abusers master in qualities that are associated with attractiveness. Such as confidence, social skills, being helpful, etc
And these qualities are seen as highly valuable and are associated with climbing the social ladder, making friends, lovers, etc. And life has shown when you can create a nice social reputation, you can get away with some of the worse crimes imaginable. People will instantly become enablers and make excuses. They'll want to grovel in the glory and will same victims. Unless they themselves experience the abuse directly, they won't do anything
It's why I hate it when people tell bullied kids "your bullies won't make it far in life" because the reality is the opposite. Most of the time they do make it far in life. End up taking on high positions of power with social success. And then we the victims are left suffering. Depression, suicidality, self harm, and victim blaming. It can feel lonely and is very traumatizing. A burden that feels worse when we see the very people who broke us seemingly thriving and being ok
Though to echo what some other people have said in this thread, these people are incapable of having true genuine friendships. Since they live purely through a facade, no one really knows who they are and their relationships are very transactional. Sure they are thriving socially, but inner peace can't be developed in living a fake sadistic double life
Being authentic to ones self and showing up as such in public and private is a testament to a kind individual. And through that you can find worthwhile relationships. Thats something we as victims can experience. The people who broke us, will never know what thats like
I think it's why narcissists and abusers shame us for being "sensitive". Because they jealous deep down that we can be so emotionally open. They are incapable of doing that as it would break the facade they carry around
My mom was such an abuser. Though when it came to her funeral, no one really came. Just her narc family (who I also have issues with) and barely anyone else. A lot of the "friends" she had she constantly talked shit about in private and would constantly fight and block/unblock them in rage. No matter how many people who was surrounded by, the facade came off once she was home. And her hatred and misery came out
Narcissists constantly need and use people for their own validation. It's why are social. They constantly need people to get supply from so they can avoid the other shit within themselves. Because at the root of every abuser/narcissist is self hatred. And no amount of money or social fame and quell that. It drives their horrible actions
Even if many people dont believe and support us, we can connect with authentic people who get us. Even if it's only one person we can trust at a time. Thats better than being a fake user who will never be happy
We can show up and be ourselves authentically, and narcissists can't by way of being narcissists. So they will never feel truly safe or satisfied with anyone. always transactional, always fake. And that has to be an exhausting way to live. That you cant be your authentic self because you hate yourself that much
Hopefully we can create a culture where we can better support victims of abuse, educate ourselves more on narcissistic abuse, and spread awareness for people to know
