I go through a few episodes a day where I start ruminating and spiraling over all the stares and mistreatment I've gotten from people throughout my life and it's absolutely ruining me, people really have treated me like a genuine notorious rapist who's just been released from prison all because how my fucking face looks
The frightening stares from the kids hurt the most, ive had many kids flat out stare at me for minutes completely unable to take their eyes off me, adults don't act any less bothered by my appearance either, and whatever is wrong with my face seems to be so bad that I actually sometimes get spoken to like I'm mentally disabled, sometimes ill have the odd usually older woman speak to me like I'm genuinely slow, it's fucking hell
Ive struggled with alcohol abuse and I've not drank since 15th of January but the urge to drink is coming back so so strong because I can't stop ruminating about these stares and this mistreatment, I've got a 4 pack of beers in my room and I can't get the taste of beer out of my mind it's getting stronger every day
The list of types of mistreatment ive gotten is about as long as leg, but the most prominent ones are getting stared at (obviously), getting laughed at, girls at the gym looking at me and whispering, people flat out ignoring me, teenagers looking at me like I have diarrhea all over my face, people showing uncomfortable body language when stood next to me, these are just a few things
Idk what to do man i can't deal with these episodes of pure hatred and anger anymore, the anger is SO fucking intense it's insane, I truly believe that most humans are evil beings because just how can I be treated so fucking badly just because my face doesn't look "normal", it's just a constant horrible reminder that we really are just cavemen animals deep down
I'm pretty convinced these stares and this mistreatment has given me BPD or bipolar or something, the spirals are growing so much more intense and fucking agonizing, I genuinely feel like screaming in despair because it hurts so much
The frightening stares from the kids hurt the most, ive had many kids flat out stare at me for minutes completely unable to take their eyes off me, adults don't act any less bothered by my appearance either, and whatever is wrong with my face seems to be so bad that I actually sometimes get spoken to like I'm mentally disabled, sometimes ill have the odd usually older woman speak to me like I'm genuinely slow, it's fucking hell
Ive struggled with alcohol abuse and I've not drank since 15th of January but the urge to drink is coming back so so strong because I can't stop ruminating about these stares and this mistreatment, I've got a 4 pack of beers in my room and I can't get the taste of beer out of my mind it's getting stronger every day
The list of types of mistreatment ive gotten is about as long as leg, but the most prominent ones are getting stared at (obviously), getting laughed at, girls at the gym looking at me and whispering, people flat out ignoring me, teenagers looking at me like I have diarrhea all over my face, people showing uncomfortable body language when stood next to me, these are just a few things
Idk what to do man i can't deal with these episodes of pure hatred and anger anymore, the anger is SO fucking intense it's insane, I truly believe that most humans are evil beings because just how can I be treated so fucking badly just because my face doesn't look "normal", it's just a constant horrible reminder that we really are just cavemen animals deep down
I'm pretty convinced these stares and this mistreatment has given me BPD or bipolar or something, the spirals are growing so much more intense and fucking agonizing, I genuinely feel like screaming in despair because it hurts so much
