I feel gross

[peacefulsleep29]

Today my partner communicated with me that she's told me multiple times that she doesn't like me touching her in certain places but she's always said it so playfully or sometimes she would allow it but still no or saying you don't like something should be enough. I've had so many unwanted sexual advances or assault through work since I've worked in a lot of male dominating fields and then even been molested as a kid. I personally nervously laugh or allowed things at times I've continually said no to so, I know exactly how she feels and making someone else feel like that especially since I've gone through it I feel like the worse person in the world. Initially even my response was inappropriate because we were in a hotel and she was being loud about so im upset because im like wow you're making me sound like a creep to everyone but then once the realization set in im like wow, I'm no different. My sense of boundaries has been so blurred from all the things I've experienced I honestly didn't even realize I was making her feel that way until now. & my intention doesn't matter it's the impact that matters. I would never want to hurt her in that way but ultimately I did. Now I really just feel like I don't need to be here. The crazy part is as much as I've maybe bluffed about before this time actually scares me because now instead of not wanting to be here I feel like I don't deserve to be.

 

[U. A.]

This awareness makes me feel like you could potentially work it out. Room for growth and healing. Shit's hard

 

[liquid jen]

As long as you communicate with her about this, and grow from it it could get better. I'm sorry nonetheless.