Discussion people mistaken depression and isolation with being rude?

[_Minsk]

i've noticed some people mistaken depression and isolation as being rude. especially extroverts seem to get it wrong and thus treat me as if it was something personal. even some people i used to be in contact with, including parents, seem to not get how bad someone can feel.. its not like i like being on my own most time but its the only way to feel somewhat of relief. if im longer around people, i can't keep up the facade, tears in my eyes and every cell of my body starts to scream.. i can't stand the space of being completely vulnerable, my voice starts to crack, i feel completely exhausted and edgy. that's one of the reasons for me to try staying on my own. it sucks. but what other options are left except ctb.. people are impatient and try to fix me, but they can't.. its very distressing to be trapped like this, has someone similar experiences?

 

[Denise2207]

i totally understand. I feel like that all the time lately

 

[Morphosis]

Totally relate to this. They take it personally if you're not bouncing along full of the joys of spring, and you get labelled as rude or ignorant when all you're doing is struggling to get through every minute without publicly breaking down

 

[Good4Nothing]

When I was in my 20s people thought I was a stuck up snob, because I didn't talk or act friendly towards them.
I wasn't stuck up, I was suffering from severe social anxiety and self-loathing.

 

[greyo]

Fuck em

 

[Cosmiq]

I'm totally like this. I feel bad for my best friend, he doesn't get upset. So when I do finally reach out to him I try to validate his feelings and recognize how much it sucks to feel like I'm ignoring him when it's nothing to do with him.

Over the past year I worked on times I could be more aware and pretty much find ways to give people a quick heads ups. Like when I started a new job last year, it took so much out of me to tell the most talkative person there a few things about myself so they could spread them to everyone else. It doesn't help that I've been told I have a resting bitch face. It made it so coworkers didn't overwhelm as much, or at least didn't expect a certain level of socializing from me.

 

[lucid]

I used to and still occasionally get this. Some of my friends would literally ask me "Why are you sad all the time?" but not in the 'wanting to understand' way, instead the 'you're bringing us all down' way. With other people it's normally "You shouldn't be sat in your room all day, it's ignorant. Just go out and have fun," as if that cures everything. Sure it makes me feel better for a bit, but asides from that, they're the ones who are ignorant.

 

[mpnf]

People mistake everything it's not convenient for them.

 

[IrRegularjoe]

People do this with shy people to. Probably because they don't know how to shut up or like being constantly entertained by others when they talk. No offence to extroverts, it really is a specific type of person that doesn't understand someone is quiet.

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

One thing leads to another. This is a general rule of life.
Isolation can be because you've been bullied for example. I've been bullied myself for many years.

You distance yourself from people since all you can see in them is evil and your brain replays the bad events unconsciously in maybe every interaction, so you chose isolation. Naturally avoidance occur.

Isolation is dangerous because your view gets ingrained in your personality and suddenly everything feels doomed.
You start feeling all kinds of negative emotions that only multiply for every day you repeat your pattern. It's very hard to break out of it and there are numerous variables that play out in this.
Too many in fact that I couldn't write them all here.

Basically, at its core, depression makes us dumb.
We're social animals and that's nothing you can change.It's biology.

When we are depressed our mind gets clouded, narrowed and blindfolded to the point where all we take in consideration is our own feelings. Our own perception of reality. Of other people. Our instinctual prejudices gets immense power over our rational thinking.

Like I said, it's very dangerous and it's a downward spiral that can easily lead to suicide.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I've definitely experienced this. People often don't understand that you may want to be alone for your own emotional reasons rather than because they have done something wrong. It's really hard to distance yourself from people without them seeing you as rude.

 

[XYZ]

i've noticed some people mistaken depression and isolation as being rude. especially extroverts seem to get it wrong and thus treat me as if it was something personal. even some people i used to be in contact with, including parents, seem to not get how bad someone can feel.. its not like i like being on my own most time but its the only way to feel somewhat of relief. if im longer around people, i can't keep up the facade, tears in my eyes and every cell of my body starts to scream.. i can't stand the space of being completely vulnerable, my voice starts to crack, i feel completely exhausted and edgy. that's one of the reasons for me to try staying on my own. it sucks. but what other options are left except ctb.. people are impatient and try to fix me, but they can't.. its very distressing to be trapped like this, has someone similar experiences?

Yes, it's hard to know what someone else is experiencing. You may be dying inside, and people around you may interpret it as rudeness or lack of intrest. The thing is that unless you tell people how you feel, 9 out of 10 times they will make wrong assumptions about you. I am almost a recluse because I have the same problem you do: in any given social setting I am screaming and crying on the inside while normal people are talking, laughing, drinking etc. When I see them, I want to have what they have so badly, I get so jealous, man... I can taste it. Thx for sharing.

 

[Tabbyql]

Yeah since I was in college, I overheard my classmates saying I'm an enigma, aloof, I'm rude for not talking or hanging out or showing interest. I've lost alot of friends because of it and family.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

People do this with shy people to. Probably because they don't know how to shut up or like being constantly entertained by others when they talk. No offence to extroverts, it really is a specific type of person that doesn't understand someone is quiet.

I think you're being too nice to these kind of people. I personally can't stand people who never shut up, need constant attention and expect me to provide them with constant entertainment. This is what most of us did as young children and it really annoys me when I meet an adult who hasn't outgrown that crap. I wouldn't worry about offending someone who hasn't developed the emotional intelligence to give others their personal space.