Personal Suffering

[moggedtodeath]

How do you cope with everyone having a more enjoyable life than you? I don't want you read, "Oh, well never judge a book by it's cover!" or shit like that. We both know there are others who are much better off. Whether that may be in friendship, career, relationship, take your pick.

But to have to come here and know you're going to end up ending it all soon while they are genuinely happy with the life they were given. Damn. It's just brutal.

 

[niiina]

I feel good about other people enjoying life, cause it shows happiness exists, not for me of course, but it does exists for someone else in this world and this is enough, this can't bring me out of my own misery of course but somehow it warms my heart.

 

[Kaczka86]

Having the same thoughts at the moment. Didn't find the answer yet and probably won't find it (and accept it) that quickly. All I can say for now, dear moggedtodeath, is that you're not the only one who feels this way. Life's fucking unfair, so unfair...

 

[CTB Dream]

Honest tuis point no care other how live not like concept life want ctb this suffer much

 

[Why Me?]

How do you cope with everyone having a more enjoyable life than you? I don't want you read, "Oh, well never judge a book by it's cover!" or shit like that. We both know there are others who are much better off. Whether that may be in friendship, career, relationship, take your pick.

But to have to come here and know you're going to end up ending it all soon while they are genuinely happy with the life they were given. Damn. It's just brutal.

Now that my reality has hit, I avoid having to see these kind of lives as much as I can. I am not a jealous person, and it's like good for them, but it shows me the life I could have had if it weren't for awful luck, and etc. I remind myself constantly why it has been much easier for them to succeed than me because of what I've been thru to not be unfair to myself, but I'm still left in turmoil. I also watch stories of people who have had terrible luck to, but it only helps so much, because it doesn't change my life and how unbearable it is. I don't think I will ever be able to cope without justice & happiness, that's why I've set a date for CTB. My terrible life could have been so easily prevented if it wasn't for what my immediate family did to me, and no one normal caring enough to really help me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally only envy dead people. I despise life in general. I don't want any kind of life, I just want to not exist and nothing could ever make me want to stay here. I don't find the thought of being alive to be appealing or desirable in any way. And even if someone appears to have a more preferable life now all that could quickly change for them. Any human could end up experiencing the worst pain possible and all that we are destined for as humans is to reach a very old age and then just deteriorate and slowly die. This could never be beneficial to me, in fact it sounds beyond horrifying so therefore suicide will always be the better option. If someone dies it removes the capacity for them to suffer and suffering is simply inevitable in life.

 

[Freebird4567]

I grew up in an abusive home and used to envy my friends who had loving parents who didn't beat them and shout at them , I used to pray to god most nights to wake up with a new family.
Im now in my 30s and haven't spoken to my family since I left home at 16, to this day I still envy those who have a loving family as that's all I've ever wanted.

 

[nopride86]

For every person that has a better life than me, there are many more that suffer more than me.

Somehow, being caught in the middle feels worse than either extreme.

I spent a lot of years in envy, there's just no energy left for that. It's better for what's left of the soul to just say "good for them" and move forward with the day. That was only possible for me to start doing, though, once I pushed everyone I knew away and stopped participating on social media. If I keep a distance from everything, it doesn't feel real enough to impact me.

That, and also the prospect of a timely death now makes everything else seem inconsequential. "So-and-so is enjoying their life? Great! I should be dead soon!" ; "There is so much suffering in this cruel world. Hopefully that means I'll be dead soon". The only thing that brings harm to me now is the notion of "soon"….because I can't seem to make it happen, or be in a situation that facilitates it.