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HopelessScientist

Member
Jan 24, 2023
5
The problem I have is I exercise and meditate and my love for neuroscience keeps me going. I also have a loving family and partner and many friends.

These serve as obstacles for me and I cling onto them because I can't handle the pain and hopelessness of my life. They serve as a good distraction much like alcohol. I don't want to hurt anyone by dying but I just want the lifelong depression to end (been suffering since I was 7)

Is there a way I can ctb without cutting everyone and everything off?
 
jodes2

jodes2

Hello people ❤️
Aug 28, 2022
7,736
No, you need to come to terms with who/what you're cutting off. I couldn't do it in the end. I realised I just couldn't do it to my gf since I'm all she has. Thought about it for years. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and how long have you been trying meds/therapy? Sometimes all it takes to overcome depression is time and age. Not for everyone - and I'm truly sorry you're suffering, I know what deep depression is like, and how it robs you of your will to live, especially over extended periods. What are your main symptoms of depression? If I were you I'd write journals or posts detailing exactly what's keeping you here, and how significant each thing is. Why it's a problem. Go into real detail. Either you'll realise you simply need to stay and try and recover, or you'll realise it's ok to leave everything behind and CTB. It's also worth trying to be as realistic as you can about your chances of recovery, so you can balance all sides of the equation, suffering Vs recovery Vs what's keeping you here
 
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K

Kattt

Banned
May 18, 2021
796
This is one reason why I believe planning a definite date to execute your plans in advance, is a mistake.
When the time is right, you go to a place I call "The black pit of despair". It's a depressive state where all those things that normally play on your mind, such as loved ones, the impact on others, pets, unfinished business etc, don't exist. There's no space there for such matters.
I've known others describe a similar state of mind. In fact, after the event, I have no money at all from the entire day. Nothing.
I wonder if it might be disassociation that would lead to catatonia. This theory is based on my observation of inpatients.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,355
I just think that after all, only you know when it's the right time to leave this world and I don't think that you can really force yourself to feel a certain way. But anyway, in regards to leaving behind other people, the way that I see it is that whatever happens in this world after we are gone could never be our concern as we simply won't be there at that point.
Continuing to exist is just delaying the inevitable after all, and eventually we likely won't even exist in the memories of others, it's our fate to die and be forgotten about, and even if we don't ctb we will all have to die and lose everything someday, so therefore I could personally never feel bad about leaving others behind. Suicide is a personal decision after all, and existing is a choice not an obligation.
 
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Gustav Hartmann

Gustav Hartmann

Enlightened
Aug 28, 2021
1,084
The answer is in your question. The best precondition to overcome SI is to cutt everyone and everything off. No friends, no contact to family members, no job, no responsibility, no future, no interests only boredom. In my opinion it´s easier to bring yourself in such a situation in real life than to find "The black pit of despair" in your mind.
 
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