People are terrified of me because of my face

[sergeantblackback]

One of the two main reasons I want to CTB

Everywhere I go be it at the gym or going to the store or just walking down the street people stare the FUCK out of me, it's this wide eye slightly fearful and hateful stare, everyone says it's in my head but I know with all my heart it isn't, I've also been extremely socially isolated my whole life and unable to make friends because there's just something about me that just fucking creeps people out and makes them uncomfortable, I know it's mostly my face because I've seen uncomfortable body language from random women sometimes whenever I'm near

One time at the the gym I made eye contact with this woman working out next to me and she immediately started cupping both of her elbows and then caressing her arm, like real self soothing gestures and all I did was clock eyes with her for a second and that was enough to make her get that physically uncomfortable, this happened back in may and I still think about it 24/7, it just sticks out as such a brutal memory

I've always been getting these reactions from people and my social skills are completely and utterly fucked and I'm 26 now so I doubt it'll change, it's not like I'm an awkward 16 year old who still has that neuroplasticity, my brain is mostly set at this age and it really hits me time and time again that I'm truly fucking stunted for life, even if someone subjectively finds me normal or even decent looking they'll still get creeped out by my autism and my terrible social awkwardness

Me and other people is just, no...... Me and other people are never going to ever be a thing

 

[allKae]

Hey, understand that these are not good people, they are basically the type that judges before ANYTHING, oddly enough, good people are humble and nice, I don't understand what you feel so I can't say much, but understand that you are not alone.
if you are sure about the CTB I wish you luck,but if not, seek help...
good luck bro!

 

[claracatchingthebus]

One of the two main reasons I want to CTB

Everywhere I go be it at the gym or going to the store or just walking down the street people stare the FUCK out of me, it's this wide eye slightly fearful and hateful stare, everyone says it's in my head but I know with all my heart it isn't, I've also been extremely socially isolated my whole life and unable to make friends because there's just something about me that just fucking creeps people out and makes them uncomfortable, I know it's mostly my face because I've seen uncomfortable body language from random women sometimes whenever I'm near

One time at the the gym I made eye contact with this woman working out next to me and she immediately started cupping both of her elbows and then caressing her arm, like real self soothing gestures and all I did was clock eyes with her for a second and that was enough to make her get that physically uncomfortable, this happened back in may and I still think about it 24/7, it just sticks out as such a brutal memory

I've always been getting these reactions from people and my social skills are completely and utterly fucked and I'm 26 now so I doubt it'll change, it's not like I'm an awkward 16 year old who still has that neuroplasticity, my brain is mostly set at this age and it really hits me time and time again that I'm truly fucking stunted for life, even if someone subjectively finds me normal or even decent looking they'll still get creeped out by my autism and my terrible social awkwardness

Me and other people is just, no...... Me and other people are never going to ever be a thing

You can download LM Studio and have Gemini model (which you need to download) tell you if you look below average average or above average. Just don't say it's you and say you can't see well so need Gemini's help. Show Gemini other people too and randomly include your photo in the mix. Gemini told me I was very average, occasionally below average. Like from 1-10, I'm a 4.5, or something like that.

If you find out you are below average, you could see if anything can be surgically changed. Unfortunately some thing like eye width and eye position are hard to change, but sometimes things can be done. I wouldn't recommend this unless Gemini says you are below average.

It's also possible that because of being autistic, you don't notice your own body language. Sometimes someone doing a gesture may mean they don't want to be hit on and are trying to give you a non-verbal cue. I've had people do brief quick expressions indicating disinterest and they can be pretty intense and even harsh, but fast. It's just to convey things quickly. But the thing is, locking eyes with someone you don't know, like direct pupil to pupil gazing, even for a moment, is super unusual if they aren't interacting with you.

There's a possibility it's all in your head. The good news is Gemini won't lie to you. If you are merely average and socially awkward, Gemini will let you know. It's hard to know whether people are lying to try to be nice. Gemini has no motives. I would suggest using a local LM Studio and not uploading anything to the cloud to ask. People are usually super socially aware and autistic people often miss social cues even if hyper aware. It may be you notice her body language but don't notice yours, like maybe your jaw was clenching because on some level you thought she may not be obtainable and you didn't notice and she reacted to that.

If you're socially awkard, try to remember that what you are thinking and feeling is usually very visibke on your face or in your body language. You could also take a group acting class to become more aware of this stuff and get a better intuition. It's not really a skill that required tons of neuroplasticity.

I'm sorry you feel awful and most people have interactions that are awkward, whether they have autism or not. Social awkwardness is something everyone deals with.