Lifeispointless
Death is inevitable
- Oct 29, 2021
- 18
About a month ago my life was perfectly fine. I had a good job, me and my girlfriend were about to celebrate our 4 year anniversary, and I was going to college full time studying for a good career. I'm not trying to brag or anything but every day I would wake up and be grateful for the life I had because I knew how cruel the world was. Well apparently the universe just decided to take a huge shit on my life. The first week of October the police show up at our door and they have an arrest warrant to search our house. I'm not going to go into detail about it but long story short I'm the one that ends up going to jail. I'm placed in a holding cell for 16 hours without any food or anything to put water in. I'm finally taken to a pod with 20 other people after the 16 hours. I'm in there for about a day and my parents bond me out of jail. The first week I got out of jail was the worst emotional rollercoaster I've ever been on. I think I cried that week more than I ever have in my life. I would hold my girlfriend and we would cry for 20 minutes at a time. It was horrible. A few days after that first week my girlfriend said she wants to take a break and I was pretty torn about it but I understood because everyone was traumatized. She went to move back in with her parents because we were living with my parents at the time. After a week I tell her that I miss her and I don't get a text back for a few days. Turns out she blocked me. I haven't heard from her since and all I want to know is if she's moved on. It's killing me, she was the love of my life. I haven't done any of my college work because of how depressed Ive become. Plus I sort of lost my job but I have an interview set up to get my old job back but I don't plan on making it. So I went from having everything to having nothing in a matter of weeks. I'm facing prison time for something I didn't fucking do. And I can't get the case dropped unless they find evidence that I didn't do it even though they don't have evidence that I did do it (that's the US justice system for you). All I've done since I got out of jail is lay in bed and watch YouTube. It's the only thing I can use to decompress. Jail was so traumatic that I barely eat or drink anymore. I've developed severe depression. I just can't do this anymore. All of this shit and I'm only 18 years old. I've never done anything in my life to get in trouble or do anything to hurt anyone. I used to love people and I always wanted to make a good impression to everyone I meet. Now I see that the world is a cold place where no one gives a shit about you. What's ironic is before all of this happened and before I found this website I was against people killing themselves. But now I see that if people really dont have a way out then they should be given an option of euthanasia. I mean some people in this world live in pain whether it be physically or mentally and some just have no escape. It's sad. Ive never felt more alone and stuck in my life. I have nowhere to go and I have no one. I've had some pretty bad hardships in my life but this is just fucking ridiculous. I don't know what I did to deserve this but it must have been really bad. I always tried to be a good person and I always tried to be good to other people but I guess that wasn't enough. Ever since I got out of jail I've been researching suicide because I knew it was my only option to escape this hell. I tried several different methods and I've been pretty nervous and I learned something new about myself that I didn't even know. I'm afraid of death, or at least I was. I don't know why but yesterday something in me snapped and now I'm determined to kill myself no matter what. I don't care how painful it is I just want it to end. I would rather be dead than go to fucking prison and have my reputation ruined. At first I wanted a peaceful painless death but now I just don't care. I think I'm slowly going insane. I'm sorry to everyone on here that is suffering. No one deserves to suffer. Our fucked up world is cruel. I'm sorry that this was so long but I just had to get this shit off my chest somewhere. And I might as well leave my story behind somewhere. And for anyone that saw my post this morning I'm sorry about that. I was messing with the thing where you post a thread in the future and I thought I was going to be dead by then. But tonight I'm sure I'll be gone. I'm going to do partial and hopefully fall asleep forever. This community is wonderful. It gave me hope that this world isn't completely fucked. Everyone here is so warm and welcoming. I'll see you all on the other side.
To top all that off my mom got diagnosed with cancer a few months ago so that's nice.
To top all that off my mom got diagnosed with cancer a few months ago so that's nice.
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