Koppite
Member
- Aug 6, 2021
- 55
So I bought some N from A a couple of years back and it's been in my fridge in England ever since.
Unfortunately, that fridge now belongs to my ex gf as I moved to Thailand and left her the flat. When we broke up, she promised she'd post it to me when the time came. Now the time has come, she says she won't. (She will, however, give it to a friend to post to me. Somehow, in her mind, this is morally easier than to post it herself .)
However, both of the only two friends I could realistically ask to do this have now said that they, too, cannot bring themselves to post it.
I understand their moral quandary and I am not going to try and persuade them as I believe it's just as much their right to refuse to help someone CTB as it's everyone's right to CTB.
Nonetheless, although *theoretically* I support their freedom of choice and accept their decision, if I'm honest I'm fucking pissed off. I've never asked for any favours in all the years we've known each other and they know full well that their choice will rob me of my (long-known) decision to die in a manner of my own choosing.
As N seems virtually impossible to get in 2021, I'm now considering SN as it's easy to buy here and I can get meto without too much problem. However, this is very fucking far from what I planned and I paid for and it's very much an unwished for conclusion, as I don't relish the process of death via nitrites.
Anyway the point of this vent is that, despite me understanding their refusal to help and respecting their right to do so, it's simultaneously infuriating and upsetting that these three people, to whom I'm closest in the world, are, in effect, OK that I die in far more distress than necessary.
(I can't police what your responses will be but ask that, if possible, they are sympathetic to my need to vent to people who might understand this unusual situation - rather than telling me I'm a bad person to feel this resentment and hurt. I already feel that way.)
Unfortunately, that fridge now belongs to my ex gf as I moved to Thailand and left her the flat. When we broke up, she promised she'd post it to me when the time came. Now the time has come, she says she won't. (She will, however, give it to a friend to post to me. Somehow, in her mind, this is morally easier than to post it herself .)
However, both of the only two friends I could realistically ask to do this have now said that they, too, cannot bring themselves to post it.
I understand their moral quandary and I am not going to try and persuade them as I believe it's just as much their right to refuse to help someone CTB as it's everyone's right to CTB.
Nonetheless, although *theoretically* I support their freedom of choice and accept their decision, if I'm honest I'm fucking pissed off. I've never asked for any favours in all the years we've known each other and they know full well that their choice will rob me of my (long-known) decision to die in a manner of my own choosing.
As N seems virtually impossible to get in 2021, I'm now considering SN as it's easy to buy here and I can get meto without too much problem. However, this is very fucking far from what I planned and I paid for and it's very much an unwished for conclusion, as I don't relish the process of death via nitrites.
Anyway the point of this vent is that, despite me understanding their refusal to help and respecting their right to do so, it's simultaneously infuriating and upsetting that these three people, to whom I'm closest in the world, are, in effect, OK that I die in far more distress than necessary.
(I can't police what your responses will be but ask that, if possible, they are sympathetic to my need to vent to people who might understand this unusual situation - rather than telling me I'm a bad person to feel this resentment and hurt. I already feel that way.)
