Discussion Planning CTB but I don't know what to do with my mother

[montanatype]

Well, she is really the only person who worries me how it ends, he has schizophrenia and until a few years ago she suffered from seizures, she is totally dependent on me
like psychologically, she is like a kid (I'm not saying she doesn't have some limbs, but this was always the case) but the truth is I don't think I can cope with the situation much longer.

As harsh as it may sound, I was planning to ask someone to leave a message with instructions on how to use the SN.

She will not be able to live without me, in my country, there is no money to pay for a nursing home, and in a psychiatric hospital the female patients are sexually abused and abandoned to their fate, in real life, more of the same, people are going to take advantage of her)


Before I thought about joining the police and at some point ending our suffering, but that's not going to happen, and I'm not going to kill her either lololol I'm not sick, She could possibly end up having a psychotic break if she finds out about my death, but really the most coherent option is the one I think

It's something I have to think about she has no family besides me

I don't know what I'm trying to do with this post but well...

 

[gothbird]

What you're describing is an impossible position. Being both someone's only lifeline and feeling like you're drowning in the process. That contradiction tears people apart. And no, it's not sick or selfish to admit that you're nearing your breaking point.

Your mother's vulnerability adds a layer of responsibility that most people can't even begin to understand. The idea that she would suffer further after your passing, that she'd be neglected, abused, or simply lost in a system that doesn't care, makes everything so much harder. You're not just thinking about your pain. You're thinking about hers, too.

But here's the hard truth, Montana. It's not your fault that there are no systems in place to protect her. That failure belongs to the world around you. You've already done more than most people ever could in your position.

If you are serious about CTB, then planning around your mother's care might have it be worth asking if there is there anyone—absolutely anyone—you trust to step in? A neighbour, an NGO, a social worker, someone who might not be perfect but could keep her from slipping through the cracks? Sometimes even just leaving detailed instructions, ID numbers, and contact info in a clear place can make a difference.

Whatever happens, I see how much you care. That love, even when tangled in exhaustion, is so fucking rough.