Venting Planning an impulsive attempt at suicide soon

[Josef2000]

Hi,

I'm Josef. I'm 20 years old from Ireland.

I work as a care assistant in a nursing home. I have a family of 5, 2 brothers and both parents.

I've been raped many times, bullied, attempted suicide, self harm and issues with gender/sexuality,

I don't have any hope for my future. I have a dead end job which I no longer love. I have depression, insomnia and BPD/EUPD. I don't have any education as I cannot commit to anything for a long period of time. I have no friends and my ex was my last friend that left me a year ago.
I believe I will not get better and so I plan to kill myself soon. I have a younger brother that I've been living for but I plan to end it no matter what. I truly believe this is the best option as medications, therapies and other treatments have failed.

I was on the waiting list for DBT but I feel it is too late for this.

The attempt;
I plan to get dressed, drink some more and pack a bag of my medication Quetiapine which I have 100s if not 1000s of. Then take these in a bag with some water, more alcohol and maybe some blades then leave the house. I am going to leave quietly as to avoid waking anyone and alerting them. I plan to head into the mountains and slowly pass away, probably in agony and covered in vomit but it means death.

My biggest challenges are overcoming my protective factors eg my family's reaction to my death as well as alerting the police/authorities to my location which will decrease my odds of suicide massively.

I will keep you update if you give a shit and if not then I wish you peace with your own life.

Take care for now, Joe

Will reply while I wait for my intoxication to take effect

 

[Deathbydemo]

I am so sorry. For once, I find myself at a complete loss for words. I care, so please keep us updated. Please make sure you are 100% sure about this. If you are, I truly wish you a peaceful as possible journey to the other side. I'm sorry for your life's suffering. I am so goddamn sorry. Sending love and peaceful thoughts to you.

 

[Josef2000]

I am so sorry. For once, I find myself at a complete loss for words. I care, so please keep us updated. Please make sure you are 100% sure about this. If you are, I truly wish you a peaceful as possible journey to the other side. I'm sorry for your life's suffering. I am so goddamn sorry. Sending love and peaceful thoughts to you.

I am truly grateful for your kind words. It means a lot to me at this time

 

[Deathbydemo]

Josef are you sure about this?

 

[Into The Void]

Sorry to hear about your issues, but this would give you a horrific death. Quetiapine isn't lethal even with alcohol. You'll likely starve to death for 2 to 3 weeks if you don't find help.

 

[Josef2000]

I'm too drunk to reply. Starving it is then. I understand the excrutatjong pa in this will bring and I have brought blades for this reason. I have many more methods. Maintenance trains, jumping, drownin. I will succeed

 

[Deathbydemo]

I'm still watching this thread. Please know that you are not alone. I understand you might be too drunk to respond, and that's okay. Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts.

 

[Josef2000]

I appreciate w what you saod. I can see your text but it's hard to understand but I've taken 700mg so far. Now to leave for a few hours and take more and so on. Thankyou for enjoying the show

 

[Deathbydemo]

Are you still with us?

 

[Marktheghost]

It's not going to work. Please don't do it. Try jumping instead or something. But make sure you research it first and make sure you jump from the right height etc.

 

[Josef2000]

It failed. Will update you all when I'm much more sober and aware.
I haven't given up though as I do plan to kill myself real soon once I get the energy.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Josef, I am glad to see you are still with us. My first thought this morning when I woke was about you, and how your plan went. Let us know how you are feeling when you're able to. Sending love.

 

[Josef2000]

Hi guys. So it's Friday night I believe. I went into hospital Thursday morning and didn't wake up til Friday morning so I'm very confused and I don't remember much except the police coming as usual.

woke up very nauseous with a drip on my arm. I noticed I cut myself whenever that was. Nothing serious. I spoke with the mental health team this morning and they decided that I'm safe to go home. They asked what support I would like and told me I already have support such as family and the mh team.

I feel incredibly stupid, not for attempting but for not doing it correctly.

I may update soon on another possible attempt once I've done more research. Will need to be more quiet though as the police were alerted somehow
By the way Thankyou all for your concerns and kind words during this time. I'm going to find a new method. Possibly exanguination or night night method.

 

[WornOutLife]

Hi guys. So it's Friday night I believe. I went into hospital Thursday morning and didn't wake up til Friday morning so I'm very confused and I don't remember much except the police coming as usual.

woke up very nauseous with a drip on my arm. I noticed I cut myself whenever that was. Nothing serious. I spoke with the mental health team this morning and they decided that I'm safe to go home. They asked what support I would like and told me I already have support such as family and the mh team.

I feel incredibly stupid, not for attempting but for not doing it correctly.

I may update soon on another possible attempt once I've done more research. Will need to be more quiet though as the police were alerted somehow
By the way Thankyou all for your concerns and kind words during this time. I'm going to find a new method. Possibly exanguination or night night method.

I had posted that quetiapine OD was a bad idea because it wouldn't kill you but I just read your answer.
I'm glad to hear you're still with us.
Just try to have a better plan for the next time. Have you checked the resources section? There's lot of info there and you might a suitable method for you there.
Here's the link:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

 

[TriggerHappy]

welcome back.
wow - i just caught up with your thread and can understand how tricky things must be for you: i'm experienced enuff to know how hectic everything seems when it's not going right / nothing makes sense...
whatever happens - don't add the self-loathing & criticism to the mix :: yeah you didn't get it right and loads will change & you'll feel weird & judged and stupid... (& you will judge yourself the harshest i bet?!)
but it's like a shamanic experience & you must learn from it (whatever that is it will reveal itself to you...trust that) whatever they say - maybe it wasn't meant to happen at this time..?
learn from past actions and perfect your method (if that's indeed what you want) surviving with mental-incapacity where you have to be minded should scare you because of your profession; no?! that's the only thing that scares me - have survived too many (accidental) o.d's have strong constitution (a gym-bunny smack-head; have you ever!) see; we are all contradictions...
be patient with yourself - it's gonna. be weird & fuzzy & strangely detached (watch your stomach lining the liquor & meds & your anxiousness will have fuck'd it up)
i'm counting the days to get the courage to do it myself - you are braver than cowardly 'lil me!
we will love you till you love yourself.
you have been warned!! XM!GS

 

[Deathbydemo]

Glad you are able to update us, Josef. How are you feeling? I'm sorry it didn't go as planned. I'm sure you are disappointed, but take it as a lesson learned to seek out a more reliable method, or whatever you choose. It's also okay to choose to stay. The decision is yours. Here to listen and support in any way I can. Sending love.

 

[Josef2000]

Thankyou all so much for your support.
I do feel that realising and being in my logical mindstate that an overdose of Quetiapine isn't the right answer. I feel that exanguination may be a better method although i am unable to find anything about it. I hear it's painful but after self harming for many years and getting glue, staples and stitches I am well dealt to handle pain. I believe my biggest problem with that will be clotting and getting caught.

I understand many pass out and eventually stop bleeding due to clots so I have to overcome that. I was found by the police I believe so getting caught is another thing.

I may try the alcohol again as that had helped before although it may mess things up, I'm not sure.
For now though it's back to self harming while I figure this all out