Venting physical manifestions of suffering

[sickgirlzis]

i always have felt strange or invalid compared to other depressed/suicidal people because I never had physical 'proof' of my sadness. ive never even been diagnosed with anything, so I just feel like im existing with things j suspect, some things im sure of, but i can never feel valid. some type of imposter syndrome, I think that's what it is.

i've always been wondering if people would bother getting me help if I cut myself or visibly had an eating disorder. because for the most part, no one in my life cared to get me help for my trauma. i don't even have that symptom of keeping my room messy, because I despise messes and even tho I'm lazy as crap I try to keep stuff in order (probably has something to do with my autism.)

sometimes I wish i had physical proof of my problems so people would take me seriously. im the type of person to brush things off and people think I'm fine because I'm so positive, empathetic, and helpful, but I'm not fine. on the inside I'm suffering quite badly.

people don't care until you're dead. maybe they don't even care when you're actively suffering, when you get put in the hospital, when you're being abused, when you're heavily depressed. I don't get why people would not care about people suffering this way.

I don't like blaming others, but because of other people's lack of care, I just straight up guilt trip and attention seek so people will worry about me. it sucks :( I feel like an awful person because of it. life is hard.

 

[hopeless08]

You're right a lot of times if people don't see you in any physical pain, they think you're fine. Emotional pain can be just as bad as physical pain. Have you ever tried to speak to someone in your surroundings to let them know you are not doing well because if you don't say anything and put on a fake smile ( which by the way is the harshest thing to do when you're in so much emotional pain) people are going to automatically assume you're ok. If you want someone in your family to know that you're hurting and can possibly get you some help, it wouldn't hurt to let them know.
I wish you the best

 

[anhedonya]

i always have felt strange or invalid compared to other depressed/suicidal people because I never had physical 'proof' of my sadness. ive never even been diagnosed with anything, so I just feel like im existing with things j suspect, some things im sure of, but i can never feel valid. some type of imposter syndrome, I think that's what it is.

i've always been wondering if people would bother getting me help if I cut myself or visibly had an eating disorder. because for the most part, no one in my life cared to get me help for my trauma. i don't even have that symptom of keeping my room messy, because I despise messes and even tho I'm lazy as crap I try to keep stuff in order (probably has something to do with my autism.)

sometimes I wish i had physical proof of my problems so people would take me seriously. im the type of person to brush things off and people think I'm fine because I'm so positive, empathetic, and helpful, but I'm not fine. on the inside I'm suffering quite badly.

people don't care until you're dead. maybe they don't even care when you're actively suffering, when you get put in the hospital, when you're being abused, when you're heavily depressed. I don't get why people would not care about people suffering this way.

I don't like blaming others, but because of other people's lack of care, I just straight up guilt trip and attention seek so people will worry about me. it sucks :( I feel like an awful person because of it. life is hard.

Sorry for repeating your post like this! I'm on mobile so it helps me reference what you said.

What you're feeling is a very real issue for both mental and physical illnesses. I've been in the hospital/urgent care/emergency room dozens and dozens of times. Every time I went in for something like a panic attack making me feel unable to breathe or some other strange unseen thing, I got treated horrible. At best; I was treated like someone with an overactive imagination that everyone had to speak to as though I were stupid. At worst, I got lumped in as someone who just wanted drugs even though I have no history of such a thing.

The few times I've had to go for something that physically looked very wrong though, it's a complete 180. People are going out of their way to be nice to me, I'm getting free stuff, nurses treat me like their own children- it's crazy. A lot of people absolutely prioritize issues they can physically discuss, which is wrong. Seen and unseen issues can both cause great pain.

I'm sorry that no one made the effort for you, and I care about what you're going through. I can see you are in pain. It's very normal for bad habits to form due to trauma- take for example pathological lying. People term this as a sign that someone is a psychopath, but in reality, lying is EXTREMELY common in abused children for a multitude of reasons. I don't think you're a bad person, you just went through difficult things. It's not easy to come out of that and remain a perfect person that never says anything unhealthy to others. I don't believe attention seeking is real though, and what I mean by that is your need for attention is a very basic human feeling. A lot of people want to demonize it, but having social connections and feeling seen is an extremely integral part of human happiness for a majority of the population. Many people DO need attention on a visceral level and there's nothing wrong with that. We didn't evolve to be alone 24/7 and have no one care about us.

I hope things get better for you. For what it's worth, I believe you when you say you're suffering.