone have any tips? I really don't want to screw this up.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
