Venting People just don’t like me

[another_user]

I think it is because I am quiet and lack social skills and that makes people uncomfortable, so they choose to create a fantasy about who I am in a way that explains their own discomfort around me rather than just accepting that I am just different from them and thay they don't and can't know what I am thinking.

I think I am a good person. I do good things like supporting charities and helping people who are struggling. I give my time to people and seek positive change.

But none of that matters if you are deemed unlikeable for whatever reason. People don't feel any shame about how they treat you because you don't reach the threshold of personhood to them. I get to experience the unfiltered, rude, selfish, narcissistic version of many people which is frustrating.

People ignore my messages in group chats and respond negatively in person to things I say. When I say something sometimes people aggressively disagree with me, only to have someone else (who is likable) agree with what I said. Then there will be an apology between the two people, but they never apologise to me.

I cried in front of my "friends" a while ago and not only did they send me to sit away from them because it made them uncomfortable, but they also continued to laugh and joke around me and later when someone else in the group cried they were all very supportive so it is just me who is not allowed to be upset.

I feel like people don't understand me at all and want me to behave like a robot. They will accept some things from me but I'm not allowed to do certain things like or have a different opinion or have emotions. I am out of tune with everybody so anything I say gets corrupted in the air before it reaches their ears.

Feeling chronically unheard and misunderstood has completely destroyed me. People can't understand what I say to them sometimes either I don't know why I think I speak perfectly good English, but maybe I think I have more unique speech when I talk and don't use as many common phrases to fill up what I say. Idk maybe I do come across as robotic in tone and rhythm and maybe I am less emotional when I use language but I still deserve to be heard.

So many people are awful to me and I don't do it back to them so that should make them think about if they are wrong but it doesn't.

Nothing else to add, I just feel hurt deeply by this.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm 41 years old (M) from Indonesia. I can deeply relate with your post. Loneliness really hurts too. People underestimate loneliness, thinking it's not a big problem, nor urgent matter. But loneliness can also cause depression, & even suicidal feelings. I know because I have similar problem too with loneliness.

I can also deeply relate with being quiet & lacking social-skills. I'm also an introvert, & socially-awkward person. Lately, I even seriously started to think if whether I might have some 'autism/asperger' mild syndromes. Or at least I might be a 'neurodivergent' type of person (instead of the 'neurotypical' normies/normal people). Which should explain why I've always had difficulties in talking, or even relating to most people 'normally' everyday.

The most ironic thing is perhaps of how perfectly 'normal' I look, from the outside. To be honest, a lot of people have told me that I'm physically quite good-looking. I'm also quite privileged, for example: I live quite a comfortable life in my parents' house. Yes, I know, I'm actually a spoiled, pampered guy, living a very sheltered & 'easy' life, compared to so many people who've had it much worse. A lot of people (if not almost everyone) also told me that I'm (very) talented in music. In fact, I'm a musician myself, although sadly I personally think/feel that I'm still a 'failed' musician (I'll play/perform in a concert with a community orchestra next month though, so that's at least some bit of good news, I guess). I've also had four relationships in the past back then, although I consider them to be the times when I was just 'lucky' basically.

But deep down inside, I seriously feel/think that I'm just a loser & failure, a waste of space & oxygen, that should not exist in this world. I'm a NEET (which basically means I'm unemployed) who still live in parents' house, for all this time, even still until now, at 41 years old. Even though I've been diagnosed with Major Depression in 2020, and I also seriously feel/think that I might truly have a LOT other 'mental health' problems, such as: OCD, ADHD, anxiety, etc etc (& also a deep existential depression for a (very) long time still until now), but even I'm afraid what if it's true that I'm just making up all these 'excuses' to just be 'lazy' (according to my parents), & do nothing 'productive' in my life?

I feel alone, & even feel like an alien who can't relate to human beings. I think way too "out there" & differently than most people in this world. I hate this world, society, life, existence, & reality. I'm also a nihilist, who seriously think that Nihilism is not only just a philosophy, but THE harsh truth, fact, & reality of life & existence: Life is meaningless, nothing matters in the grand scheme of things/everything. This existence is (not just only) absurd, but also stupid, ridiculous, unfair, boring/mundane, & depressing, at least for me personally, when I think deeply about it.

Sorry this suddenly turn longer than I initially wanted to be. See? Even THIS is already a sign that I'm not "normal" like most people who can 'function well' in society. Maybe that's why, relating back to the OP's post above, people also don't like me generally, often left me alone, ignore me, & see me as 'weird' guy that everybody just ignores & I'm left alone often times.

 

[OICU812]

As the resident black sheep of my family, I understand completely when family members go out of their way to avoid me.

We need a guys night out sometime. I would rather hang out with you two instead of some of the fake so-called "friends" that I have.

 

[AkaRed]

I understand exactly what you mean. I think I fall under this category myself, and it has made me indescribably lonely.

I don't know why I am the way I am, and maybe it's my fault for being so introverted and low energy all the time. But I too often feel that people just ultimately don't like me. They might say otherwise, but their actions speak louder. I often have to reach out myself in hopes of having any level of social interaction, otherwise I'm just by myself.

People have never really sought out my insight, attention or self. I don't think anyone likes me, or is interested in me as a human being. It hurts.

You're not alone whatsoever, and feel free to PM me if you need a new friend.
(Yours don't seem to be very good ones, and it's not your fault).

<3

 

[WhenTheyCry]

Autists like me operate on a different wavelength from neurotypicals. They can sus out my mental illness immediately from my body language and speech. Nobody likes a socially incompetent autist.