Discussion People with chronic pain: Is CTB because of it justified?

[Cryptonite]

Hi everybody,

I suffer from chronic and progressive back pain due to Scheuermann's disease. It could have been cured if diagnosed and treated early in adolescence, however, 90 % of cases are left untreated due to medical incompetence. Doctors just have no clue how to recognize this disease, or even acknowledge its potential severity.

My problem is, I feel constantly ashamed about wanting to CTB because of this. Every doctor would dismiss me as not being normal, if I want to peace out because of it. Of course, normal people normally accept their chronic pain and normally contribute to their societies. But the disease has robbed me of so much. The disease is progressing quickly, and although it can be still managed by opiates, I assume, I do not want to take this route. I feel like I deserved a full-fledged life, not a sedentary and painful one. I wanted to engage in lots of adventures, explore the world, play sports. All of that is gone and I feel so ashamed compared to my healthy peers. I've lost my identity.

Would you say it is acceptable to want to CTB, even if the pain is not unbearable or unmanageable yet?

 

[Darkover]

suicide does not have to be shown to be right or reasonable, all that really matters is it something you turly want, but only you can decide for yourself

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm actually not sure it needs to be justified. pain is pain. back pain is probably no joke. i completely understand not being able to sleep because you can't find a comfortable position to lie in. i don't know of any of the mental aspects but i can tell i'm going downhill in that regard too.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's your own decision. If you don't want to go on living with your disease and it is your true desire to end your suffering then it's fully legit.

I hope you find peace!

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

even if it starts out as a small pain, when you keep stabbing at it,it will become unbearable.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

Yes, absolutely. Honestly I believe that everyone should have the right to die even if they don't have health issues. I also suffer from chronic pain among other things so I relate and support your wish. Whether or not you end up going through with it is entirely your decision, I'd love if you're able to continue living and feel fullfilled but when it comes to shame, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. And it's a perfectly normal human response in my opinion, I don't think that the "normal" people with chronic pain who contribute to society as you say are dealing with the exact same thing. I mean, if someone has a progressive disease there's only so much that acceptance and efforts could do until they're at a point where they simply can't function, no matter if they want to contribute to society or not. Speaking from experience, it sucks.

 

[Ligand]

Hi everybody,

I suffer from chronic and progressive back pain due to Scheuermann's disease. It could have been cured if diagnosed and treated early in adolescence, however, 90 % of cases are left untreated due to medical incompetence. Doctors just have no clue how to recognize this disease, or even acknowledge its potential severity.

My problem is, I feel constantly ashamed about wanting to CTB because of this. Every doctor would dismiss me as not being normal, if I want to peace out because of it. Of course, normal people normally accept their chronic pain and normally contribute to their societies. But the disease has robbed me of so much. The disease is progressing quickly, and although it can be still managed by opiates, I assume, I do not want to take this route. I feel like I deserved a full-fledged life, not a sedentary and painful one. I wanted to engage in lots of adventures, explore the world, play sports. All of that is gone and I feel so ashamed compared to my healthy peers. I've lost my identity.

Would you say it is acceptable to want to CTB, even if the pain is not unbearable or unmanageable yet?

I have a progressive condition which causes chronic pain as well. No one understands how this feels unless they live it. I lived an excellent and healthful life before becoming sick, so I refuse to decay to live a life others would never sign up for. I imagine you feel similar. The opinions of the healthy mean very little when it comes to something like this.

 

[Blue Elephant]

@Cryptonite Mate, whatever you decide, whatever you feel that it's right, it's justified. YOU justify it! It's your body, your life, your decision. No one is allowed to tell you what to do!

I wanted to engage in lots of adventures, explore the world, play sports.

I have the same wishes. Fuck! I am so sorry about your situation.

 

[carac]

I think anyone who comes to a rational decision that their pain is intolerable is justified in ctbing.

I would like to ask, what leads you to believe that your pain will be progressive? I did a little bit of reading about scheuermans and from what I understand the pain can decrease as you go into adulthood.

Do you have access to support groups of people in a similar situation, maybe they could help you with a prognosis?

 

[raindrop9]

Cryptonite, I feel for you and feel the same way. I appreciate how you articulated your thoughts, feelings, situation. I too suffer from chronic pain, mental health issues as well - which were exacerbated by the onset of my physical conditions. Similar to your situation, the medical incompetence and health care system in general has only made things worse for me and continues to do so.

I understand the inner struggle. You do deserve a full fledged life. You also deserve the choice to leave peacefully. It's such a shame - the medical systems negligence has contributed so greatly to your condition and outlook yet if you were to reasonably want a way out (with their assistance), as you said, they'd look at you as not "normal" and who knows what else...

I wish you the best and hope if you decide to go, you can go as peacefully as possible.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't get how wanting ctb could ever be unacceptable, for someone to say such a thing they must lack any compassion, nobody is obligated to continue existing for even a second longer than they wish to, it's a personal decision deciding when to cease existing.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

I'm in the same boat and we're not obligated to live like this. I don't know if I've asked you this before but do you post on any forums specific to your condition and if so what is the consensus there?

 

[Cryptonite]

I have a progressive condition which causes chronic pain as well. No one understands how this feels unless they live it. I lived an excellent and healthful life before becoming sick, so I refuse to decay to live a life others would never sign up for. I imagine you feel similar. The opinions of the healthy mean very little when it comes to something like this.

You are absolutely right. It's always the healthy people who say those "clever" things. No one with chronic pain or chronic illness would dare to downplay it.

I think anyone who comes to a rational decision that their pain is intolerable is justified in ctbing.

I would like to ask, what leads you to believe that your pain will be progressive? I did a little bit of reading about scheuermans and from what I understand the pain can decrease as you go into adulthood.

Do you have access to support groups of people in a similar situation, maybe they could help you with a prognosis?

Unfortunately, it's one of the common myths :-( the pain is progressive. Scheuermann's disease means having a back of an old person in a young age. Inevitably, with aging the back gets even older. Right now in my mid 20s, I have a spine of somebody who is at least 70 years old.

I do have access to these groups, but... nothing really can be done :-( The only time to cure it is in adolescence.

I'm in the same boat and we're not obligated to live like this. I don't know if I've asked you this before but do you post on any forums specific to your condition and if so what is the consensus there?

Unfortunately, the consensus is – it gets progressively worse. The only chance to improve it in adulthood is surgery, but I am not eligible for it :-( My case is too extensive for a surgery.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Of course. Think about it why organisms evolved the ability to sense something as noxious as pain. What benefit could that serve? The benefit was that it alerted organisms to lethal danger, that if they continued to do what they were doing that was causing pain, they could very well end up dead. So in that sense death is supposed to come when you are in relentless pain. That it doesn't in some cases is technically a glitch and I see suicide as compensating for that to make things normal (should the desire exist of course).

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Unfortunately, the consensus is – it gets progressively worse. The only chance to improve it in adulthood is surgery, but I am not eligible for it :-( My case is too extensive for a surgery.

I mean the consensus on suicide. Are they all 'hang in there' or do they respect the decision?

 

[Cryptonite]

I mean the consensus on suicide. Are they all 'hang in there' or do they respect the decision?

Most people are "hang in there", but I guess people in every community would say so...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel utterly sure I wouldn't put up with physical pain. Life is hard enough but with that on top- I think it's unreasonable to expect people to cope. I truly think it's barbaric- if there isn't a cure and pain management isn't going to be effective longterm to just leave people like that with no hope. We wouldn't let animals suffer like that. Why aren't we more humane to humans?

 

[Glandular]

Would you say it is acceptable to want to CTB, even if the pain is not unbearable or unmanageable yet?

I'm in the same situation. My condition will get really ugly down the line and I certainly won't be here to experience it. However, as you said, the problem is timing the exit. As of right now my symptoms are mostly managend and fall into the "annoying but liveable" category. Ideally I'd want to leave just before it gets unbearable - but that time cannot be predicted. I decided to prepare everything and just keep living day to day.
I don't think in cases like ours that there is a "too early". After all, we are suffering already and we know that it will never get good again, it will only get worse and worse.

 

[Cryptonite]

I'm in the same situation. My condition will get really ugly down the line and I certainly won't be here to experience it. However, as you said, the problem is timing the exit. As of right now my symptoms are mostly managend and fall into the "annoying but liveable" category. Ideally I'd want to leave just before it gets unbearable - but that time cannot be predicted. I decided to prepare everything and just keep living day to day.
I don't think in cases like ours that there is a "too early". After all, we are suffering already and we know that it will never get good again, it will only get worse and worse.

I've read about your story. So similar to mine... let's wish for peace for both of us.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Hi everybody,

I suffer from chronic and progressive back pain due to Scheuermann's disease. It could have been cured if diagnosed and treated early in adolescence, however, 90 % of cases are left untreated due to medical incompetence. Doctors just have no clue how to recognize this disease, or even acknowledge its potential severity.

My problem is, I feel constantly ashamed about wanting to CTB because of this. Every doctor would dismiss me as not being normal, if I want to peace out because of it. Of course, normal people normally accept their chronic pain and normally contribute to their societies. But the disease has robbed me of so much. The disease is progressing quickly, and although it can be still managed by opiates, I assume, I do not want to take this route. I feel like I deserved a full-fledged life, not a sedentary and painful one. I wanted to engage in lots of adventures, explore the world, play sports. All of that is gone and I feel so ashamed compared to my healthy peers. I've lost my identity.

Would you say it is acceptable to want to CTB, even if the pain is not unbearable or unmanageable yet?

I agree with you doctors really are very incompetent I have had some chronical health problems myself for almost 10 years and it´s like they have a list of things to try and when all that fails you´re left to yourself they literally told me "we can´t do more for you" when then I would assume they should contact someone with more knowledge even from abroad like you see in the program where people have a rare decease gets diagnosed and sometimes treated usually from a doctor abroad.

I also get the wanting to live a full life especially when in my case when I was younger a child and teenager I could my life to its fullest especially when I was a child which was heaven on earth so it´s very hard to settle for less than heaven when you´d been there (happiness wise) like if my life is at 0% now or even if I could bump it up to 5-10% (doubtful) why would I settle for that when I used to live a life at 100% happiness? Like I made this graph below a few years ago but still holds true which visualized what I mean like why would I settle for a life with no fun, excitement or happiness in it anymore? I want to go back and live a full life not just be sitting in my room for years on end doing nothing but that is my "life" now. And for your question yes it would be acceptable to ctb with your problems actually no matter which problems it is because it´s your life your choice and never let anyone else tell you otherwise, you never consented to be brought into this world so you have every right to decide whether or not you want to leave it.