"Permission" to give up

[Time_To_Die]

Does anyone else here have a sense of duty to try absolutely everything before killing yourself? For me, that's definitely been the biggest obstacle. I feel like I need permission of some sort before I die. Some seal of approval that death really is my last option. In fact, I think that's what led me to this forum - a desire to get away from the advice I've tried countless times, which is always parroted to the suicidal. The purpose, or at least the effect, of such advice seems to be to instill some grain of false hope for improvement. Whereas this forum doesn't rely on that (possibly) false notion that one's mental health can always improve.

Does anyone else get this feeling? Is this feeling - this need for "permission", or a confirmation that you have REALLY tried everything - what led you to this forum?

By the by, if you have had this feeling, have you discovered a way of getting over it?

A couple threads which mention this theme:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ike-i-need-my-parents-permission-to-ctb.3202/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/asked-my-mom-permission-to-ctb.15920/

 

[TimeToDie]

Hey, you took my name!

 

[Time_To_Die]

Hey, you took my name!

Sorry!

 

[TimeToDie]

I spent months obsessively going over & over the argument in favor of death. And, yes, I would have really liked for others to have agreed with me that my logic was clear and convincing. Obviously, nobody has been able to provide such confirmation, though I'm fully satisfied that my reasoning is rock solid. The last couple months have just been lingering till I finally get the energy & courage to finally take action.

 

[Time_To_Die]

I spent months obsessively going over & over the argument in favor of death. And, yes, I would have really liked for others to have agreed with me that my logic was clear and convincing. Obviously, nobody has been able to provide such confirmation, though I'm fully satisfied that my reasoning is rock solid. The last couple months have just been lingering till I finally get the energy & courage to finally take action.

I'm sorry to hear it's come to this point for you. Hopefully your suffering ends one way or another.

I totally get your point about building up courage. Humans have evolved to survive, it seems...

Have you spoken about your reasons to die with anyone in your life?

 

[RM5998]

I feel I need permission to CTB, but for a different reason... I need my parents to tell me that it's okay. Yeah, I'm still beholden to them in that sense.

 

[TimeToDie]

Have you spoken about your reasons to die with anyone in your life?

Yes, three people.

Person #1 She called the cops, which is why I'd advise everyone to shut up. She is a certified Pollyanna who makes herself feel good by comparing herself to the less fortunate. Since only one person in the world can be the absolute worst off, I guess that means that the other 7 billion+ are supposed to be overjoyed. Unfortunately, that "logic" doesn't work for me. Reality is that lots of people have lots of problems and the fact that some have even worse problems doesn't do a damn thing to help me.

Person #2 My best friend. She too got the complete & detailed list of reasons to CTB. She has brushed it off as she doesn't want to deal with it, which is understandable. I'm sure she thinks I've gotten over the suicidal ideation. She knows I made a will and she knows that she's the beneficiary, but somehow she didn't notice this was a sign of impending death. I will have to CTB outside so as to not damage the house she's to inherit.

Person #3 He's seen the whole list of reasons too and he's the most sympathetic to them as he almost killed himself back in 2013. He went as far as buying a used shotgun for $150. He agrees that I have many compelling reasons to die and he even suffers from many of the same issues as I do. The only counterargument that he can offer is that some new treatment might just come along. That "anything is possible" argument fails since it doesn't mean that anything is at all likely.

 

[DreamCatcher]

Trying everything might take a lifetime. So I would consider a good faith effort good enough. Look at the options, consider the odds that it'll improve and just make your plans.

If your only hope is for a "miracle" to improve your life I would say that most people would be better served by just leaving.

Both sides of my brain agreed that it's the best course of action. The emotional side doesn't want to suffer anymore, and the logical side doesn't see it improving. One of the few times in my life when I agree fully with myself. I don't need any more permission than that.

 

[TimeToDie]

Trying everything might take a lifetime.

Bingo! A reasonable effort is all that can be expected. We'd all die of natural causes if we had to literally try everything before checking out.

 

[Time_To_Die]

He agrees that I have many compelling reasons to die and he even suffers from many of the same issues as I do. The only counterargument that he can offer is that some new treatment might just come along. That "anything is possible" argument fails since it doesn't mean that anything is at all likely.

Yeah, that's about the extent of help that anyone can honestly give, unfortunately.

Trying everything might take a lifetime. So I would consider a good faith effort good enough. Look at the options, consider the odds that it'll improve and just make your plans.

If your only hope is for a "miracle" to improve your life I would say that most people would be better served by just leaving.

Both sides of my brain agreed that it's the best course of action. The emotional side doesn't want to suffer anymore, and the logical side doesn't see it improving. One of the few times in my life when I agree fully with myself. I don't need any more permission than that.

There's a certain cold truth in here. In any other pursuit in life, people are really only expected to make a serious effort. When it comes to suicide, anyone who hasn't been able to improve their station in life is supposed to muster superhuman levels of determination. With regards to your own decision, I really do hope that things end well for you, however "well" might be defined.

 

[RM5998]

There's a certain cold truth in here. In any other pursuit in life, people are really only expected to make a serious effort. When it comes to suicide, anyone who hasn't been able to improve their station in life is supposed to muster superhuman levels of determination.

I don't see why a person who wishes to commit suicide needs to justify it by their own experience of trying to get better. They should be allowed to learn from the experiences of other people to make a decision for themselves. Isn't there a saying about wisdom being the ability to learn from the mistakes of other people?

 

[not_a_robot]

nah. The shittiness of my life speaks for itself and as for the ppl who don't understand, I don't care. Nobody else's business.

 

[262653]

Does anyone else here have a sense of duty to try absolutely everything before killing yourself?

Only if I would consider suicide to be the worst possible solution by whatever criterions I'd have, but I'm not.
It's probably my second option from the top, with living imaginary (you know what I mean, please don't dig deep into philosophy) world being the toppest.
What I really need is an emotional surge to execute the plan. Pride, envy and jealousy would help me with that.

I can't remember myself seeking permission. I'm kind of a late bloomer, I've become suicidal during my 17th year here and my birthday wish still stays the same.

I wouldn't apply here the words like "give up" and "hopeless". I'm very hopeful that death would relieve my from constant hunger and oppression.
And whether you "give up" or not depends on where you stand. Submitting to the urge to live would also mean giving up suicidality, not to mention it has negative connotation for me. "Submitting is a sign of weakness and I don't want to be a weakling because of undesirable consequences that would imply, like having my wants to get overridden by opposing forces. I want to get what I want, so I don't want to submit." I apply it to suicide and *bam!* it becomes undesirable.

Getting rid off conflicting wants seems like a plausible solution to me now when I think of it... My pride wouldn't allow it though.

 

[lostdiamond]

I guess yes and no, the choice to live or die is yours, do whatever makes you happy and for what reasons.

I have so much stuff going on in my life that only one family member knows about it, obviously if I told anyone else without the details I want to ctb they would be like noooo whhy would you ever, don't you dare you have so much to live for rah rah rah...

However telling my Aunty all the full details of what I've been through her opinion was that it is my choice she would understand if I want to die but even still, I should exhaust all options (find extremely specialist help, try every different med under the sun) in order to try and deal with my issues and find happiness in life.

Idk does anyone else even really matter? Yes and no if youve passed, your not going to be here to care or experience how anyone else feels about it anyway so I guess it's just making peace with your own ctb journey and being okay with that how it could affect them whilst your deciding to go through with it.

 

[Darkhaven]

No.
The body is mine and so is the life within it.
I can end it anytime i want.
That being said: of course i will try everything in my power in order to try and not have to kill myself not matter how hard that can be.
But should i decide it's not worth it then i will do it. Absolutely no "permission" is required. Unless you are trying to obtain a positive verdict on a voluntary suicide process. In that case you need the doctors consent.

 

[SinisterKid]

Pro choice means just that. I dont need or want anyones permission, not at my age. i had no choice in how or when I can into this world, the same will not hapen when I leave this world.

 

[throwaway123]

I still have this unrealistic hope for this one person. I wish I could just let go.

 

[Jean Améry]

The only 'permission' I need is my own. I can't bring myself to do for purely personal reasons (for me personally it would be better to be dead) but as soon as things reach a certain treshold I'm gone. My altruism towards specific others isn't limitless and if my suffering becomes too great the supposed benefits to others will not matter anymore. Unlimited altruism is as stupid as unlimited egotism.

For me a significant decline in health (provided it's permanent), poverty or the inability to reach one's goals in life (for whatever reason) are sufficient reasons. Depression by itself isn't enough although it would be if I didn't care about anyone else. Having to life without being able to be happy is highly unpleasant to say the least.

 

[TAW122]

No, I don't need someone else's permission to do so. I have and am only making this decision for myself and myself only. Sure, there are factors that may influence it, but ultimately, if I am set on CTB'ing, there is little if/anything that can stop me (barring sudden unexpected strong SI and/or someone trying to stop me). The most challenging thing for me is to go about my plan and time undetected and even have alibis and excuses to throw off any would be good-doer, goody two-shoes hero from trying to rescue/save me.

 

[Empty Smile]

I've pretty much accomplished everything I've wanted to do in life, but there's only one goal I've yet to accomplish, which is ctb.

Although I'd like to go hiking one more time along the Appalachian Trail, that's not going to happen.

 

[Ricks]

Exhausting all options first is the logical thing to do imo. But doing all that is exhausting in itself. Chronic physical pain is tough. I just want rest and peace.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

It's more of a deep desire not to be written off as crazy. I don't wanna make the news (if that happens) about some intelligent young girl who just happened to take her life cause of hormones. I don't want anybody going rip, wish I could've helped or wow her reasons were stupid. I want my suicide to be looked at as logical. I wish people understood that not everybody can be helped and I'm one of those people. I cannot be fixed.
But despite my prensantations and other such things, I realize, because I'm a realist, that's prolly not gonna happen with everybody. With strangers, I don't care, with my family, I want them to understand. It's why I've been telling them bits and pieces about my reasoning but not enough to get myself locked up

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Not from my father, though.
I've decided that if the surgery fails, or doesn't free me completely, I'm blowing my head off.

 

[inconsequential]

I only need to give myself permission.

 

[hello123]

Have you tried abram hoffers orthomolecular approach for your mental health. I havent tested it on myself thats why im not sure if i should make a thread about it. I was looking into treatments for mental health and this seems like the only one that works. Although i was looking this stuff up in my retarded state so im not sure.

 

[Space_Soup]

I think allowing yourself to feel like you need permission is your mind's own SI. I battled that for a short time but then I thought there will always be this reason or that reason to not CTB. If you really want to go, I think you need to do what makes you happy. My cold heart tells me that life goes on and everybody will get over it and if they don't, it's not my problem anymore.

 

[Time_To_Die]

Have you tried abram hoffers orthomolecular approach for your mental health. I havent tested it on myself thats why im not sure if i should make a thread about it. I was looking into treatments for mental health and this seems like the only one that works. Although i was looking this stuff up in my retarded state so im not sure.

I haven't tried it, but I've heard that giving massive doses of vitamins can help people with mental illness. My understanding is that it works best for psychotic disorders, though, which I don't have.

 

[puppy9]

I wanna desperately to ctb, but the thought that my lovely mom would suffer made me second guessing myself. Guys help me, how to overcome this burdensome feeling?

 

[rata1]

i always asked my self what would happen if someone i trust would say "yes your right your life is a shit and i am glad not to be in your situation..." or stuff like this. for example my therapist when i complain about my life and the problems i have always tells me things like "you can do it, you are intelligent you are capable, just try it...". and then i try to tell him that it is not possible for me to do certain things and that this is the reason why i do therapy. this is a kind of repeating communication pattern or game we are playing there. so i asked my self often why he doesnt agree with me and especially what would happen to me or my mental condition if he would just agree or "give me the permission" to say "yes my life is shit, i have a problem". in sum, i think psychologicaly i need some kind of permission even to ctb. someone in my brain (probably my ego according to Freud) has to tell me: yes its ok you have the right to ctb or to do anything else you feel like. paradoxicaly if this instance or part of my brain or mind appeared everlastingly the reason for me to ctb would disappear.
i am trapped. trapped in the heartless world of paradoxal world of communication (greets to watzlawik ;)

 

[Irishsteve88]

My choice my body my life I didn't ask to be brought into this world why should I have to ask to exit it?