“People care about you”

[Funeralprincess]

I hate when people say this stupid shit. Not all of us have humans who genuinely give a fuck about us, and honestly, I mostly hear neurotypical people being the ones to say this. Like of course people care about you babes, because you don't have any burdening mental issues that would challenge them to care about you on a deeper level. You're easy to care for because you don't come with deep burdens of the mind for them to complain about.

Like, I wish people who don't have mental illnesses could see what it's like to be bipolar with depression and anxiety, on top of having multiple eating disorders. Let's see how quickly your loved ones still give a fuck about you… neurotypical people take for granted having good people in their lives and they think that's just normal for mentally ill people too when most times, it's not.

I wouldn't be suicidal if people truly did care about me and accept me the way you think they do. Some of us don't have support and when we thought we had support, it turned out to just be a lie, a fucked up joke people were pulling, Or care was given out of pure pity because we are mentally ill. That's not the same as having someone genuinely love you and embrace all of your flaws the way you do theirs.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn ,. I couldn't agree with you anymore. I Genuinely hate it when people tell me that,. just pisses me off. My Mom would tell me numerous times, more than I'd care to admit. But that was mostly when I was in highschool back in 02. Always hit me down to the pit of my stomach, like I wanted to puke my guts out. =\

It's such a general and easy thing to tell someone. You never really know if they are being Truly genuine. Sorry you are having to deal with this,. really Fckn sucks. I'm right there with you.

Thoughts and prayers -

 

[waitingforrest]

"People care about you" is one of the greatest insults to those who have no one. One thing about neurotypicals is that they don't seem to understand that the normal positive s**t they spew to comfort other neurotypicals don't always work on the suicidal.
"Positive" sayings twist the knife deeper.

It definitely is not the same as someone embracing all our flaws and insecurities unconditionally.
You said it well, It feels like people "care" about you, until you start taking about how your day actually is going.

Like the definition of carring for neurotypicals is only when they notice. Like how they all show up out of nowhere when we attempt suicide, but after a week it is back to normal, radio silent.

Like how the lonely gain numerous friends after their death, friends that they won't need anymore. Strangers talking about how much the deceased mattered to them.

And the cruelty of it all is that we can't force someone to truely care and accept us.

I guess we are stuck in the same boat. But even so, we both probably still feel insolated at the end of the day.

 

[AloneInCollege]

This is so accurate. I could not have said it better myself.

 

[27clubBRIAN]

Right! Like stfu with that shit I SUFFER

 

[Funeralprincess]

"People care about you" is one of the greatest insults to those who have no one. One thing about neurotypicals is that they don't seem to understand that the normal positive s**t they spew to comfort other neurotypicals don't always work on the suicidal.
"Positive" sayings twist the knife deeper.

It definitely is not the same as someone embracing all our flaws and insecurities unconditionally.
You said it well, It feels like people "care" about you, until you start taking about how your day actually is going.

Like the definition of carring for neurotypicals is only when they notice. Like how they all show up out of nowhere when we attempt suicide, but after a week it is back to normal, radio silent.

Like how the lonely gain numerous friends after their death, friends that they won't need anymore. Strangers talking about how much the deceased mattered to them.

And the cruelty of it all is that we can't force someone to truely care and accept us.

I guess we are stuck in the same boat. But even so, we both probably still feel insolated at the end of the day.

Exactly. Funny how everyone comes around when the person they were emotionally destroying is in the ground. They want to make themselves feel like heroes, the good samaritans paying their respects… please, it's all bullshit and us mentally ill people are tired of only mattering once we've been pushed off the edge and over the cliff

Damn ,. I couldn't agree with you anymore. I Genuinely hate it when people tell me that,. just pisses me off. My Mom would tell me numerous times, more than I'd care to admit. But that was mostly when I was in highschool back in 02. Always hit me down to the pit of my stomach, like I wanted to puke my guts out. =\

It's such a general and easy thing to tell someone. You never really know if they are being Truly genuine. Sorry you are having to deal with this,. really Fckn sucks. I'm right there with you.

Thoughts and prayers -

I hate when people tell me that too. It's like no, people don't care about me they cared about what they could derive out of me before discarding me and playing mind games. To make matters worse, society allows neurotypical people to harm mentally ill people because mental illness is looked at as dirty or wrong, so if a neurotypical person takes advantage of us, they're allowed to because they "can only handle so much". Neuros just have a free pass to hurt us more, and they know they do which is why they go out of their way to destroy a mentally ill person more than they already are. They know they can harm us, because when we die they will be forgiven because they wrote in our obituary pretending like they weren't a huge fucking contribution to one offing themselves. Nobody truly cares about us, because we are fucked up.

I hate that all of us have to suffer within the prison of our own mind… I hate that we have to be subjected to just being used as a toy in peoples lives because we are too sick to ever be truly valued…. None of us asked to be born, and born with mental illness at that.

 

[ge0rge]

I've been in the position the OP describes and can relate, but, to play the devil's advocate (or perhaps simply to present a valid counterpoint), depressed people are very difficult to be around, and it's not a fake friendship or indifference if some people feel too overwhelmed by a person who's going through deep mental illness. I've had people in my life who let go of their friendship simply because I was in too dark a place: initially I felt that they were fake or unsupportive or superficial, but later on I discovered that I had simply been too much at the time.

And even as a person who is severely mentally ill, I don't think I could cope with being friends with someone who is equally ill and who is not pursuing some kind of program (even informally, like reading self help books or exercising or eating better or anything out there) and who is simply content being an enormous black void of joylessness. Being mentally ill and trying to improve is one thing, wallowing is another.

I disagree w/ psychologizing and pathologizing the need for human support and empathy, such as being told to go to therapy instead of confiding in close friends, but I also firmly believe that sometimes depression can be overwhelming or immobilizing even for people who do genuinely have your best interest in mind.

I also think unconditional love can be toxic and problematic in some circumstances

 

[Insomniac]

It's like they own a PhD in gaslighting.

 

[Mr2005]

If no one cares then why are you writing this?

 

[Doombox]

I've been in the position the OP describes and can relate, but, to play the devil's advocate (or perhaps simply to present a valid counterpoint), depressed people are very difficult to be around, and it's not a fake friendship or indifference if some people feel too overwhelmed by a person who's going through deep mental illness. I've had people in my life who let go of their friendship simply because I was in too dark a place: initially I felt that they were fake or unsupportive or superficial, but later on I discovered that I had simply been too much at the time.

And even as a person who is severely mentally ill, I don't think I could cope with being friends with someone who is equally ill and who is not pursuing some kind of program (even informally, like reading self help books or exercising or eating better or anything out there) and who is simply content being an enormous black void of joylessness. Being mentally ill and trying to improve is one thing, wallowing is another.

I disagree w/ psychologizing and pathologizing the need for human support and empathy, such as being told to go to therapy instead of confiding in close friends, but I also firmly believe that sometimes depression can be overwhelming or immobilizing even for people who do genuinely have your best interest in mind.

I also think unconditional love can be toxic and problematic in some circumstances

I appreciate that you wrote this. I wanted to say something similar. If a person is routinely difficult to be around, then that is going to chip away at their support network. A healthy relationship has a give-and-take and should tilt towards positive feelings over time. I don't think I would want to spend time with me, so why should anybody else?

 

[Funeralprincess]

You're or

I've been in the position the OP describes and can relate, but, to play the devil's advocate (or perhaps simply to present a valid counterpoint), depressed people are very difficult to be around, and it's not a fake friendship or indifference if some people feel too overwhelmed by a person who's going through deep mental illness. I've had people in my life who let go of their friendship simply because I was in too dark a place: initially I felt that they were fake or unsupportive or superficial, but later on I discovered that I had simply been too much at the time.

And even as a person who is severely mentally ill, I don't think I could cope with being friends with someone who is equally ill and who is not pursuing some kind of program (even informally, like reading self help books or exercising or eating better or anything out there) and who is simply content being an enormous black void of joylessness. Being mentally ill and trying to improve is one thing, wallowing is another.

I disagree w/ psychologizing and pathologizing the need for human support and empathy, such as being told to go to therapy instead of confiding in close friends, but I also firmly believe that sometimes depression can be overwhelming or immobilizing even for people who do genuinely have your best interest in mind.

I also think unconditional love can be toxic and problematic in some circumstances

you're proving my point entirely with your post

If no one cares then why are you writing this?

Because I can, as I use this as a place to vent. Move along

 

[Why Me?]

Exactly. Funny how everyone comes around when the person they were emotionally destroying is in the ground. They want to make themselves feel like heroes, the good samaritans paying their respects… please, it's all bullshit and us mentally ill people are tired of only mattering once we've been pushed off the edge and over the cliff

I hate when people tell me that too. It's like no, people don't care about me they cared about what they could derive out of me before discarding me and playing mind games. To make matters worse, society allows neurotypical people to harm mentally ill people because mental illness is looked at as dirty or wrong, so if a neurotypical person takes advantage of us, they're allowed to because they "can only handle so much". Neuros just have a free pass to hurt us more, and they know they do which is why they go out of their way to destroy a mentally ill person more than they already are. They know they can harm us, because when we die they will be forgiven because they wrote in our obituary pretending like they weren't a huge fucking contribution to one offing themselves. Nobody truly cares about us, because we are fucked up.

I hate that all of us have to suffer within the prison of our own mind… I hate that we have to be subjected to just being used as a toy in peoples lives because we are too sick to ever be truly valued…. None of us asked to be born, and born with mental illness at that.

You powerfully articulated exactly what I have experienced, and what I'm currently experiencing = CLARITY. If only this clarity was given to me a long time ago, especially by a mental health professional. Its like everyone just wants to sweep everything under the rug, instead of expose the harsh reality of what a mentally ill person may experience in this society. It's like were already trying to hold on to our sanity, and we get gaslighted from everywhere on top of it. One of my problems since I was born was having a severe lack of social awareness, I'm 41 just now truly understanding why my life has been such a crisis, and what I should have done (the crisis wasn't just caused by mental illness but also abuse). I wish I had this clarity a long time ago, but I've only found it on this forum.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that many people only care about what directly affects themselves and often pretend to care just to make themselves feel better. In general, I think that a lot of people are very selfish.

 

[Ash’Girl]

See, so I had found someone who genuinely did care, on my previous good days and my supremely shitty ones. I think he was the only person I can genuinely say accepted me at whatever point I was in my mind, emotions or sometimes lack thereof, and just stuck around. Perversely, this often resulted in me having many far better days than I'd been used to. Then he died and that cataclysmically catapulted me into alternate despair / disassociation, far worse than when I'd never experienced this supremely rare gift of being loved whilst also being allowed to simply be.

What I've realised is this: I know many people who would oftimes say things like "you're never alone", "we love you", "people care about you" blah blah. This was in response to their awareness of my loved ones passing, and part of the generic influx of well wishes and condolences that generated on social media from mutual acquaintances (though I wasn't posting anything even relatively close to seeming suicidal, because I can't be bothered, for varying reasons ranging from that I've no interest in being "saved", nor can I be bothered with the people who would assume any indication of that was "attention seeking").

Of the influx of people who made these comments, nobody actually contacts me directly. No check ins. No showing up. No calls. They are just words spurred by a sad announcement. Split second to show publicly "hey, look, I'm so supportive". Nothing resembling actual support.

It rather hit home to me in those very early days of grief. Though I was used to it before, it didn't bother me - then for a time, it really did, and I felt more alone on this planet than I'd ever felt before.

Now I have just accepted it again. I don't have the energy for the facade of "I'm a shiny happy person", therefore I am simply invisible. Or people assume someone else will "be there". Or that I'll reach out, but on occasions in the past where I'd bother they didn't know what to do or say so they fucked off. I think, they wait, til you're "better" and they don't have to deal with it. Or they don't think much about me at all. Fucked if I know.

What I do know is that I can't be honest with these people, and I have no motivation or interest in pretending, so I just let myself fade from them quietly. I understand it's probably exceptionally draining to be around me. Not that anyone really tried

People only seem to try toxic positivity in the face of trauma, and when you don't respond to that with a "yay, thanks, everything is shiny and better now you sent me a stay strong meme", they can't deal with it, because most people don't know how to simply sit with someone in the dark, quietly. Which in itself is (or used to be) something I found helpful.

I'm rambling. I don't begrudge people their shiny happy lives. I just feel very apart from them.

 

[Funeralprincess]

See, so I had found someone who genuinely did care, on my previous good days and my supremely shitty ones. I think he was the only person I can genuinely say accepted me at whatever point I was in my mind, emotions or sometimes lack thereof, and just stuck around. Perversely, this often resulted in me having many far better days than I'd been used to. Then he died and that cataclysmically catapulted me into alternate despair / disassociation, far worse than when I'd never experienced this supremely rare gift of being loved whilst also being allowed to simply be.

What I've realised is this: I know many people who would oftimes say things like "you're never alone", "we love you", "people care about you" blah blah. This was in response to their awareness of my loved ones passing, and part of the generic influx of well wishes and condolences that generated on social media from mutual acquaintances (though I wasn't posting anything even relatively close to seeming suicidal, because I can't be bothered, for varying reasons ranging from that I've no interest in being "saved", nor can I be bothered with the people who would assume any indication of that was "attention seeking").

Of the influx of people who made these comments, nobody actually contacts me directly. No check ins. No showing up. No calls. They are just words spurred by a sad announcement. Split second to show publicly "hey, look, I'm so supportive". Nothing resembling actual support.

It rather hit home to me in those very early days of grief. Though I was used to it before, it didn't bother me - then for a time, it really did, and I felt more alone on this planet than I'd ever felt before.

Now I have just accepted it again. I don't have the energy for the facade of "I'm a shiny happy person", therefore I am simply invisible. Or people assume someone else will "be there". Or that I'll reach out, but on occasions in the past where I'd bother they didn't know what to do or say so they fucked off. I think, they wait, til you're "better" and they don't have to deal with it. Or they don't think much about me at all. Fucked if I know.

What I do know is that I can't be honest with these people, and I have no motivation or interest in pretending, so I just let myself fade from them quietly. I understand it's probably exceptionally draining to be around me. Not that anyone really tried

People only seem to try toxic positivity in the face of trauma, and when you don't respond to that with a "yay, thanks, everything is shiny and better now you sent me a stay strong meme", they can't deal with it, because most people don't know how to simply sit with someone in the dark, quietly. Which in itself is (or used to be) something I found helpful.

I'm rambling. I don't begrudge people their shiny happy lives. I just feel very apart from them.

You wrote this so beautifully. I agree with everything you've said and thank you for opening up and sharing it with me

 

[ForeverLonely82]

That's the biggest load of bullshit I hear from those people. I am always like "You don't know me, what I'm like, or who I am". I mentioned this before when you reach out to people when you are at the lowest they are like "I don't know what to say" HOW ABOUT SOME DAMN COMPASSION! YOU CLAIM PEOPLE CARE! BULLSHIT!. Now a days when people say that meaningless phrase I tell them to "shut up, no they don't and fuck you".
Ever been to the sesspool known as reddit? People claim "I love you, don't CTB' or some empty shit like that. How are you going to express in what is considered a strong emotion to the point where it no longer has meaning? People throw that word alone like it's candy and shouldn't be used unless there is meaning behind it and in this case it means NOTHING. Have you notice that once you're "grounded" they go away? They pat themselves on the back and think "Durr I saved that person. yay me"...just...FUCK YOU. Now that I feeling better for the moment doesn't make you a hero. Now you'll just piss off somewhere. So tired of fake people all over the place, they make me sick. You don't love me, care about me or give two shits that I'm alone. You just want face value to others and get messages like "Good job for being kind to this person", "well done" or "you saved this person, good for you!" ..... DIE,DIE,DIE!
*rant over*